A Bridge between the fire
by edsgirlalways
Summary: A chance meeting on a train leads Bella and Edward on journey that will be the ultimate test of their love. Are they really soul mates or are they destined to be alone?
1. Prologue

A/N: Stephanie Meyer owns these guys, I just like playing with them in my head.

Hope you enjoy this new story of mine.

* * *

I was jolted awake by a gun getting shoved to my head and a strange man's voice telling me to get dressed and get up. A white button down shirt and my jeans were tossed at me, I looked down and Edward was not moving, how was he sleeping through all this commotion, I started shaking him it was not working he was lifeless, tears started to pour down my face.

I shook him, again nothing; I needed him to wake up " Edward come on wake up I need you to wake up." I sobbed.

Is he dead I thought to myself, god no he can't be dead, he was my love, my life, my sun, my everything. I checked his pulse and when I found it relief washed over me I shook him again and pleaded for him to wake up.

The man pointing the gun at me started to laugh " You can try all you want he won't be waking up for few hours."

" What did you do to him." I yelled.

" Calm down we don't want to alert the other passengers, now if you don't want me to shoot him I would suggest you get up and go to the door." He put the gun to Edward's head.

" No no don't shoot him please." I pleaded with the man to leave him alone. "I'm getting up, can you at least turn around so I can get dressed."

I jumped at the sound of another voice at the door. " I would suggest you just do as he asks if you don't want your loverboy harmed."

I hurriedly slipped on the shirt fumbling with the buttons and pulled the jeans up my legs, the man with the gun tossed me my shoes I slipped them on and stood up.

" Good little whore, now where's your bag?" The man with the gun asked.

I shakily pointed my finger to the floor, without lowering the gun he grabbed my bag off the floor and tossed it to the man standing at the door, he started rummaging through it and pulled out my wallet.

" Isabella Marie Dwyer." He said my name with disgust. "Thought it might be something more on the lines of Cherry or Candy you know something that matches the whore you really are." He spit on me like I was a piece of trash. I flinched and the tears came again. Who were these men?

" Who are you and what do you want? " I whispered.

" No questions, now get moving." The man waved the gun at the door and I started moving towards the door, I took one last look at the beautiful man laying on the pull down bed and lost it, I ran back over to him, I leaned down and whispered in his ear.

" Edward I love you never forget that, please don't ever forget, I'm leaving my heart with you." I kissed him on the lips; a tear slipped of my face and landed on his cheek the last piece of myself I could leave with him. I caressed his other cheek one last time before I was pulled up by my arm and forced out the door.

With a gun stuck into my back I walked away from the one thing that meant the world to me. We walked down the small confined hallway through the dinning car, through the passenger car full of sleeping people and with each step I took further away from the love of my existence a piece of my heart broke. I could no longer walk and my legs gave out. The man with the gun picked me up and dragged me down four steps and ripped open the doors, I could hear the sound of a alarm going off and the gun was once again shoved into my back.

" Jump." The men yelled in unison.

They were crazy there was no way I was jumping I would never survive, trees, bushes and rocks were whizzing by. The skyline was becoming light once again, the dawn of a new day, A day that I thought would be the start to something wonderful.

I looked out at the scenery in front of me I don't know if I was hallucinating or not but it seemed like it was moving more slowly than before. As I stood on the precipice of living and dying I saw my life flash before me. Not my old life but the life I could have had with Edward. Us together laughing, loving each other, marriage, buying our first house, having our first child together, buying a bigger home for our growing family, teaching our kids to ride their bikes, teaching them how to drive. Watching our daughter go on her first date, going to graduations, welcoming new members into the family through weddings, and welcoming grandchildren. Edward and I with Grey hair sitting on our front porch telling the grandchildren sitting in our laps the story of us.

" If you don't jump I will shoot you and then I will go back and shoot your boyfriend." One of the men yelled in my ear.

I just stood there and shook my head, I heard him cock the gun. I can't let them hurt Edward, I need to be brave, I needed to do this. I just hope there was God and he would spare me so that someday I could find the reason I was on the earth again.

I saw my bag fly out of the moving train and knew it was now or never I took one last breath and with a whisper told Edward that I love him. Then jumped, I felt the ground below me and a searing pain in my head, then the darkness took over.

* * *

A/N: What did you think, good, bad.


	2. Chapter 1 Dreams

A/N: Welcome aboard the train

Bella and Edward belong to Stephenie, this plot belongs to me.

* * *

I was lost in a sea of green eyes and bronze hair, the most beautiful man I have ever seen just bumped into me sending an electric shock through my whole body and knocking the air out me. My bag that was slung over my shoulder dropped onto the concrete with a loud thump. He quickly apologized with a sorry miss; his voice like smooth velvet forced the air back into my lungs.

I finally found my voice and squeaked out its Okay but he was already gone like he just vanished into thin air, like he was just a figment of my imagination. The conductor yelled all aboard, I could not seem to get my feet to move, I needed to see him one more time to know he was real.

I stood up on my tiptoes to see over the people crowding around to board the train to see if I could find him, my eyes finally landing on his bronze hair. I gasped covering my mouth with my tiny hands he was standing five feet from me looking ethereal, he was all kinds a beautiful standing there pulling on his hair. What I would give to run my hands through it, bet it's soft. He looked up and we locked gazes, I swear I could see into his beautiful soul.

The train whistle blew and knocked us out of our trance, I smiled and was rewarded with a very sexy smirk. I turned around, bent down and grabbed my bag, and with a final sigh boarded the train. Men like that don't notice girls like you Bella, I thought to myself as I climb up the steps and into the train.

I plopped down in my coach seat against the window in the passenger car and sighed, I was going on a journey this time alone, I had always traveled with my mom Renee. I was a little nervous to be traveling to a very unfamiliar place without the comfort of her.

I reached in my bag and brought out the last picture we took together. It was of mom with her purple silk scarf wrapped around her head and I sitting on the porch swing in our home in Chicago, the last place we called home, the place where breast cancer would take her away from me.

I remember the day she was diagnosed, she had told me she was going in for some testing, and I was worried something was wrong. She told me it was just routine testing and nothing was going to be wrong, oh how I wish she were right. They found several lumps in her breasts, and the cancer had already spread to other places, she was at a stage 5, the doctors said she had 10 months to live, she lasted six.

I traced my mother's face and the tears started falling. She was all I had, the night she died she handed me an envelope and told me I was to not open it until I had scattered her ashes under the Golden gate bridge, she told me it was information that would help me heal. So that leads me here, riding the California Zephyr from my home in Chicago to San Francisco.

The train started moving, I put the picture away sighed and watched out the window as the station was left in the distance and the open range lay ahead. Lucky for me no one took the seat by me, unfortunately that meant I had no one to talk to for the next fifty one hours, not that I am talkative person, I'm actually quite shy, but it would be nice to chat to someone. I shrugged my shoulders and pulled out my very worn copy of Wuthering Heights and started reading.

It was only two in the afternoon but my heavy lids would not stay open, I must have been asleep for a while it was now dark outside I could no longer make out the landscape, just traces from the moon glistening off the snow as we went by. I reached into my bag for my cell to check the time; it was after eight I had slept for 6 hours. The most sleep I had received in a long time.

I needed to use the restroom and find something to drink; I meandered down to the dinning car. I stumbled through the doors and felt warm hands catching me just as I about fell on my face. I looked up into those same green eyes that had me mesmerized before even boarding this train.

" Woah there beautiful, are you Okay?" His hands were still grasped onto my elbows creating electric shocks that went all the way up my arms and back down.

All I could manage was a head nod, I was so lost in his piercing stare I could not form any words. I decided to take a once over of his beautiful face. I noticed he had a light dusting of brown stubble on his face, his nose although looked perfect from afar was a little off but this flaw gave him character. His hair was unruly and a very odd shade of bronze and I wanted to run my fingers through it to feel how soft it was. He had a mole right below his hairline on the left side of his head, it was just asking to be licked.

He just chuckled." Cat got your tongue."

I blushed not knowing what I was more embarrassed about, the fact I was not speaking or the fact that maybe he noticed my ogling.

" I can speak thank you very much." I retorted. That beautiful smirk he just had on his face now was replaced with a grimace, I needed to get the sexy smirk back.

"Sorry that was rude of me, thank you for saving me from falling on my face I am a klutz sometimes." I smiled up at him.

" Oh you do speak." He laughed again. " Well we all cant be graceful right, that would make for a boring world." And there it was, that sexy smirk was back.

" Well glad you still have your calling in life." He looked at me confused. " Yeah." I blushed. " You know your calling in life, saving damsels in distress." I slipped my arms from his grasp.

He laughed " Yes well wish it paid my way through life." He winked at me then leaned into whisper in my ear. " Especially when the damsel is as beautiful as you are."

My knees went weak, his breath smelled like a mixture of coffee and caramel, wonder if he tastes as good as he smelled, stop that Bella, men like him don't do that with girls like you, there will be no tasting this sexy creature standing in-front of you.

In the few seconds I knew him he had me so mesmerized, He actually had me dazed and confused from the moment he bumped into me on the platform at the train station.

" Would you care to join me." He pointed to where a coffee cup was sitting on a table in the dinning car. Breaking me from my coffee and caramel daze.

" Um sure, are they still serving dinner?" I asked as he led me over to his table, I plopped down in on one of the bench seats, he slid into the other.

" I'll let you in on a little secret." He said as he leaned forward waiting for me to meet him in the middle. As I leaned in to hear his big secret, a waitress slid a plate of cheese fry's between us onto the table.

" Thanks." He said as he grabbed the ketchup bottle and shook it over the fries coating them with the red liquid.

The waitress looked over at me with a stern look on her face " Do you want anything." She grabbed her notepad out of her pocket."

" Um do you guys have a club sandwich?"

" Yes what kind of bread would you like and would you like chips or fires with that?"

" Oh um do you have sourdough." She nodded. " Ok, sourdough and chips oh and can I get a coke with a straw please."

She finished writing on her notepad " coming right up." She turned on her heel and walked away.

I leaned back in the bench and watched as he picked up a handful of fry's and stuffed them in his mouth. Some ketchup fell off a fry and landed on his hand that was rested on the table, he lifted up to his mouth and licked it off, wish I was his tongue. Wow Bella, now your jealous of his tongue.

I handed him a napkin. He took it and used it to wipe off his mouth " So what's this big secret you were going to tell me before we were interrupted by that pile of heart clogging comfort food." I giggled.

He swallowed his fries and took a sip of his coffee. " Well damsel in distress if you must know, if you pay the staff enough money you can get whatever the hell you want when dinner service is over." He leaned back all cocky like and gave me another sexy smirk.

I had to squeeze my thighs together to try and stop the girly bits from tingling. " Bella." Was my only response. Get a grip girl, don't let this perfect man get to you, you're a smart girl not some dumb teenager in lust.

" Huh." He looked up at me with those piercing green eyes again.

" My name is Bella not damsel in distress."

" Bella." It sounded so good coming out of his mouth. " Is that short for something?" He looked at me quizzically, waiting for me to answer. He stuffed another handful of fries in his mouth.

Did I want to tell him my real name? I hate that name. " Isabella, but I prefer to be called Bella."

He smiled at me again, why does he keep doing that? He's flirting with you cant you see. " Bella is a perfect name for you then, do you know that in Italian."

" Bella significa bello." I finished for him.

" You speak Italian?" He asked like he thought I was some dumb blonde.

" Yes and I also speak French and Spanish." Thank you very much I might loose my ability to speak around you Mr. Cocky but I am well educated. " You look shocked."

" No no, its just um." Yeah take that Mr. Cocky now who's tongue-tied. " Its I just did not expect that." He ran his fingers through his hair. Must be a nervous habit. I want a go at it; it looks soft.

" What am I the first damsel in distress that can speak more than English?" I raised an eyebrow at him, looks like snarky Bella was out to play today.

" Well, that's hard to say since you're the only damsel in distress I know." He smirked. " Um do you want some of these fries?" he pointed to the plate.

" Um no thank you, not much of a ketchup kind of girl." I mean he put half a bottle on them, I don't think there was a fry left without red goop all over it.

" You don't like ketchup?"

" No I'm more a fry sauce kind of girl." He was looking at me like I was some kind of alien.

" What the hell is fry sauce?" his cursing was doing things to my nether regions.

" Well if you must know its ketchup and Mayo mixed together."

" Sounds disgusting."

" Hey don't knock it till you try it."

He grabbed another handful of fries and put them in his mouth, we sat in relative silence while he chewed his fries. The waitress brought out my sandwich and coke and set them down in front of me, it looked delicious.

" Ma'am can we get a bowl of Mayo please." The gorgeous creature sitting across from me asked.

" Sure anything else?" she asked irritated.

He looked her directly in the eyes " No I think that will be all thank you for letting us eat." He replied.

He turned his attention back to me " Wonder who pissed in her cheerios this morning." He chuckled.

I couldn't help but join in his laughter " Well considering we are eating after hours I am guessing that maybe we did."

" Nah she was a crab before I even came in here, I overheard a gentleman talking about a rude waitress when I walked in."

I took a bite of my sandwich and I was in heaven, I could not help the moan that escaped my mouth, this was the best club sandwich I have ever ate, turkey, bacon, Swiss cheese, lettuce, Mayo and an avocado as a surprise.

He was starring at me as I ate. " That good huh."

I swallowed the bite in my mouth and took a sip of my coke " Oh yeah best club sandwich ever."

His tongue darted out and across his upper lip, they were cherry red and begging to be sucked and I was willing to put them out of their misery. Here I was sitting across from the most desirable man on the planet having all these naughty thoughts, but I had no clue what his name was or how old he was, where he is from, who his parents are, nothing. I think I need to get a little more info before I go molesting his lips with mine.

" So you know my name, fancy giving me yours since we are sharing a table and eating our dinner together, if you can call those fries dinner." I raised an eyebrow waiting for him to answer me.

" Well, if I told you I would have to kill you."

I gulped. " Really!"

He started laughing like a full out belly laugh and it was music to my ears " Glad I amuse you." I looked down ashamed, I could feel the heat from my blush creep up my neck.

He grabbed my hand and I felt that electric current once again " Although I love that blush on your face, I'm sorry for laughing at you. My name is Edward, Bella."

The waitress brought the Mayo and set it on the table, I grabbed the ketchup bottle and squeezed some into the Mayo, crap I have nothing to stir it with, I eyed Edward's spoon sitting on his saucer " Do you mind if I borrow your spoon." I asked.

" No go ahead and knock yourself out." He slid the spoon across the table.

I stirred the mixture in the bowl. I looked up when I was finished mixing the ketchup and Mayo combo, I could not help giggling Edward was wearing the cutest disgusted look ever on his face. " What."

" Are you sure you want to eat that, it looks like throw up." He shivered.

"I'm very sure." I grabbed a couple of fries dipped them in the fry sauce and then stuck them in my mouth moaning just for the effect. He just sat there stunned I think he even gulped. " Try it, it won't kill you."

" I beg to differ." He just sat there starring at me.

" Oh come on you big chicken, just try it once, please for me." I begged, yes I begged I know that's not like me.

" I'm putting my life in your hands." He gave me that sexy smirk that I was falling in love with, wow killer where did that come from. He sat there for a few minutes, I said screw it grabbing a few fries dipping them in the mixture and reached them across the table waiting for him to throw caution to the wind and try it.

Oh so slowly he leaned forward and wrapped his soft warm lips over the fries, grazing my fingers with his teeth in the process, it was sexy and sensual and my panties were now soaked all the way through.

I need a distraction this Adonis just brushed my fingers with his soft lips, and I was a puddle of goo. " So what do you think?"

He swallowed " Well I can see what all the hype was about, it looked very disgusting but it's very good, I think I might have found a new way to enjoy fries."

I could not help but smile, he liked it, he really really liked it. " See it told you so."

We sat there eating the rest of our meal every once in a while our fingers would brush against each other reaching for fries and every time the electricity would be there, wonder if he felt it too? " So Bella, tell me a little about yourself, what brings you to be traveling by train and by yourself?" he asked.

Was I ready to spill the beans about my life to a complete albeit hot stranger, nope I would just give him a brief history? " Well Um I am originally from Phoenix Arizona but moved to Chicago two years ago when my mother got a teaching job at a private school, I graduated a year early and took some time off to take care of my dying mother." I think I just wont the race I said that so fast wonder if he caught everything I said?

" Wait slow down, did I hear you right your are taking care of your dying mother."

" No did, um she died 2 weeks ago from breast cancer." I felt the tears springing to life, so I looked down to avoid his gaze.

" Hey Beautiful look at me, I'm sorry would it help to know that my parents died last month in a plane crash." I looked up clearly surprised.

" Yeah I know, they were on their way to Paris, their private plane was caught in a storm, they never made it." I gasped.

" Sorry." Was all I could get out.

" Well theres not much to be sorry about, my parents were never really parents I only saw then twice a year, I was always at boarding school, and then I went off to Harvard law school after graduation."

Wow he must really be smart, going to Law school at Harvard. I felt bad that his parents did not want anything to do with him. " I'm sorry." I apologized again.

" You really need to stop the apologizing." He said.

" So where are you going then if you are going to Harvard Law, I mean this train is going to California not Boston?" I asked trying to change the subject

" I am moving to live with my Aunt and Uncle and attend Stanford, I'm actually going to medical school now, I've always wanted to be a doctor but my father wanted me to be a lawyer just like him. now that he is not here anymore dictating my life I can do what I want."

Even though I felt sorry for how his parents treated him at least he still had some family left. I looked out the window at the dark sky, not wanting him to see the tears that were forming in my eyes; I was really alone in the world.

" Hey beautiful, look at me, did I say something wrong?" he asked, worry clearly written on his face.

I turned away from the window and looked into his piercing gaze. " No you did nothing wrong, sorry I am just still a little emotional still." I drank the rest of my coke.

" So what about you, why are you on this train?"

" Um well my mom wanted her ashes scattered under the Golden gate bridge, so that's where I am going." I grabbed my sandwich and took the last bite.

" Where's your father?"

I looked out the window again, this time I could not hold back the tears, they were streaming down my face, I felt strong warm arms wrap around my shaking body. He must have slid over to my side of the booth.

" Shh please don't cry." He wiped the tears that were falling down my cheeks.

" I'm sorry I am such a mess." I grabbed a napkin and wiped my tears. " I don't know my father, my mother left town when she found out she was pregnant, I don't know where he lives, what he looks like, his name, nothing."

" Sorry Bella, that's awful, so you have no family left?"

" No, no family, it's just me now."

Beep, beep, beep, beep… beep, beep, beep…. Where was that beeping coming from, it started up again beep, beep, beep…? Beep, beep, the strong arms that were wrapped around me were gone, I looked up and Edward was no where to be found.

The beeping continued, I got up from my seat and looked around for Edward, a man in a black jacket was walking towards me pointing a gun, I started running, every car I went through was empty no one was aboard this train, I panicked and fell down. The man was coming closer; I needed to get up. I heard the velvety voice whisper " Get up and run Bella." I found my footing and got up, his soft voice whispered to me again " That's it beautiful come find me, I need you to find me so I can save you." I looked down the hallway I was at the end of the train, I was trapped, I heard the voice again " Run, run to me Bella." I looked down at the door and there he was my savior, I ran as fast as I could I was about to him and then, Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, the noise was growing louder, beep, beep, beep and then he was gone.

I opened my eyes to the new day, I was sweaty and I felt like I had just run a marathon. The dreams were becoming more and more frequent; I reached over and turned off the blaring alarm, hoping it did not wake up the bronzed haired angel sleeping soundly next to me. Quietly I extracted myself from the bed and tip toed into the bathroom. Turning on the water in the shower I stripped and climbed under the Hot stream of water letting it cascade over my shoulders and back relaxing me in the process, every time I have one of these dreams my muscles are knotted. This dream though was not like the others, it was clear as day, like I was really there this time, and I could taste, hear, and feel everything.

I finished up my shower and climbed out grabbing a fluffy white towel and walked into my closet. I did not have time today to sit and analyze this dream, perhaps I could ask Jasper to help me try and figure out things on the plane. We were flying to Aspen for the Christmas holiday; I pulled on my skinny jeans and a navy blouse. I braided my hair and walked quietly out into the room. I walked over to the side of the bed leaned down and kissed my sleeping angel on the forehead.

My bronzed haired angel rolled over. " Morning mommy."

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed reading, this is just the start, the dreams continue in the next chapter and things will start to make sense, I promise.

Thanks for reading, reviews would be nice, but you don't have leave one.


	3. Chapter 2 Flight

A/N: So here is another chapter, and once again I do not own these characters, this plot I do own though and it likes to keep me up at night

I hope you enjoy.

* * *

" Morning my Princess, and may I ask why you are once again in mommy's bed?" Raising an eyebrow waiting for her reply. For the last two weeks this has been happening, I go to bed alone and in the morning she is there all curled up in a ball snuggling into my side.

" I like sleeping with you mommy you are all kinds of warm." She gave me that cute little smirk that melted my heart.

I leaned down and wrapped my arms around her, how could anybody resist her charms. " Your all kinds of warm too baby girl, and as much as I love having you come snuggle with me I am sure your bed misses you."

" I know but I had a bad dream." She looked down ashamed.

I softly pulled her chin up so she could look at me. " Hey Harper look at me, that's nothing to be ashamed of Princess, do you know mommy sometimes has bad dreams too."

She shook her head no

" I do, and sometimes it's good to tell people about them, do you want to talk about your dream?" I asked her, green eyes shinning back at me.

" Who do you tell?" she asked me.

" I tell uncle Jasper and he helps me understand them and he makes me feel better, so do you want to tell me what happened to scare you?"

She shook her head no again; it was breaking my heart. " Can I tell uncle Jasper, can he help me?"

She wanted to tell Jasper about her dream not me ouch that hurts. " Sure sweetie, but we need to get our butts in gear if we want to make our flight." I tried to not sound deflated, maybe if she tells Jasper he will tell me what's going on.

She started jumping up and down on my bed " We are going to go see snow today, we are going to see snow today."

I pulled her little legs out from under her and she toppled down onto the bed giggling, I pulled her over to me and began my tickle descent. " You have woken up the tickle fingers." I wiggled my fingers and started in on her little belly.

" Stop mommy I can't breave." I let up; I love listening to her giggle it reminds me why this little miracle came into my life. She was an angel sent straight from heaven to save me 5 years ago.

If I did not have her in my life I would cease to exist. " Okay pretty girl, go get dressed and meet me in the kitchen, want some waffles for breakfast." I asked.

" Yes." She yelled as she ran out of my room and down the hall.

I walked out of the room and watched as she skipped down to her room. " What was that, I did not hear you."

She stopped just outside her door " Yes, please."

" That's much better, oh and Harper remember it's going to be cold in Aspen so please wear your new Uggs and put on the clothes I laid out for you."

" Yes mom." She said annoyed, she is going to fun as a teenager.

I walked into the kitchen, it was sunny today so I opened the French doors that led out to the back porch, I saw Jasper and his gang of men in suits walking the grounds and waved, he gave me the same nod of his head I got every morning. Jasper was a true southern gentleman, all blonde wavy hair and blue eyes; someday he is going to sweep some lucky lady off her feet. I walked back into the kitchen, I set to work making the batter for waffles, once that was made I set it aside while the waffle iron heated up and cut up some strawberries and made some whip cream. The waffle iron beeped alerting me that it was hot, I poured the first batch in and closed the lid. I grabbed the juice out of the fridge and poured two glasses.

I heard the little pitter patter of Harper's feet coming into the kitchen, she pulled her self up to her barstool at the island, I placed a waffle on her plate in-front of her. " Do you want juice or chocolate milk?" I asked her already knowing the answer to that question.

She gave me that duh look. " Chocolate milk." I raised my eyebrow at her. " Please."

I poured her chocolate milk into her Tangled cup. " Anything for my baby girl." I ruffled the mop of curly bronze hair on her head and went back to making the waffles.

" Mom."

" Yeah." I turned to look at her.

" Please stop calling me baby girl, I'm a big girl now." She pouted.

" Wow, are you pouting? Big girls don't pout."

" Yes they do, don't let her fool you, your mom's the queen of pouting." Jasper kissed my daughter on her cheek; she lit up and giggled. Jasper has this way of wooing women I swear we can't help but surrender to his charm.

" Good morning ma'am." He winked at me, he knew I could not stay mad at him for any length of time, he's pure evil.

" Don't good morning ma'am me mister, now are you going to sit your ass down and have breakfast with us." I waved the wooden spoon in my hand at him.

He quickly sat down on the other barstool " Wow that was a close one I almost got beat by a wooden spoon." He whispered to my daughter. She giggled.

" I heard that."

" Wow who pissed in her cheerios this morning." He whispered. They both giggled.

" I heard that too."

" Jeez Bells maybe you should join the CIA."

" You're a regular comedian, how many waffles?"

" Two please, so are we excited to be going to Aspen." He asked more to Harper than me, this is what she wanted, when I asked her what she wanted for Christmas she told me she wanted to see snow on Christmas morning. So I booked the trip right away much to my dismay, I hate the cold, I hate to be wet and cold is more like it but I will do anything for her.

" Uh huh, do you know that mommy even booked me some snowboarding lessons." She had a huge grin plastered on her face.

" I think she mentioned something like that." Jasper is my saving grace, I carry the guilt that Harper has no clue who her father is around and it weighs heavily on me, but when Jasper gets her to smile I feel somewhat at peace that she has a man in her life that loves her. I know jasper would do anything for her, put his life on the line for her if he had too. He was there for us both from day one. His finger was the first finger her tiny hands wrapped around, he was the first person to hold her and he was there that fateful day in the delivery room when I was lying unconscious on the table as they rushed to deliver me. He was the one that the doctors and nurses told they did not know if she would make it; she was too early they said.

" You need to hurry up and eat then go brush your teeth Harper okay, the plane is waiting on us." I said, as I cleaned up breakfast.

" Kay" she wolfed down the rest of her waffle, she drank her glass of chocolate milk, and wiped her mouth on her sleeve.

" Harper Grace there is a napkin sitting right by your plate, please use it." I said, I'm trying to teach the girl some manners. I named her Harper after my mother it was her maiden name, Grace came from my grandmother, and her last name is Swan, which is my fathers last name and now my last name. I met him for the first time 6 years ago, after he got a call that his daughter that he had no clue about was lying in a hospital bed in Salt lake City Utah fighting for her life.

" Yes mom." She picked it up and wiped her mouth.

" Now skeedadle and go get those pearly whites brushed." She jumped down off her barstool and skipped to her bathroom.

" Your feisty this morning, what crawled up your butt." Jasper asked as he shoved a piece of waffle and whip cream in his mouth.

" Nothing crawled up my butt." I said as I washed the breakfast dishes.

He swallowed his food. " Bella, I have known you now for 6 years you can't hide from me, it's my job you know to feel people, I read emotions for a living, so out with it."

I can't hide anything from him it sucks. " Harper came into my bed again, she told me she had a bad dream but wont tell me what it was about, I told her I have bad dreams and you help me, she asked if you could help her." I said, as I leaned down to put the stainless steel bowl I used for the batter away.

" And let me guess it's making you mad that she wants to talk to me and not you." He raised his eyebrows at me.

" Yeah a little, I'm her mom I am suppose to make all the bad things go away."

" I am sure she still thinks that, but maybe it's something she knows will hurt you and she is trying to protect you, tell you what I will talk to her and if it's something you need to know about I will tell you Okay." He kissed my temple and walked down the hall towards her room.

I trusted Jasper with my very being, he would tell me anything that effected her. I finished up washing the breakfast dishes and cleaned up the kitchen; I walked to the French doors, shut them and locked the dead bolt. We were going to be gone for 2 weeks and the housekeeper and nanny were going to be off duty no reason to leave a mess. I walked back into my room; Harper's door was shut which means Jasper was talking to her, I hope he gets her to open up.

I double checked to make sure we had everything packed, grabbed my purse off the bathroom counter and rolled our suitcases out to the garage, I was putting them into the Escalade when I felt warm hands stop me.

" Miss Swan let me help you." I looked up into big brown eyes.

" Thank You Jake." Jake was one of Jasper's men and was always around, I swear he has a crush on me. I hate to let the poor guy down but it will never in a million years happen, he was not my type, he was a dog who liked women and a lot of them according to Jasper.

I walked back into the house, and down to Harper's room the door was still shut so I knocked. " Come in" Jasper said.

Harper had tear tracks running down her cheeks and she was wiping her nose on her shirtsleeve. "Everything okay in here." I asked as I walked into her bathroom and retrieved a Kleenex for her nose. I handed it to her; it broke my heart every time she cried. I looked over at jasper, he mouthed tell you later, and I nodded my head.

" Yes mommy, lets go see the snow." She grabbed my hand and led me out the door.

We piled in the Escalade and made our way to the airport in Long Beach. Seth let us off at the curb and we made our way to the plane, Eric our pilot was waiting for us.

" Welcome aboard Miss Swan, the weather is clear all the way to Aspen, we should arrive on time, Mike will be waiting for you guys to drive you to the house."

"Thank you Eric." I buckled Harper up and sat down in my seat opposite her. I gave her a piece of gum to help her ears.

Jasper was in a discussion with Eric and Jake up front and then came and sat down across from us. " You ready to take off." I shook my head; I was in need of a vacation even though it was to a cold place. My dreams were taking a toll on me and I was hoping that Aspen would help me get back into the groove of things. I just wanted to hide away from the world and play with my little girl in the snow.

We took off. Eric came over the intercom and said we could get up, Harper wanted to lay down on the couch and watch Tangled on her portable DVD player so I got her all settled with her headphones and walked back over to where jasper was sitting down reading a newspaper.

" So why was Harper all in tears when I came in her room, was it that bad?" I whispered. I really wanted to know what was going on and those tears were freaking me out just a little bit.

" If I tell you will you promise not to freak out, she is really afraid for you to know, she thinks you will be mad at her."

" Why would I be mad at her, I could never be mad at her."

" Never say never Bella, I am sure there will be a time you are mad at her."

" Just please tell me what has her so upset I can't stand to see her hurt."

He put his newspaper down and looked me in the eye; great it must be bad. " Yesterday at school some of the little girls were making fun of her saying she was a freak cause she did not have a dad."

" What!" Jasper looked back at Harper, she was entranced with the movie " Sorry what." I whispered.

" She said that she just ignored them but it made her sad, then last night she had a nightmare that her daddy left her standing in the middle of the street by herself, she said he told her he did not love her anymore and left. Then she asked who her daddy was and if I was her daddy."

I was floored she has never brought up the fact that she did not have a dad, and I have no clue what to tell her. " What did you say?" I asked him.

" I told her no I was not her daddy and to come talk to you about it."

" What do I tell her Jasper, I don't know who her father is let alone if he's alive or dead, what am I suppose to say."

" Just tell her the truth don't you think she deserves that much, she's five you knew it was going to come up sooner or later."

I closed my eyes I was not ready for this, I was not ready to tell her that I have no idea who her father is. " Yeah I guess so." I whispered into my hands.

" So how are you coming on the dreams? Have anymore?"

" I had one last night. Jasper I think I might have seen Harper's father in this one, we were on the train again but this time his face was not blank, he had the same unruly bronze hair and green eyes. He bumped into me before we boarded the train, then I saw him again in the dinning car and we shared a meal. He told me his name was Edward, we talk some more about things like our parents, then it went straight into me running away from the man and the gun, but this time I heard Edward yell come find me. It looks like I did not know him before I boarded the train"

" Did the dream start in Chicago?"

" Yes I think so, the station looked the same from when you took me back a couple weeks ago."

" So we have a name, it's a start, do you really think he might be." He looked back at Harper again.

" I don't know Jasper but she is the spitting image of the man in my dream, I just don't understand the man and the gun, I mean I get that someone was out to hurt me and obviously threw me off the train but why?"

" Bella I wish I had the answers to your question the only person that might have those is your father and he is not willing to share those details with me or you. Why do you think I have been trying my hardest to get you to remember what happened, I planted the seed a few weeks ago and you took the bait and now you are having dreams? You are remembering bits and pieces it will all come back to you it may take a while but it will."

" I hope you are right it's been six years what if it never comes back? I don't know why my father is hiding things from me, what's his motive Jasper? Tell me, you work together, he put you with me for a reason."

" Bella I see your father once or twice a year, other than phone calls here and there we don't talk much, I have never agreed with him about keeping things from you. He did tell me one time that he was glad you did not remember what happened and he was hoping that it stayed that way."

" Why? He's happy that I have no clue who my little girl's father is, he's glad that I do not remember the only man I may have ever slept with. I may love him but I will never understand him Jasper, I don't get it out of everyone you would think he would be the one to want me to find out who Harper's father is." I wiped away the tears that were falling down my face

Jasper reached over and wiped the tears away with the pads of his thumbs, if I did not see him as a dear and loyal friend maybe just maybe I could fall for him. He's that good and kind and sweet, he's everything I am looking for in a man but somewhere deep down in my soul I know he's not the one.

" Nor will I Bella, let's just hope it comes back without us involving him, Bella you deserve to know what happened and if it comes down to it I will make him see what he has done by keeping things from you." I rested his hand on my cheek.

" When I called him and asked if we could use the house in Aspen he told me that Harper and I should move there, he said you the editor of a magazine you can do that anywhere. I don't know what he has against LA."

" He's coming up next week to visit do you know that?"

" Oh yeah I will believe it when I see it, the last time we saw him was last year on Harper's birthday, he showed up gave her thousands of dollars in gifts and left that night, said he had some business to take care of."

" Bella he does care about you I know he has weird ways of showing it but he does."

" Whatever it does not matter." I waved him off. "What matters is that little girl and her well being, and if she wants to know about her father I will do anything in my power to make it happen, I just have to figure out who he is first." I looked back at my little princess and she was fast asleep on the couch.

" Ok let's dissect this dream close you eyes Bella and think about what happened, you said his name was Edward." I could hear his pen scraping against paper, he must be writing in his dream journal as he calls it.

" Yes that's what he told me."

" Did he say his last name."

" No."

" Ok back up again you said he bumped into before you got on the train explain this to me."

I let my mind wander back to the dream I had last night. " I was standing on the platform waiting to board the train when I felt a hard thump on my back, it knocked my bag off my shoulder, he kept me from falling down and I felt a jolt of electricity shoot up my arms. I turned around and starred straight into the most intense green eyes I have ever seen, he apologized and then he was gone. I looked for him before I boarded the train and saw him talking to himself, we made eye contact, he smiled and then I got on the train."

" Can you tell me what happened when you met up with him in the dinning car." Jasper asked.

" He asked me to sit with him, he asked me my name, I asked his. He asked me why I was traveling by myself I told him about my mom dying, he told me his parents were killed in a plane crash recently and he was going out to live with his aunt and uncle in California. We talked some more, then the man with the gun showed up, then my alarm woke me up that's about it."

" You can open your eyes Bella, well we have some stuff to go on, I'll give this information to Jake and he can run it let's see what it brings back."

Didn't you guys get any leads 6 years ago?"

" Charlie said he got one about 4 months after you woke up, he checked it out but he said it was a false lead, just some woman that wanted a reward of some kind, he closed the case after that. You did not remember anything so he let it go."

" Why have I repressed these memories? There's has to be some reason why Jasper, what if it all comes back and its not what I thought, what if he's not a good person Jasper what if he was involved in everything and that's why my dad is hiding things from us?"

" Let's just see where this lead takes us OK and if at anytime you want to stop just let me know I would never put your life or Harper's on the line you should know that."

Jasper got up and went to the front of the plane. I went back and quietly lifted the headphones off Harper I grabbed my laptop and sat down opposite her and opened the current story I was editing for the magazine. Rose was going to kick my ass if I did not get this finished, it was suppose to go to print next week.

Rose and I met when she came to visit Jasper 4 years ago, Rose is the epitome of beautiful, blonde hair and blue eyes just like her brother, oh and let's not forget the super model body, she turns heads everywhere we go. She took over Eclipse magazine for her father when he retired and brought it into the 21st century. She brought me on as the editor after her trip to Seattle, we moved to NY the next week and lived there until last year when Rose and I made an executive decision to move to LA closer to the action so to speak we both said. I really think it was so she could flirt with the surfer boys. I remember her saying that dating in NY was getting mundane, like I would know anything about that, who wants to date a 25 year old with a five year old. I have too much baggage.

Rose is meeting us up in Aspen she had to fly to London to meet up with Brad Pitt, we have been trying to get him to do a spread in our magazine since he and Angelina had the twins. I think she finally has made it happen, she said she had good news as was going to meet us up there so we could celebrate. I focused on the article in front of me; the big spread this month was David Beckham he and his wife were expecting their fourth child and first girl. Every media outlet were vying for his interview and we were lucky enough to land it, I was the lucky one that got to interview him, not what I usually do but Rose wanted it rough and truthful, not some twisted story like we sometimes print. So I sat in their vast home Victoria sat next to him the whole time, I could see the love they both shared for each other I longed to have that in my life, Victoria and I talked about having little girls, and what it was like to raise them.

Starring down at the words I had written I felt a pang of jealousy hit me, it's not fair I should have what they have, Harper should have a father that loved her, and was excited for her to come into the world, the tears started falling, I closed my eyes willing the tears to go away, I felt little hands clasp my face.

" Mommy why are you crying?" my little princess was looking at my clearly concerned, I rarely cried in front of her.

" Oh my little princess come here." I grabbed her and hugged her tight pulling her onto my lap. " I'm just sad sweetie, I wish those girls were not so mean to you at school." Good going Bella trying to divert her and you just led it right into where and who her father is.

She gasped and I knew she was going to be mad at jasper for telling me. " Jasper told you."

" Yes don't be mad at him OK mommy was just being nosey." I kissed her head.

" Uncle Jasper told me that I should ask you about my dad, so can you tell me about him?"

" I slid her off my lap and looked her in the eye, Harper I want you to understand that I would never keep him from you, you know that right?" she nodded her head. I took a long breath. " I really do not know much about your father Harper remember when I told you mommy was in an accident and lost her memory, well that's the part of my memory I lost. Uncle Jasper is trying to help me to remember though and I hope someday I will remember who he is for you."

"So you don't know my daddy." She looked up at me with her Emerald green eyes.

" No sweetie I do not. I'm so so sorry." I hugged her and cried."

" Shh mommy stop crying it's ok, do you." She paused. " Do you think he knows about me?" And I could see the question in her eyes does he love me.

" I really don't think so sweetie, but if we ever find him I am certain he will love you." I pulled her back into my lap and we cuddled for the remainder of the flight, my article forgotten and many questions still left unanswered but what mattered most was sitting in my lap.

* * *

A/N: So some more answers but a hell of a lot more questions, and what does Charlie have to do with it hmm we might find out soon

if you want leave a review, who knows I might post again this week

pics of Bella's house in LA will be on my profile along with the private jet they took to Aspen


	4. chapter 3 Snowmen and the ER

A/N: so here is the next chapter in my little story

Disclaimer I do not own twilight which really sucks but I own this plot, oh and I do not own any of the songs or lyrics used in this chapter either

* * *

The two hour flight from California to Aspen was short, Harper was bouncing up and down in her seat as the plane descended and she saw the snow, it had been over a year since she had seen the awful white stuff. I knew she loved the sand and ocean but she really wanted to play in the snow again, her face would always light up when she would look out our apartment window and see the snowflakes hitting the ground below. NY had been our home for 3 years and before that it was Seattle although Harper was to little to remember living there.

We touched down and Jasper returned to escort us out to the waiting car. I never really have enjoyed all this luxury afforded me, but Charlie insists it for my own good, and I want to make him happy so I usually just keep my mouth shut. It's really starting to aggravate me though, always having a bodyguard with me at all times, not to mention the ones in the background, I would just love to feel normal again.

Mike was waiting by the black SUV with the doors open " Welcome back to Aspen Miss Swan." He nodded at me.

" Thank you Mike." I said as I helped Harper up into the backseat, buckling her into her booster seat. I climbed into my seat as Jasper climbed in and took the seat next to me, Jacob climbed up-front, Mike shut the doors then climbed in the driver's seat.

" So the house is fully stocked with food, Miss Sue is here to do the cooking and cleaning." Mike explained.

I sighed; jasper looked over my way. " What he thinks I'm twelve and can't take care of myself, he's the one that needs the help not me I am pretty capable of making meals and cleaning."

" Bella, are you ever going to just accept the things Charlie does for you."

" Jasper he could be the poorest man on the planet and live in shack, and I would still love him, I think he thinks if I don't give her everything she won't want me as a father, he does not need to buy my love."

" I know Bella, but it's the only way Charlie knows, you should have seen him when he walked into the ICU room, I was there and his face was so full of regret, and remorse just indulge him please."

" Whatever." I sighed and looked out the window as we made it up the long driveway towards Charlie's house, more like mansion. The snow was piled up on either side of the driveway it looked like a winter wonderland, the pine trees were all covered with patches of white here and there and the green pine needles were barley visible underneath the snow. Puffs of Grey smoke were soaring to the sky from the tops of the chimneys.

" Mommy look at all that snow, can we make a snowman please." Harper's little excited voice broke me out of my trance.

" Sure Baby girl, we need to unpack first then we can okay." I turned around and her face was so lit up I could not help but smile back at her. " You are so beautiful princess, you know that." She really is, with her curly bronze hair, her big green eyes and her little freckle's on her nose that we call sun-kisses.

" Uh huh, uncle Jasper tells me that all the time, so do you mommy." She was nodding her head up and down.

" Good, don't let anyone else tell you you're not okay." I turned back around,

" So Jasper are you willing to get a little cold and help us with a snowman?" I knew he hated the cold just as much as I did, he was very happy when I chose to move to LA with Rosalie.

" Sure anything for my two favorite girls in the world." He gave he his signature smile, Which means it's for that beautiful girl in the backseat, and I could not agree more.

" One day you are going to make some very lucky girl fall in love with you, and I will be very sad."

" I highly doubt that my lady, the job does not allow for ample dating time." He shrugged his shoulders

" Way to make me feel bad, you know if it was up to me I would release you from your duties to me but it's not."

" I know Bella and there is nowhere I would rather be then here protecting you two, I like your company, you make me feel normal not like just some bodyguard."

Mike pulled up in front of the house and turned the SUV off, he got out of and let me out. " Leave your bags Jacob and I will bring them in, Bella I think Charlie has you in the Master Bedroom and Harper will be in the room two doors down." His blue eyes gazing at me as he grabbed my hand to help me out of the car his hand lingering much longer than necessary. I pulled my hand away as fast as I could.

" Thank you Mike." I waited by the car door for Harper, mike helped her down and she took off running for the front door, it swung wide open and Charlie swiftly picked up Harper and swung her around in his arms. I just stood there gaping.

" Close your mouth Bella, you might catch a fly that is not hibernating for the winter." Jasper giggled.

I slapped his arm. " You ass, it's not funny you told me he might come up next week, he's actually here." I whispered. I was shocked lately Charlie has been distant I got an occasional phone call here and there. Jasper said he's had a case that has kept him away, I never in a million years expected to see him here.

" So are you just going to stand there looking like a fish out of water, or are you going to come give your old man a hug, it's been awhile Bel's."

My feet finally decided to move and I ran up the walk and threw my arms around him. " I have missed you dad." I cried into his shoulder, I really have missed him and I am so thankful I have him in my life, having lost my mother he is the only parent I have left.

" Oh me too Bell's me too, let's go in I know how you are with the cold, you can tell me how LA is."

" Papa Charlie I want to build a snowman can we build a snowman before you guys get boring." She tugged on his mustache, her favorite thing to do.

Charlie laughed. " Sure princess, I even think I might have a few extra hats and scarves, and I think Miss. Sue might just let us use a carrot from the kitchen."

" Yes." She squealed as Charlie let her down to run into the house.

" She's growing up so fast Bells."

" You know if you came around more maybe it would not seem like she is growing up so fast."

" Isabella, don't start with me please, I want to have a good Christmas this year."

" Sorry, but it's the truth dad and you know it." I smiled at him and wrapped my arm around his waist as we walked into the foyer.

" I know, but with my line of work it does not allow me much time off, I do what I can."

" I know dad, I just wish we had more time together."

" So do I, let's make some good memories while you're up here okay kiddo."

" Okay dad sounds great." And you and I are going to be having a talk whether you like it or not, you are going to give me some answers, I said to myself wish I could say it out loud, but we just got here don't want to ruin it right away.

" The bags are in the rooms sir." Jacob said to Charlie he turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

" Let's go find your little girl, and get you unpacked, I put you in the master hope that's Ok."

" I would have been fine with the guest room dad, don't you want the master?"

" No sweetie I want you to have it, I'll be fine in the guest room."

" Are you sure?" I said as I looked up in to his big browns eyes, my eye's, I always wondered where I got my brown eyes from growing up Renee's were blue, I wonder if Harper is wondering the same thing.

" I'll go find Harper, you can go get unpacked, then let's go get this snowman built, I'll have Sue start some hot chocolate."

" Thanks dad." I rose up on my tiptoes and gave him a kiss on his cheek. I made my way down the hall to the master bedroom; I walked though the French doors. The room was basked in warmth from the lit fireplace. Grabbing my bags I walked into the closet and got them unpacked I made my way into Harper's room and stopped short as I heard her talking to Charlie.

" I wish my daddy was here with me, mommy has you as her daddy and I don't even have one."

Tears were rolling down my cheeks, I have failed my little girl, the thing she wants most and I can't give it to her. Please God help me; help me give her the one thing she really wants I silently prayed.

" Harper, not everyone has a daddy, but you have very many people that love you, I love you, your mom loves you even Jasper loves you." Charlie said as he helped her put on her snow boots, he zipped up her coat and put her hat on.

I wiped my eyes and my snotty nose and walked in the room " Wow look at you baby girl, already to go make a snowman?"

She nodded her head. " I am but your not, go get ready mommy and meet papa, Jasper and me outside in the back." She pushed me back out of the room.

" Okay okay Pippy." I tugged on one of her braids.

" You like them mom, Miss sue braided my hair, she says I have beautiful hair."

" You do have beautiful hair."

" And you are stalling." Charlie said laughing.

" Going now." I backed out of the room, and went back to my room; I got dressed, grabbed my camera and headed out into the backyard. I could hear Harper's sweet giggles and stopped to take a picture of her and Charlie Rolling a big snowball, Jasper was working on another one. It was the perfect shot.

" Put that camera down and help me." Jasper said from behind his huge snowball. " It's getting heavy."

" Losing your muscles." I giggled as I put the camera back in the back and set it on the table.

I walked over the bridge and frozen river and got behind the snowball he was rolling, Charlie and Harper had stop rolling theirs it was smaller than the one jasper had going, they got to work right away on another one. Jasper and I rolled the snowball around for a few more minutes and then lifted the smaller snowball on to ours. Charlie and Harper finished rolling the third and the smallest of the three snowballs then Jasper swept Harper into his arms and lifted her up to help place the third snowball on top.

She took her scarf off and wrapped it around the snowman's neck, she went to take her hat off, but Charlie stopped her.

" Here let's use mine we don't want your ears getting cold."

He placed his hat on the snowman's head, he walked over to the trees and broke off two branches and came back with some arms. Jasper let Harper down; she helped place the sticks in the sides of the snowman. Jasper had some rocks in his pockets and he placed them in the place for eyes and with the carrot in place the snowman was complete.

I stood back to admire the handy work; it was the best snowman ever. I wanted to get a picture so I ran back to get the camera off the table when I felt a cold wet hard feeling hit me in the back, I turned around and Jasper, Charlie and Harper all turned around at the same time. Oh they want to play huh well this is war.

I slowly reached down made two snowballs and hid them behind my back, I walked right up to Charlie and Jasper and smashed it in their faces. I grabbed Harper and took off running with Charlie and Jasper hot on my heels, they caught up to me fast and tackled us to the ground. We all giggled and started throwing snow at each other.

" Mommy let's make snow angels." Harper said as she lay in the snow already starting to make hers.

" Let's baby girl." I lay down next to her making one myself. Jasper and Charlie joined us on the cold wet ground making their own snow angels.

" Ok sweetie get up carefully and lets see them." I said to Harper. We all got up, and where our bodies were lay four perfect snow angels.

" I want to take a picture of you guys in-front of the snowman, let's go do that then I think Miss Sue might have the hot chocolate ready."

I went and grabbed the camera off the table, Charlie, Jasper and Harper stood In-front of the snowman, I was about to take the picture when I heard a sweet voice behind me.

" Here darling let me take one of all of you, it looks like you guys were having fun out here." Sue said. I handed her the camera and made my way over to the snowman.

She took a few shots. " The hot chocolate is ready when ever you guys want to come in."

Charlie walked over to the door. " Just leave your stuff out at the door, Sue will get it all and hang it up to dry for tomorrow he motioned for us to follow him in.

Harper grabbed my hand and stopped me, Charlie was already inside Jasper was at the door taking off his boots, he looked up at me and then went inside. I looked at my little girl. " Hey sweetie what is it." She was crying. I got down on my hands and knees to wipe away her fat tears.

" Mommy I want a daddy, he missed so much today, he should have been here with us." Oh my baby girl if you only knew how much I was feeling the same way.

" Sweetie, me too baby girl, but it's not his fault ok he does not know about princess, when we find him we will have more times like this I promise." I hope I can find him and when I do I hope he accepts you.

" Let's go have some hot chocolate, then I think we get to decorate the Christmas tree." Divergence is the key with her right now, I knew it was going to come to this someday I was just hoping I would have some more time to figure things out so I had some answers for her.

" Really we get to decorate the tree." I nodded my head. " Yippee." She giggled as I picked her up and set her down on the bench by the back door to take off her boots, her snow pants, coat and mittens. I slipped her inside and took all my stuff off. I looked back at the snowman, oh Edward if you're her daddy where are you? Help me out please!

* * *

The kitchen was alive with chattering voices when I walked in. I plopped myself down between Jasper and Harper at the Island, Jasper grabbed my hand and mouthed talk later, I just nodded. Harper was quietly sipping her hot chocolate, Charlie was in his favorite chair his phone to his ear a newspaper in his lap and his mug off to the side and Sue was at the stove stirring something that smelled like homemade chili.

" Hot chocolate my dear." She asked.

" Yes please."

She poured me a cup in tall mug. " Candy cane sprinkles, and whip cream?" she asked as she set the mug in front of me. This woman was unreal. Sue is Charlie's personal chef and housekeeper when he comes to Aspen; she has been around for many years and is a dear dear woman.

" Candy cane sprinkles? I have never tried them in hot chocolate are they good in it?"

" My mother always crushed up candy canes and put them in ours, I thought maybe Harper would like it."

I looked over at my daughter who was sipping hers as fast as she could drink it. " Well sure I'll try it." I shrugged my shoulders.

The hot chocolate tasted so good as it made a hot trail down my throat warming up my body and had the perfect balance between the chocolate and the peppermint from the candy canes.

" So I have it on good authority that the tree is on its way into the house." Charlie spoke up from his corner of the kitchen. " So once we get it placed it's decorating time."

Harper squealed and jump out of her chair then climbed up into her papa's lap, she kissed him on his cheek and then snuggled in. Jasper scooted his chair closer and I knew exactly what he was about to ask.

" So what was that about out there?"

" What do you mean, what was what out there?" Bella that you know darn well you can't play dumb with him.

Jasper just looked at me waiting on my reply. " Fine, she's missing a daddy she has never known, she wants him here with her, she said he's missing out on so much, I agree with her, but what can I do, I don't even know if the man I am dreaming of is her father." I threw my arms up, got off my chair and walked out of the kitchen, the last thing I want is Charlie wondering what is going on.

" Hey." Jasper yelled after me and followed me down the hall to my room. " Stop Bella gah you almost blew it right in front of Charlie if he knew we were looking my ass would be toast Bella."

I opened the French doors to my room and slammed them shut on his face, he was blaming me, he's the one that asked with Charlie in the room, why God are men so stupid huh answer me this please cause I will never understand them.

I climbed into the chair and starred at the light snow that had started to fall as the sky was turning from blue to gray. The doors flung opened then closed and then Jasper was sitting down across from me.

" Bella, I don't care if you sit there and Ignore me, sorry for blaming you, but you have to learn to keep your voice down. I'm sorry but I have to tell you we found nothing with the name you gave me nothing Bella, I don't know what that means, it could mean nothing it could mean everything, but I really think you are going to need to ask Charlie for some help. I will be willing to put my job on the line to help you, you know that and I will ask him if you don't, but he is here and Harper is asking so do it for her."

I sat there quietly absorbing what he was saying, was Edward lying about his name, was his name not really Edward, just great looks like I will have to ask Charlie. " Can you give me a few minutes alone please can you tell Charlie and Harper to wait to decorate the tree, I would like to warm up in a hot bath."

" Sure, sweet girl think about what I said Bella, it's time girl it's been long enough." He shut the doors and I was all alone.

I ran the bath water and poured some strawberry bath salts in to relax me. I plugged my ipod in on the docking station on the counter, hit shuffle and sunk down into the hot water. As the first chords of Lifehouse's Storm came on the tears began to fall; there was no way I was holding them back when this song played.

_How long have I_

_Been in this storm_

_So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form_

_Waters getting harder to tread_

_With these waves crashing over my head_

_If I could just see you_

_Everything will be all right_

_If I'd see you_

_The storminess will turn to light_

_And I will walk on water_

_And you will catch me if I fall_

_And I will get lost in your eyes_

_And everything will be alright_

_And everything will be alright_

_I know you didn't_

_Bring me out here to drown_

_So why am I ten feet under and upside down_

_Barley surviving has been my purpose_

_Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface_

With my head resting on the back of the bathtub and the last few notes of the song playing in the background I closed my eyes and willed the power of God to help me find Harper's father.

He was standing there in front on me with his beautiful bronze hair, green eyes and his sexy smirk, as I sat down in my seat.

" Is there anyone sitting next you?" He asked.

"No would you like to join me." I replied.

He sat down next to me and grabbed my hand; the electricity was back running up and down my body, why does this man's touch have so much power over me?

He leaned over and whispered in my ear " I quiet like you very much." He raised my hand up and placed a gentle kiss on it. I blushed " And I quiet like that blush you have going I wonder if I can make other places blush as much as your face."

Oh my god I am pretty sure you probably could. " Um yeah well I quiet like you too, so Edward you know a lot about me how about you do you have a last name." I changed the subject.

" Well um yeah um." He was stalling. " Sure it's um Mason."

" Well Edward Mason, I like you very much and I am glad you bumped into me before getting on this train."

Water washed over my face and I bolted upright in the bath out of breath. I must have been dreaming again, he said his last name was Masen, Edward Masen, I need to tell this to Jasper. I really should tell this to my father he's the one with all the technology, if Jasper is doing this behind his back there is no way he is using the companies computers my dad could trace it. Why do I not trust my dad? Because you think he is hiding something from you that's why, why can't my subconscious take a vacation once in a while.

After washing up I slipped out of the bath and put on my comfy yoga pants NYU sweatshirt and slippers, I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote Mason/ Masen on it and walked out of my room, Charlie and Harper were standing by the tree stringing the lights.

" Hey I thought I told you two to wait for me." They both just shrugged their shoulders.

" It's just the lights mommy you hate doing the lights, and you were taking so long."

" Sorry little one, mommy was so cold she needed to warm up." I ruffled her hair.

" Are you feeling ok." Charlie whispered in my ear. Harper was head deep into a box.

" Dandy, do you know where Jasper is?" I looked around the room he was no where in sight.

" I think he is with Jacob and Mike in the study, I needed them to look over some maps of the Amazon for me."

" Really, how many times have you guys been there?"

" Actually it's our first believe it or not, I know surprising huh."

" Seriously no one has ever hidden there before, I find that very hard to believe."

" I know this one is going to be dangerous, and long, that's why I came up here early I wanted to see you before I left."

" When, and who's wanting you to go this time?"

" Next week, and you are more than welcome to stay as long as you need to. And you know I can't tell you that."

" Of course well it's either the CIA or the president, I'm not dumb dad, you might not work for them on paper but I know they pay your bills. I wish I could stay longer but I have to get back Harper has school, and I need to get back to work." I knew it was coming.

" Bella how many times do I need to tell you, you do not need to work and I hate you living in LA it's not safe, to many opportunities to get your picture taken.

I do not want to fight with him. " Dad not now, not when you have to leave and I don't know if I will ever see you again, I'm not famous, trust me no one wants to take my picture. I'm and editor I work behind the scenes, you live the dangerous life not me I love you and so I allow you to take care of me but I like to live my own life too."

" Bella there are dangerous people out there that know about you and Harper and want to take you out because of me."

" I know dad, I understand that you protect me and Harper and everyone else in this country, I also understand why you have to take them out before they have a chance to even defend themselves but please you have me well protected. Can you lay off the fact that I live in LA please, Harper loves it there and we don't live in LA with the thugs we live in Bel Air."

" Yeah you are really funny my dear daughter, I just worry about you."

" I know, hey I am going to go find Jasper, he asked for something and I found what he needed."

I walked up the steps and down the hall to the study, the paper slipped out of my hands and landed on the floor. I bent down to pick it up but felt a pair of warm hands grab mine and pull me up, then warm lips on mine. I tried to pull away but I was held tight, I looked up into the smiling face of Jacob black. I lost it I pulled my hand back and let a punch go to his cheek, as my hand made contact with the side of his face I heard the crunching sound of my bones.

" Ouch, fuck, damn, you asshole why did you kiss me." I yelled, I was holding my hand and jumping around.

Jasper, Mike, came running out of the study and Charlie came running up the stairs Jacob held his hands up in defeat.

" Look I, I." He was backing up; Charlie was storming down the hall. " She was under the mistletoe and it was the perfect opportunity."

I looked up sure enough I was standing right under the mistletoe. I heard the loud laughter of my best friend Rosalie coming down the hall I turned my head there she stood with my daughter hooked to her hip, she was laughing too, this is not funny.

" Jacob Jacob Jacob, Bella will never fall in love with you but I have to give you an E for effort."

Everyone burst into laughter. "Glad I amuse you all, this is not funny, I think I broke my hand."

" Kiddo let me see." Charlie grabbed my hand and I winced.

" I think you forgot the number one rule when you throw a punch, always put your thumb in remember that next time when someone you don't want is kissing you." He glared at Jacob. " I think your hand is broke we need to get you to the emergency room, it's already swelling up."

" Jasper and I will take her, Charlie you stay here with Harper, and Mike you can deal with the idiot." Rose pointed at Jacob.

" Mommy are you going to be okay." She was whimpering.

" Yes baby girl, mommy just has a huge booboo right now."

" Can I kiss it better." She asked.

" Sure princess." I let my hand go so she could kiss it, she placed her little lips on it and gave me a gentle kiss it hurt but I hid it as best as I could.

" Now it's all better."

" Yes little one, but I still need a doctor to check and make sure okay I'll be back why don't you and Charlie decorate the tree and surprise me with it when I get back home."

" Okay." She grabbed Charlie's hand and led him back downstairs.

" Lets go before I feel like breaking my good hand on the other side of his face." I spat at him, he was really arrogant and I wanted to wipe that smug smile off his face.

Rose and Jasper led me down to the SUV Jasper put me up front and Rose climbed in back and we made our way to the ER, we walked through the door of Aspen community hospital and walked up to the nurses station. It was pretty dead in the waiting room so a nurse led us back to a room I think her name was Jessica. She took all my information down, and took my vitals then walked to the door.

"Dr. Cullen is the doctor working tonight he will be in about 5 min, he's just stitching up a kids head right now." She shut the door and we were alone.

I closed my eyes my head was pounding along with my hand, and I was feeling a little faint.

" Bella you should lay down you are looking a little pale right now." Rose my best friend was sitting on a chair flipping through a magazine. Figures I'm hurt and she is looking to see what our competition is writing about.

The door swung open and in walked a blue eyed, curly brown haired giant of a man. " You like motorcycles."

Huh, what I know my brain is foggy but what is he talking about.

" No um it was the only thing sitting there." Rosalie hurried and put the magazine down.

I giggled, she was flustered, which means she thinks he's cute, sweet I can play with this. They stared at each other for a few minutes, Jasper was shaking his head, this would be comical if my hand was not throbbing.

" So are you two going to stop eye fucking each other so I can get my hand fixed." I said with a huge smirk on my face, jasper started laughing from his chair, I could not help it I bust out laughing and the two of them jump out of their trance.

" Yes sorry, I'm Doctor Cullen or you can call me Emmett if you would like." He shook my good hand. " Now tell me how this happened." He was checking my hand making me wince

" Yeah well I punched a dog."

" What you punched a dog."

" No not a real dog a guy that kissed me without my permission."

" Bad ass, how's his face."

" Did not even make a dent." Jasper and Rosalie both let out a laugh.

" Well we are going to have to work on that, well I think it might be broken. I'm going to send you down to get a x-ray just to be safe, and next time you go around punching guys who are idiots put your thumb in, it helps take the pressure off the rest of your hand."

" Wow my dad said the same thing."

" Smart man, ok Jessica will come and walk you back when they are ready for you, and I'll be back to let you know what the x-ray shows." He looked over to Rose and smiled. She blushed and tried to smile back and he walked out he door

" Wow Rosalie Hale blushed."

" Shut up." She threw a magazine at me,

I laughed. " No he's cute just your type, muscles, and a doctor, I say go for it."

Jasper huffed from his seat. "Excuse me ladies but all this talk is making me sick I think I might just throw up." He made a gagging face.

" Seriously you were reading this crap, why?" I grabbed the dirtbike magazine and thumbed through it, ok so some of the guys were kind of hot, turning the page my eyes landed on green eyes and bronze hair my hand started shaking and I dropped the magazine to the floor and gasped. It was Edward, the man in my dreams; he was standing by his bike his helmet in his hands.

" Bella sweetie what's wrong calm down you are starting to freak me out." Rosalie was by my side, Jasper reached down and picked up the magazine he took a good look at it then looked at me all I could do was nod.

" Rose can you go out and distract the nurse for minute I need to talk to Bella."

" Sure but first you have to tell me why, I hate secrets." Jasper pointed to the picture she gasped, they both knew there was no question, Harper looked just like him.

" Yeah how much time do you need." She asked.

" Five, ten tops, we don't want them to suspect anything."

She walked out the door. " Okay I need you to look at the picture again Bella just to make sure." Jasper handed me the magazine.

With shaking hands I took another look, oh man there are no words to describe how sexy this man was and I was just looking at a picture, I could feel the pieces of my heart slowly coming back together.

" I'm sure." Was all I could get out, I was stunned into silence, maybe it was a good thing the mongrel kissed me, we found him.

" Okay well I really did not need you to confirm just one look and I knew, your right she is the spitting image of him.

I could hear yelling outside the door. " What are you talking about, she needs to have that x-ray I just can't put a cast on her hand without one." The door opened and Rosalie was trying to get Doctor Cullen out of the room.

" It's okay Rosalie I'm not afraid anymore, Jasper calmed me down, let's get this over with so I can go back home." I willed her to let him go.

" See Okay wow everyone is interested in my dirtbike magazine, he grabbed it out of my lap, I think nurse Jessica stole it to stare at my brother." He looked down, and then back up at me. " Looks like you were doing the same thing."

" He's your brother." I stuttered out.

" Yeah well he really is my cousin, my parents adopted him after some tragic accident killed his parents, or that's what they told us. I'll let you in on a secret since I probably will never see you again, he's might be a great dirtbike rider but he has no clue how to treat the ladies, he's a real man-whore."

I gasped and the world went black.

* * *

A/N: well there it is what did you think, I hope you have some more answers or did I leave you confused once again

links to the song and pics of the Aspen house will be on my profile along with the other links I already have on there

If you want leave a review if you don't that's fine to I am just glad you came to read it


	5. Chapter 4 clarity

AN: Here is the next chapter I promised answers you get them all in this chapter well ok maybe not all but most of them, Oh and I know I said EPOV was next well it worked better this way sorry.

Discalimer: I do not I repeat I do not own Twilight I wish I did cause then I would not have to go back to school to get my nursing degree.

I have posted some pics, and some songs on my profile if you want to take a look

* * *

The darkness gave way and I was engulfed in a fog like haze, I could see a light off in the distance and something in the pit of my stomach told me I needed to get to the light. I walked forward but the light moved further back I walked forward and again the light moved further away. I started running through the haze towards the light.

" Bella." I heard my name whispered, I spun around there was no one anywhere, I spun back around the light now gone, I was lost, it was dark where do I go now?

" Bella." The velvet voice was back, I knew that voice but from where? I spun around again no one was around.

"Bella love get on the train." The velvet voice whispered Huh train there was no train around. "Come find me I'm waiting for you." The velvet voice was back and it was music to my ears, the haze lifted and in front of me was a train, I felt the pull on my heartstrings, I needed to get on the train, I needed to find the person behind the beautiful voice.

I walked forward towards the train, I went to step on the first step but my foot would not lift off the ground it felt like a ton of weights had been placed in my shoes. Why can't I lift my foot? What is keeping me from getting on this train?

" Bella please try again love, please I need you to come and save me." The beautiful velvet voice is back urging me on. He has faith in me I need to try, I lift my right foot, and then my left I am on the first step, one more and I am in the train, but a hand reaches out and grabs my wrist stopping me in my place.

" Bella, don't please I'm begging you don't get on this train." A voice deep, raw and manly whispered in my ear, I know this voice too and I am being pulled in different directions.

" Bella please come my love I need you." The velvet voice begged.

" Bella don't get on the train, please he will only hurt you." The deep voice yelled into my ear

" Bella I love you please, please come find me, please." I felt drawn to the velvet voice so with my mind made up I step up on the last step.

" NOOOOOOO." The deep voice faded out as a train whistle blew.

I stepped up into the train and am immediately overcome with the most delicious scent of leather, a tinge of tobacoo, mixed with citrus sandalwood and a hint of oakmoss, I close my eyes and inhale taking the scent in, I have an overwhelming feeling of being home.

I open my eyes and see the most beautiful sight Edward is standing at the end of the car pulling at his bronze hair, " Edward." I whisper.

He snaps his head up, his emerald green eyes boring into mine. I step forward tentatively reaching my hand out for him. He steps forward inching closer to me, I run to him but as he reaches me he disappears. I turn around searching for him; he is kneeling down by one of the seats holding his hand out for something. I move forward trying to get a better look, he stands and pulls up a brown haired girl.

I am hit with the realization that I am back on the train seeing everything as it happening, am I finally going to get the answers that I have been looking for? Is that why the deep voice was warning me not to get on who was that voice? Do I want the answers? Yes I want the answers if not for me, for my little girl, she deserves to know who her father is.

" Bella." He whispers, he has such a sexy voice. " Come with me to my car."

I follow them into the room, he grabs my bag and flings it into the corner along with his leather jacket, then he pulls me down onto his pull out bed with him, and his lips are instantly on mine.

I can feel his soft gentle kisses on my lips and I can taste the hint of tobacco from his breath. I reach up and brush my fingers across my lips I have missed this feeling.

I take a breath, his lips never leave my skin as he sucks on my neck, his fingers fumble with hem of my T-shirt pulling it up and over my head, my arms automatically wrap around my chest.

" Your beautiful don't cover up baby." He whispers as he ghosts his lips over my exposed skin on my chest. I can feel everything, like he's doing this to me. I let my arms fall and bring them up to grasp the hair at the nape of his neck.

I moan as his lips travel further down, he slowly pulls my bra strap off my left shoulder exposing my left breast, my nipple peaking from the cold or from the arousal he is creating probably both. I throw my head back as he latches on with his sweet soft mouth. I feel everything his mouth on my nipple sucking, his fingers ghosting over my right breast fondling it as he sucks; I can feel it all.

He reaches around and undoes my bra; I lift off his white v-neck T-shirt and throw it on the floor. I run my fingers through the light splattering of brown hair on his chest. He lays me down on the bed, his fingers ghosting around my belly and then they travel south to the button of my skinny jeans, he takes his index finger and runs it under the top of my jeans eliciting a giggle out of me.

" Mm ticklish are you." He whispers. As he pops the button and slides the zipper down, I blush and I feel my body heat up.

" I like it when you blush, do you care if I remove you out of your jeans."

I shake my head no, and whimper "please."

" What do you want?"

" You, I want you." I softly reply.

" As you wish my love." He discards the jeans and my panties and then leans back to take in the view before him.

I feel exposed so I cross my legs. " Hey it's ok I like what I see." He leans down and kisses me again on the lips.

" Um this is my first time." I barley whisper and turn my face to hide.

He grabs my chin turning me to face him " Hey now don't hide from me, I'll take it slowly."

" OK." I whimper.

I hear him undo his belt and the sounds of a zipper, the thump of his discarded jeans on the floor and then I feel him, skin against skin he leans down and kisses me on my lips, I can feel his erection pressed against my thigh.

" You're so beautiful, you have entranced me my angel." He whispered in my ear, moisture seeps out from between my legs. His fingers slowly travel from my head to the apex between my legs and then I feel him slip a finger in me.

"Aah." I moan, it feels like heaven, he slowly adds another and he moves then in and out and I can feel the tightening of my stomach muscles, my body is overheating, I'm thrashing around, I need something I can feel it but what?

" That's it my love come for me." He whispers in my ear, his soft sexy voice sends my body into a frenzy then every thing explodes around me, I'm seeing white stars, and I feel euphoric.

" God that's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You having an orgasm will forever be ingrained in this head of mine Bella, I think I just fell in love with you."

I could not even form a coherent sentence, I was in a state of bliss this gorgeous sexy man just said that he loved me. I felt him push his tip at my entrance and I tensed.

" It's ok baby just relax it will help." His soft soothing voice was at my ear relaxing me. " Relax." He whispered and I complied.

He slowly pushed in further; I could feel myself tense up. " Baby it's going to hurt I don't want to do it on purpose love but you need to relax or its going to hurt worse come on help me out." He pleaded.

I finally found my voice " Go fast, just do it, please I can't take it slow."

"Open your eyes baby, I need to see your beautiful brown eyes." I opened them.

" That's' it, I need to see your eyes to know your ok."

With one thrust he was fully sheathed inside me, I could feel every emotion pour out of me, pain, fullness, lust, wonderment; want but most of all I felt loved.

He gently leaned down and kissed me on the lips. " I'm sorry my beautiful angel."

God he needed to stop apologizing. " Just go, it's good, I need you to move Edward please." I begged.

He obliged, starting out slowly gauging my reactions, it was painful at first but soon the pain gave way to the pleasure, I looked up into the amazing green eyes of the first man to ever declare they loved me, and my body exploded once again.

With one more thrust Edward found his release, spilling his seed and collapsing onto me panting. I knew in that moment of pure bliss that I loved this man, he was my soul mate my one true love.

He pulled the covers up over us. " Bella that was amazing, I felt so drawn to you the moment I bumped into you, like you're my reason for existing on this earth."

" Edward."

" Hmm." He was falling asleep.

" I love you."

" I love you too, my beautiful brown eyed angel."

We fell asleep sated. I was jolted awake by a gun getting shoved to my head and a strange man's voice telling me to get dressed and get up. A white shirt and my jeans were tossed at me, I looked down and Edward was not moving, how was he sleeping through all this commotion, I started shaking him it was not working he was lifeless, tears started to pour down my face.

I shook him, again nothing; I needed him to wake up " Edward come on wake up I need you to wake up." I sobbed.

Is he dead I thought to myself, god no he can't be dead, he was my love, my life, my sun, my everything. I checked his pulse and when I found it relief washed over me I shook him again and pleaded for him to wake up.

The man pointing the gun at me started to laugh " You can try all you want he won't be waking up for few hours."

" What did you do to him." I yelled.

" Calm down we don't want to alert the other passengers, now if you don't want me to shoot him I would suggest you get up and go to the door." He put the gun to Edward's head.

" No no don't shoot him please." I pleaded with the man to leave him alone. "I'm getting up, can you at least turn around so I can get dressed."

I jumped at the sound of another voice at the door. " I would suggest you just do as he asks if you don't want your loverboy harmed." I knew that voice, I t was the same voice that tried to stop me from getting on the train.

I hurriedly slipped on the shirt fumbling with the buttons and pulled the jeans up my legs, the man with the gun tossed me my shoes I slipped them on and stood up.

" Good little whore, now where's your bag?" The man with the gun asked.

I shakily pointed my finger to the floor, without lowering the gun he grabbed my bag off the floor and tossed it to the man standing at the door, he started rummaging through it and pulled out my wallet.

" Isabella Marie Dwyer." He said my name with disgust. "Thought it might be something more on the lines of Cherry or Candy you know something that matches the whore you really are." He spit on me like I was a piece of trash. I flinched and the tears came again. Who were these men?

" Who are you and what do you want? " I whispered.

" No questions, now get moving." The man waved the gun at the door and I started moving towards the door, I took one last look at the beautiful man laying on the pull down bed and lost it, I ran back over to him, I leaned down and whispered in his ear.

" Edward I love you never forget that, please don't ever forget, I'm leaving my heart with you." I kissed him on the lips; a tear slipped off my face and landed on his cheek the last piece of myself I could leave with him. I caressed his other cheek one last time before I was pulled up by my arm and forced out the door.

With a gun stuck into my back I walked away from the one thing that meant the world to me. We walked down the small confined hallway through the dinning car, through the passenger car full of sleeping people and with each step I took further away from the love of my existence a piece of my heart broke. I could no longer walk and my legs gave out. The man with the gun picked me up and dragged me down four steps and ripped open the doors, I could hear the sound of an alarm going off and the gun was once again shoved into my back.

" Jump." The men yelled in unison.

They were crazy there was no way I was jumping I would never survive, trees, bushes and rocks were whizzing by. The skyline was becoming light once again, the dawn of a new day, A day that I thought would be the start to something wonderful.

I looked out at the scenery in front of me I don't know if I was hallucinating or not but it seemed like it was moving more slowly than before. As I stood on the precipice of living and dying I saw my life flash before me. Not my old life but the life I could have had with Edward. Us together laughing, loving each other, marriage, buying our first house, having our first child together, buying a bigger home for our growing family, teaching our kids to ride their bikes, teaching them how to drive. Watching our daughter go on her first date, going to graduations, welcoming new members into the family through weddings, and welcoming grandchildren. Edward and I with Grey hair sitting on our front porch telling the grandchildren sitting in our laps the story of us.

" If you don't jump I will shoot you and then I will go back and shoot your boyfriend." One of the men yelled in my ear.

I just stood there and shook my head, I heard him cock the gun. I can't let them hurt Edward, I need to be brave, I needed to do this. I just hope there was a God and he would spare me so that someday I could find the reason I was on the earth again.

I saw my bag fly out of the moving train and knew it was now or never I took one last breath and with a whisper told Edward that I love him, then jumped, I felt the ground below me and a searing pain in my head.

I watched myself jump off the train to save the only man that I had ever loved, I turned around and looked into brown eyes and gasped they were the eyes of my father.

" Bella."

" Bella."

" Bella do you hear me." I could hear someone whispering my name.

" Bella come on, open your eyes." It was the quite voice of my best friend Rose. My eyes felt heavy, I tried blinking but they would not open.

" Come on you need to open your eyes." I heard Jasper this time

I blinked my eyes and sat straight up the room was spinning, where was I, I looked around I was sitting on a bed with white sheets on it, a very good looking huge burley man wearing green scrubs was standing by the bed looking at me. Crap my hand I went to flex my fingers and could not, I looked down and it was in a pink cast.

" I decided to x-ray it while you were out, thought it would be better since you were so afraid." Doctor, said with a smile.

And it all came rushing back to me in a flash, the kiss from Jacob, the punch, me breaking my hand, seeing Edward in the magazine, the doctor claiming he is his brother and that Edward is a man-whore, the darkness, the train, Edward and I making love, being dragged at gun point and thrown off the train, and my father being behind it. I needed answers and I needed the right now.

I jumped off the bed the floor coming up to meet my face, strong arms wrapped around me setting me back on the bed.

" Woah, slow down little lady, where do you think you are going." Doctor dimples patted my head.

" I need to go home."

" Eager to get out of her huh I think La is a little to far away and I would not allow you to fly right now."

" No I have a home here in Aspen, who told you I was from LA?" I looked over at my friend and boss. Yep it was her she looked guilty.

" Well I asked where you were from while you were out, I think we need to keep you overnight just for observation." The doctor said.

That is not going to fly, I needed to get some answers from my father before my friend opens her big fat mouth and tells him everything, and I needed these answers tonight.

" I think I was just light headed from the pain in my hand."

" Still, I think I want to run some more tests."

" Listen Doctor Cullen it happens all the time, I pass out easy."

"Okay I will let you leave, but you need to promise me you will go home and rest, oh and please call me Emmett, Doctor Cullen is my father."

" Thanks, Um can you give me a few minutes with my friends."

" Sure, I need to go get your discharge papers ready, I want you to just lie there while I'm gone." He patted my knee, gave Rose a huge dimpled smile that made her blush and then walked out of the room closing the door behind him.

" Rosalie Hale you got it bad." She plopped down in the chair against the wall."

" Shut up." Jasper and I laughed.

" He's cute I say go for it, but you are never good at long distance relationships, remember James."

" Please do not bring him up he's so gross, ugh I do not want to remember him, plus it won't be long distance."

" What do you mean, he lives here in Aspen."

" Until tomorrow, tonight is his last night here, he just finished his residency and is moving back to LA to work with his father."

I looked over at Jasper he just shrugged " How long was I out for? Seems like you know a lot about doctor dimples." Jasper let out a huge belly laugh.

" He does have cute dimples." Rose sighed.

" Hurry Jasper hand me a tongue depressor I think I need to gag myself." I pretended to gag myself. Jasper was trying to keep his laughter under control; we were making fun of his sister.

" Shut up, just shut up you two."

" I love you Rose, you know that right." She nodded her head. " Ok I am glad you like him, but how much does he know, please tell me you have not told him anything."

Jasper cleared his throat. " Bella all he know is that you are from LA, you like the color pink and you're an editor at Rosalie's magazine."

" That's it." The both nodded yes. " My favorite color is not pink that's Harper's."

" We know but we had to tell him something when he asked us what color cast to put on your hand."

" Thanks, um I have another favor to ask of you guys, I need someone to keep Harper Busy when we get home preferably in the theater room, its sound proof and I do not think I want her to hear the conversation I am about to have with my father."

" So did you have more visions while you were out." Jasper asked.

I nodded my head. " Don't ask I won't tell you until I get all the answers from Charlie." I got up off the bed and walked over and grabbed the motocross magazine I handed it to Rose. " Put this in your purse please I need it."

" Bella, I really like him, how long before I can tell him he has a niece, I don't think I could keep secrets from him."

" Rose, just please let me do this on my own time, I need some answers first then I will decide what to do can you please just hold off until I figure things out, please."

" Bella that's really not fair I don't want to start a relationship with lies."

" I know and I really should not ask you too but put yourself in my shoes Rose what would you do, I really need to get some answers first, then you can help me figure out what to do."

" Fine." She pouted.

A knock came on the door, and in walked nurse Jessica, she handed me the discharge papers. " Emmett, I mean Doctor Cullen just got pulled into a surgery, he said you need to make an appointment to get your cast off in 5 weeks he said to give you his fathers card." She handed me his card.

" Oh he said to give you this." She handed Rosalie a white card. " He said that he wanted to give it to you personally and he's sorry he was not here to say goodbye to you." Nurse Jessica giggled.

" You can get dressed, he wrote out a prescription for some pain killers if you want, but you can take up to 800mg of ibuprofen if you would prefer, oh and he said you need to take it easy, that's all I'll leave you to dress." She walked out of the room and closed the door.

I dressed and we were on our way back to the Aspen mansion, we pulled up the long driveway and I sighed.

" Bella, are you okay." Jasper asked.

" Honestly Jasper no I'm not but I have to do this." Jasper pulled up by the front door and turned off the car.

" Rose I need that magazine." She pulled it out of her bag. The front door opened and my beautiful little girl came running out, followed by Sue. The tears started falling instantly my eyes landed on her, oh my sweet baby girl I hope with everything in my heart that this all works out and you are not hurt in the end.

Jasper squeezed my leg and I nodded my head, I opened the car door and got out, sweeping my beautiful angel into my arms.

" Mommy your hand is it hurt?"

" Yes baby girl, it's broke."

" Oh mommy I'm sorry." She pulled up my hand and gave it a little kiss. " You gots a pink cast."

" I did, just for you my princess."

" I love you mommy, I missed you."

" I missed you too, and I love you so much." I gave her a big hug and we walked into the house.

" Where's grandpa?" I asked.

" He got a phone call I think he's in his work room with Jacob and Mike." Sue said as I walked into the spacious foyer.

I set Harper down on the travertine tile and bent down onto my knees in front of her. " Sweetie mommy needs to speak to Grandpa, Aunt Rose is going to go watch a movie with you, is that OK when I get done I'll come find you and we can snuggle all night Okay."

She nodded her head and grabbed Rose's hand leading her down the stairs I mouthed a thank you to Rose, she just nodded.

" Jasper." I looked to my only constant in my life, he was there when I woke up in the hospital and he is here right now.

" Go, you need to do this for you, if you want me I'll be in my room." He hugged me and I walked up the stairs.

I paused outside the door to the study, was I ready? With one last sigh I knocked on the huge wooden door.

Jacob opened the doors, he look at my hand a sighed. " I'm so sorry Bella." I waved him off.

" I don't want to hear your excuses I hope it never happens again and please can you excuse me and my father I need to speak to him in private."

" Um yeah sure." He left the room.

I walked further in my father was on the phone, mike was sitting at the table going over the maps. " Mike."

His head popped up. " Can you leave the room I need a few moments with my father alone please."

" Sure Miss Swan." He stood up and walked out of the room. I did not have the energy to correct him on my name, I hated being referred to Miss Swan, I preferred then to call me Bella and they all knew that.

My father took one look at me and ended his call; he turned his back to me and looked out the window the sky was black a few starts were peaking out from breaks in the clouds.

" I have to leave tonight."

" Figures, you are never around for the holidays, when I saw you standing on the doorstep this morning I thought this year was going to be different."

" Bella, please I do not want to fight."

I threw the magazine on his desk; it landed with a loud thump, the page with Edward sitting on his bike, his helmet in his arms starring right back at me. " It's to late for that."

He turned around and looked down the color draining from his face. And he slumped into the chair.

" I want, no I need answers dad and I want them tonight, you leaving to go off tracing through he amazon is bad timing but I need to know why? Why did you throw me off the train dad? Did you know who I was?"

" God no Bella, if I knew that do you really think I would do that to you, it killed me when I walked into that hospital room and saw you laying there tubes all over you, knowing I was the person that put my daughter there. No I did not know about you, your mother left me I was just a poor police chief at the time and I trapped her or that's what she told me, so I let her walk away."

He had his head in his hands and was sobbing. " I died that day she left, then I died again the day that I got the call from the FBI looking for me, telling me that they had found a letter in a girls bag who was in the ICU claiming I was her father. When I asked why she was there and they told me they had found you by the railroad tracks I lost it. I'm so sorry Bella."

I wanted to go and comfort him he was clearly hurting but I needed to know everything. " Why did you throw me off the train."

He did not say anything. " Why." I yelled it this time.

" You want to know why." He yelled back at me.

" Yes." The venom in my mouth was strong.

" Because." He paused. " I was mad when we opened the door and there the two of you were laying in each others arms, it was suppose to be Edward's father in that car. He sent his son to get killed in his place; his father was an evil man Bella. I was so mad, I thought that you and Edward were in on it, we knocked him out, and threw you off the train, I have a hard time hurting women Bella, it was the only way."

" The only way." I was pacing back and forth in front of the desk. " And Edward, what did you tell him when he came to?"

" He asked about you of course, I had no clue what happened so I told him you were dead."

I fell down on my knees and cried, he thought I was dead. " Does he still think that?"

" Last that I know of yeah, he puts flowers on your grave every year on the anniversary of your death."

" You faked my death, you have a headstone for me?"

" Sorry, I had to, Edward was determined to find you, I did not want that to happen."

" Why." I was getting more pissed off.

" Because of your safety Bella, his father was a very powerful man who took out people who got in his way, he shot and killed Edward's mother his own wife right in front of Edward because she made friends with one of his enemies wives."

" So you're telling me that because of my safety, Edward has no clue about me."

" Yep pretty much."

" Is that why you threw that fit when I wanted to move to LA because you were afraid I would run into him."

" Yep."

" You know I really want to hate you right now but I can't and what hurts the most is that out of every one in the world I would have thought you would have wanted him to know that I was alive, that I was pregnant. Dad do you realize that you have kept him from knowing his daughter for five years, he has missed so much because you and your got to protect my daughter attitude."

" Bella, I was so grateful that you did not remember anything when you woke up cause that was my greatest fear you hating me and me not getting a chance to know you."

" What were you going to do if and when I did?"

" I took care of that or at least I thought I did, it seems it's only good for 5 years." He whispered probably hoping I would not hear.

" Lovely what so you drugged me with your little forgetful pill huh."

My father just sat there not saying much. " You know what dad, you hurt me, when Edward finds out he will be hurting, but the person you hurt the most is downstairs right now watching a princess movie with Rose. That little girl was denied the chance to have a father in her life, just like my mother denied me of knowing you."

He looked up fresh tears running down his cheeks. I did not want to hurt him but I had one last thing to say.

" If and when I finally see Edward again not only do I have to tell him that I'm alive, and he has a daughter but I have to tell him he will never get the chance to know our son, and I hate you for that." I turned and walked out of the room.

* * *

AN: EPOV is the next chapter, I really hope to get it up and posted this weekend its just sitting there waiting to post

I'm starting CNA school next week and have 10 hour days ahead of me for the week then I have 32 hours of clinicals so sorry if the posts get longer

But my kids are getting expensive as they get older it's time I get back into the workforce, don't worry I will finish this story and She will be loved.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter let me know what you thought.


	6. Chapter 5 my love lost

A/N:

Note so here is chapter 5 EPOV, hope you enjoy, I was trying to get this posted before I go on vacation, I'll be gone for a week, I will have no internet or phone it's going to suck but time with my family water skiing, boating and hiking will make up for it, barley J/k

this chapter is the same day that Bella went in for her broken hand.

* * *

EPOV

I looked out at the vast ocean before me as I stood out on the balcony of the blonde's condo that I had picked up on my run earlier. The wind was blowing the cool breeze off the water; I could hear the seagulls squawking down by the pier picking up the crumbs of the left over hot bug buns dropped by the crazy people who decided to hit the beach in the middle of December. The clouds were turning that shade of pink that let you know another day had come and gone, another day without the one thing I wanted most in my life, the one thing I will never have again. Nope she was long gone. Oh Bella my love I am so sorry.

" Edward, who are you talking too."

Crap did I say that out loud, I felt hands, not the hands I really wanted wrap around my waist.

" Nobody, just watching the sun set." I tried to lie; I was never good at it though.

" Oh well your cell phone was ringing, I think it went to voicemail." She released her hands and went back inside.

" Thanks Julie." I said as I walked back to the end of the bed to retrieve my phone out of the pocket of my basketball shorts." Slipping them on and checking my phone.

" It's Jennifer." She slammed the bathroom door closed.

Well at least I won't have to worry about her wanting something more than I can give her, nope I Edward Cullen did not do relationships. Relationships along with my heart were left on that God damn train, the train that took my angel away from me, I have no one to blame for her leaving her earthly state but myself, I led her into the lions den, knowing full well what could happen. She was so young and taken to early, and she was without a doubt the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on, and when we touched a jolt of electricity ran all over my body making it come alive, I have never felt that with anyone else ever.

I walked back out onto the balcony and listened to my voicemail, it was Emmett.

Hey douchebag why are you not answering your phone, you better not be banging some chic bro's before hoe's man do you ever listen to any thing I ever say, anyway I'm about to board the plane you still coming to pick me up? Talk to ya in a few hours later Bro.

God he's so annoying sometimes but I love him, we might not be blood brothers but I would do anything for him, When I was placed with the Cullen's I went through a rough time, I was 21 and for the first time in a long time I had responsibilities. Carlisle and Esme made sure we kept our rooms clean, we had to help around the house doing various chores, I rebelled hard and Emmett put me in my place every-time. Although he is only a year older than I am, I looked up to him; he had respect for his parents something that I never had.

Why would I respect the man that took my mothers life right in-front of me at the age of 16 pulled me out of her pool of blood on the floor and tossed me in a car and drove off telling me to man up. No I could not respect the man, he killed my innocence of youth and threw me into the world of crime, drugs, sex and booze, and he took everything away from me. He lead the life of play hard or go home what a great example.

I slammed my fist down on the railing, why am I letting him still rule my life, why can't I be the man that Carlisle and Esme want me to be, why? I ran my fingers through my hair. Why can't I break these chains, please god if your listening show me a sign anything that my angel is looking down on me, I know I don't deserve it but please help me, please guide me.

I quietly slipped back inside, I could hear the shower running, I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen off her desk and wrote her a note thanking her for the good time, and slipped out the door. Yeah jackass that's the way to get God to help you, you treat women like garbage Cullen it's time you stop. I hopped in my sliver Ferrari convertible and pulled out of the parking lot, I drove home to my house in Beverly hills that I shared with my little sister Alice, I needed to get the Jeep, who knows how much luggage the big oaf was bringing with him.

I slipped inside, throwing my keys on the Island in the kitchen. I grabbed a cupcake off the plate on the counter and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. I plopped down of the bar stool and bit into the red velvet cupcake, god I love my little sis, she knows the way into a mans heart is with food.

" Long run, or did you do any running at all." My sister's pixie voice came from the doorway; she was leaning up against the wall.

" Um." I took a swig of my beer.

" Thought so, those cupcakes were a welcome home present for Emmett, she put the glass topper on the plate."

" Sorry, can't help it, I love your Baking skills." I popped the last of the cupcake in my mouth.

" Yeah don't try and butter me up, you know how I feel about your manwhore ways, it's time you grow up Edward." She wiped up my crumbs and walked out of the kitchen. " Oh don't forget to pick Emmett up." She yelled from the hallway.

" On it just stopped by to grab the jeep." I caught up to her and gave her a kiss on the top of her head.

" Since I'm here you want to come with me, there should be plenty of room, I know you have missed him, and a little peeved that he asked me to pick him up instead of you."

" I'm not mad." She crossed her hands over her chest.

" uhmmm, whatever Tink." She slapped me on my arm.

" Ok fine I'm mad, yes I would love to come with you, we can have a long chat on the way." She giggled and skipped up the stairs.

Great why did I have to open my big fat mouth? " Yippee." I ran downstairs and changed into some black jeans and a grey V-neck T-shirt. I grabbed my black motorcycle jacket off the chair by my bed and headed back downstairs; Alice was waiting for me in the jeep. We headed out for the thirty- minute drive to LAX depending on traffic it could take an hour.

I barley hit the 405 and the interrogation began. " Edward when are you going to settle down and find the one." Alice and her meddling ways she's never going to give this up.

" Alice please, you know I don't want to discuss this."

" God Edward it's been five years she's gone you need to move on." She turned her head away from the window and looked at me

" Alice please you know I can't talk to you about this." I warned, she knew not to go there and yet here she was pushing me, always pushing me.

"Edward stop with the I can't tell you cause they told me if I say anything they will kill the person that I told shit cause it's getting old plus dad knows and he is still walking around alive."

" Alice you have no clue what these people are capable of, Charles Swan is a very dangerous man plus he hates my guts for ruining his little covert operation, you should have seen the fury in his eyes when he was interrogating me Alice, I've never seen such hatred. And dad knows because I broke down and told him, I had been such a shit of a son and he deserved to know why, I can't help that you were eavesdropping and missed half the conversation."

" So does dad know everything?"

" Dad knows most of the details, he was told most of it before I came to live with you guys, but they never told him about her, so I did."

" Edward do you want to talk about her, it might help you know get it off your chest."

" God Alice seriously." I slammed my hand down on the steering wheel. " I'm not ready to let her go, and I'm afraid if I talk about her that's what will happen so just let it go."

" Edward, I get that something was taken away from you, but was she really yours to begin with, I mean you what only knew her like a day, did you really know her enough to say you loved her." She's starting to really piss me off, why did I have to invite her on this ride.

" Yes." I tried to keep my voice calm; she had no clue how I felt about her. "I know you don't understand Alice and I am not asking you too. But I killed her do you not get that, it was all my fault I should have just let her be, but no I had to have her and in turn she is dead because I am a selfish bastard." I gripped the steering wheel harder.

" Edward, you need to stop being so emo, just talk to me I might just understand more than you think, tell me what she was like."

" She was perfect Alice perfect."

" What was her name?"

" Not going there Alice, no one knows her name and it's going to stay that way, it hurts to much to even think it."

" So dad does not even know her name, wow and here I thought you were holding out of your favorite sister."

" Um hate to point it out to you Alice but you're my only sister, and no dad does not know all he knows is that I fell in love with her and she then was tragically killed because I failed her. Dad knows that I visit her grave every year around this time, he came with me last week but stayed in the car."

" So that's where you two ran off to, mom said dad took you with him to a meeting in Seattle for some father son bonding time, so she's buried in Seattle?"

" I know what you are thinking and no she's not buried in Seattle, she's buried in Forks, a little town outside of Seattle and if you think for one second about making a trip I will kick your little pixie ass."

" What you think I would do something like that." She tried to play coy but she was not fooling me it is something she would do. " Well I think that's very sweet of you Edward, why Forks I thought she was from Chicago?"

" They told me her mom was born there so that's where they decided to bury her I guess I don't know really know the real reason, I'm glad she at least has a resting place."

" Who her family decided to bury her there?"

" No Alice she had no family the FBI or whatever they are buried her." I really need to shut up, Alice had this smile on her face like she knew she was getting me to open up."

" She was alone, oh that's sad, what happened to her family?"

" Alice, really can't you just let this go." I pleaded with her.

"Tell me Edward, how did that feel just talking about the little stuff? You don't have to give me all the details I just want to know about the women that has your heart Edward, I want to understand why you can't fall in love." She placed her hand on my thigh, her bright blue eyes shinning back at me.

I did feel good getting that little bit off my chest, I did feel a little lighter. I took a deep breath was I ready to share what happened " Alice her mother died of cancer 2 weeks before we met, my angel gave up going to college to take care of her dying mother, she told me that college could wait but her mother could not."

" So why was she on the train? Where was she going?" Alice asked, her hand was still on my thigh.

I closed my eyes. " To fulfill her mothers dying wish. She wanted her ashes spread under the Golden Gate Bridge, and they had always wanted to take a train ride together, she said her mother like adventure. She never got to fulfill that wish, someone so pure and selfless who gave up going to an Ivy League college to take care of her dying mother died because of me Alice." Tears were streaming down my face.

" I'm sorry you lost her Edward she sounds like an amazing women, so you really loved her?"

" Yes I know it's hard to believe that I fell in love in a day but I did, I fell in love with the most beautiful and amazing women and as quick as she came into my life she was gone."

" Hey Edward you'll find that love once again and when you do it will take you by surprise."

" Alice I am not capable of falling in love I gave my heart away and it's buried 6 feet under the ground in Forks with my brown eyed angel." I shook my head damn her getting me to open up.

" So brown eyes huh, no wonder you only hook up with girls with blue or green eyes, let me guess her hair was brown right cause I only see you with blondes?"

" Alice you are skating on thin ice right now." I warned.

" So I'm right, does not matter Edward I have this strange feeling your heart will find its way home and when it does it will take you by surprise, I just want you to be happy."

' I am happy!" who was I kidding I have not been happy the last 5 years I was just going through the emotions, trying to be a good son and brother.

" Edward be serious you ride dirt bike for a living you live on the road for weeks at time, you sleep around, the only real relationship you have is with us, the longest relationship you had lasted 2 months Edward and still I think that was just fuck buddies. I just want to see a genuine smile on your face."

I pulled into Lax and parked at the curb. I turned the engine off and turned in my seat facing Alice. " Listen I just can not let her go ok, so lets just end this conversation the last thing I need right now is Emmett on my case too, it's bad enough with you." I joked; I loved my sister, I was so grateful to really be part of a family that was taken away from me when my father shot my mother in the head right in front of me. He pulled me out of her pool of blood and threw me in the car I was 13.

" You know you love me the most."

" Whatever Alice, Oh look there's Emmett." I pointed out the window, we both jumped out of the car; of course Alice bounded over to him squealing the whole way. And jumped up into his arms.

" Alice tone that shit down girl, I think you gave everyone in a two mile radius a heart attack, jeez girl." Emmett patted me on the back. " Hey Bro. Long time no see, glad you got my message, was worried you were getting down and dirty and forgot about me."

" No way man glad to have you back home, sure mom and dad are both over the moon the prodigal son has returned. Especially dad since you are joining him at the hospital, he always wanted me to become a doctor too but I found other things better to do with my time."

" Yeah like women." Emmett and Alice laughed.

" Shut up asshole that's not what I meant, and you know it." I grabbed his bag and flung it in the back and walked around to the driver's side, Alice crawled in back and we were off. The ride back home was mainly filled with Alice and Emmetts chatter about Aspen, I tried to tune them out as I drove back to Beverly Hills back to our home the rents bought for us.

" So what are your plans for the next few weeks." I asked Emmett as I helped him with his bag.

" Not much vege I guess I don't start work till after the holidays so I have sometime to get back aquatinted with LA." He winked at me.

" Oh you want me to hook you up with some girls."

" No thank you, no offense but your choice in women sucks donkeyballs Bro." He laughed.

" So this is the homestead huh, man our parents rock." Emmett looked around the front of the house. " So what room is mine."

"Um there are five rooms so you get to pick one, I have decorated them all differently, but I have a feeling what one you will pick." Alice was bouncing up and down like a kid in a candy store.

" My sis the interior designer." Emmett ruffled her hair. " Okay let's do this shit." He grabbed his bags out of the back and we walked in the house.

" Snazzy, Alice this place looks fantastic." He dropped his bags in the foyer. "So who's up and who's down he was looking at the stairwells."

" Alice is upstairs there are five bedrooms up there and 2 downstairs where my room is." I said. I hope he picks one upstairs not that I ever bring girls home but it's been nice with Alice upstairs.

" Let's check out the basement, think I might want to be down there, you know guys together, girls need their space."

" Emmett every room has their own bathroom so no need to worry about me and my space trust me there is plenty here, even when dad crashes here when he's on call."

" Great dad crashes here, I thought the whole purpose of buying this home was to get us out of the house so they could be alone."

" Um I think that was one reason but mom hates that he has to sleep at the hospital when he's on call so they bought this so he had a place to crash on those nights so it kills to birds Emmett." I said I remember walking in on that conversation, I told them when they wanted to sell it I would buy it from them, it sealed the deal for them, I lost everything when I turned my dad in, my inheritance went to the FBI. My dad was a dirty lawyer. Being a motocross rider does have it's perks, my paychecks are pretty hefty, but its contingent if I win or not, which is usually every race.

" So where are the parents?" Emmett questioned as we walked down the stairs.

" I think they are bringing pizza, they should be here soon." I led him to the other room down here, down the hall away from my room.

" Want to take me on later." Emmett pointed tot he pool table.

" Game on Bro, get ready to have your ass handed to you." I opened the door to his room. He walked in and threw his stuff on the bed.

" Yeah this will do, so Eddy man hope the girls you bring home are quiet don't think I want to hear that shit." He chuckled.

" Well then you should have picked a room upstairs, then." I joked. " Nah man I don't bring them home, don't want pixie on my case the next morning."

" Yeah, so when are you going to finally get your shit together and fall in love Bro." He slapped my back and we headed back upstairs. We walked into the kitchen Alice had a beer out and ready for us, have I mentioned how much I love my sister.

" When you do man." I took a swig of the beer.

" When he does what? Alice asked.

" I asked Edward when he was finally going to get his head out of his ass and fall in love." Emmett took a swig of his beer.

" When hell freezes over is when he will fall in love." My Mothers sweet melodic voice rang from the doorway.

" Love you too mom." I sat my beer bottle down to help her with the pizzas.

" What it's true." She gave me a hug then made her way over to Emmett. " So glad to have you home son."

Emmett picked her off the ground in a big bear hug.

" It's good to be home finally, so where's dad?"

" He's on his way he got stuck in surgery so he told me to meet him here, it's so good to have all my kids under one roof." She grabbed all of us in a group hug.

" Can we eat please I'm starving I came off a very hard shift and went right to the airport, and you all know how sick I get when I fly so I could not eat anything."

We all laughed yes we all learned the hard way that Emmett should not eat right before he fly's, I had to sit next to him during a 7 hour flight he threw up the whole way, never again.

" Let's eat, I'm starving too." My Fathers voice came from the same doorway my mother just stood in. Emmett walked over to dad and hugged him.

" Good to have you home son."

" Glad to be home."

We grabbed our slices of pizza and headed to the dinning room, Alice brought us drinks, the guy's beers and of course mom and Alice had to have wine.

" So Emm tells us about Aspen, did you meet any girls?"

Mom was already starting her interrogation, her and Alice make quite the team good thing it was directed towards Emmett and not me.

" You mean any girls that I wanted to have a relationship with?"

" Sure, I mean you were there for a year, there had to be some cute nurses right."

" No mom no cute nurses, but I think I have fallen in love."

" Oh really please tell us, please." Alice once again was bouncing in her seat.

" Well today I was thirty minute from the end of my shift, a patient had come in with a broken hand."

" Oh this is good." Alice piped up. Taking a huge bite of her pizza.

" Anyway so I walked into the room and there she was, she was like this goddess, long blonde flowy hair, blue eyes, super model body, I was hit with this sensation that she was mine, I felt very protective of her, it was weird." I knew the feeling, wish she were still here, wish she were still mine. I ate my pizza and listened to the conversation.

" So how did she break her hand?" My mom asked.

" Oh she wasn't the patient her friend was."

" Well so did you leave her in Aspen, are you going to do the long distance thing?" My father asked

" Actually she lives here in LA, they were just vacationing there I guess, she asked for my number and said she will call me when she gets back into town."

" Did you get hers?" I asked.

" No." he pouted.

" You know what that means, she is not interested, she won't call, she was probably just trying to make you feel good." I smirked and took a bite of my pizza; he was so much fun to tease.

" Shut up Edward, so what's her name?" Alice asked.

" Um Rosalie Hale." Emmett got this huge grin on his face.

" No way the Rosalie Hale who owns Volturi magazine."

" I don't know, maybe we really did not get to discuss much, her friend passed out so I had to take care of my patient."

" I think they are the same." Alice got up from the table and disappeared down the hall, coming back to the table with a girly magazine. " See" she handed it to Emmett.

" Yeah that's her." He was grinning.

" Let me see." I grabbed the magazine, he was right she did look like a super model.

" She's mine dude got that off limits." He grabbed the magazine back.

" Yeah if she ever calls you back." I laughed.

" Edward stop being mean, I thinks it's nice he found someone he cares about." My mom said.

" So how did her friend break her hand?" Alice asked.

" Alice you know he can't disclose that information, patient confidentiality." My by the book Father said from the end of the table.

" You guys are no fun." Alice pouted.

" I'm pretty sure Bella's bodyguard would have my balls."

I did not hear the rest of the conversation after the Bella part. I was in a fog, he did not just say her name. A read haze was clouding me eyesight, my hands moved to my beer bottle, I heard glass shattering, and next thing I knew I was out on the balcony.

I have no clue how long I was standing there starring out into the black night sky. I just stood there not moving, tonight was a clear night you could see all the stars in the sky, "I know you are looking down on me love, how do they expect me to go on when just hearing your name sets me off, I can't let you go"

" So her name was Bella." I hissed did I really just say that out loud. My sister's tiny arms wrapped around my waist." It's okay Edward, no one is mad at you just come back inside, come on." she tried to pull me out of my spot. " Edward do you think?"

I knew where she was going with this" No!" I yelled. "Alice she's dead."

* * *

A/N: so what did you think, more about Edward will be revealed later on in the story, maybe when he and Bella meet up

I have pics of Edward's house on my profile, along with other pics from this story

I also have a playlist there of songs that go with this story, will be adding more as the story progresses


	7. Chapter 6 Talks, Tatts and phone calls

A/N: sorry it ahs taken me so long to post this RL sucks sometimes, this chapter is kinda a filter chapter hope you enjoy it

Oh and yeah I don't own Twilight wish I did I would have more time to write and not have to worry about being a working mom.

* * *

I stormed into my room and curled up in a ball on the chaise next to the bed under a throw blanket and sobbed. I don't know how long I laid there but it must have been a while the edges of the throw were soaked with my tears. How could my own father have done this to me? He drugged me so I would not remember what happened, only to cover his own ass what a selfish bastard. I felt like punching somebody, where's Jacob when you need him. Of all the people in the world one would have thought that my father would not have kept Harper's father from knowing about her.

I wiped my nose on the edge of the blanket yes I know gross but what's a girl to do I'll just have to give it to Sue to wash up, I'll blame Harper. It's great having kids you can blame them for things. The light from the fireplace was dancing off the walls. It was dark outside and the snow had started to fall once again. I'm starting to hate this place, I want to be back in sunny warm LA, but then again if I was back in LA I would have to find Edward and I don't know if I am ready to go down that road yet. Oh Edward I'm sorry. I cried harder, seriously this is so fucked up. A knock on the door stopped my wallowing.

" Sorry, she fell asleep." Rose's voice from the bedroom doorway startled me. Guess I forgot to shut the door in my haste to get away from everything.

" No it's ok, here I'll take her to her room and tuck her in." I set the blanket off to the side and stood up.

" It's fine I'll carry her, you just tuck her in, she asked for you right before she fell asleep I told her you and Charlie were working on something." Rose and I walked down the hall to her room, I flipped on the lamp by her bed, and pulled down the pink duvet and Rose slipped her under the covers.

I pulled them up and over her shoulders, I brushed the hair off her face and leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. " My beautiful angel, mommy loves you sweet dreams my baby girl." I got up off the bed and flipped off the light.

I walked back down the hall Rose was laying on my bed with my laptop in her lap. "What do you think you are doing." I leaned against the doorframe.

She snapped her head up. " Sorry my battery died on mine."

" Bullshit Rose, what are you trying to do?"

" Bella come on, can you honestly tell me you not a little bit curious about him?"

" Of course I am, but I don't know if I am ready yet to go down that road, you heard his brother he's some kind of womanizer."

" Bella what are you afraid of?"

"Nothing." I lied, of course I was afraid.

"Bullshit Bella, no offense but you suck at lying." She typed his name in the goggle search bar and I closed my eyes was I ready to trudge down this ugly road, did I want to know all the things about him that were on the world wide web, I know how things are twisted around in the media.

"What do you want me to say Rose, that I'm scared out of my mind that if I do decide to find him and tell him about Harper and Lucas that he will hate me. Or that I am freaked out of my mind that he will resent me and try and take her away. What if tell her that I have found her father and they meet only to have him walk away, should I just take that chance."

" Yes." I raised my eyebrows at her really my best friend; the only friend I have wasn't on my side. " He can't just take her away Bella, I understand the fear but he deserves to know about them if he walks away he will be the one to lose out not you or Harper?"

" Really the only thing she asked Santa for this year besides a snowboard was her father, it kills me that my daughter will be sorely disappointed this year when her father is not under that massive tree in the living room."

" Well it doesn't have to be that way she can have her father under that tree if you would grow a pair and call him, I have Emmett's number, we could call them tonight." She grabbed her cell phone.

" No, I'm not ready yet."

" Why Bella what do you have to loose, he either man ups and comes to Aspen or he stays in LA." She waved her phone at me.

" I'll think about it."

" God you are so stubborn." She threw her phone on the bed and went back to looking up Edward. " Are you afraid he's going to blame you?"

" What kind of question is that, off course he's going to blame me, it is my fault." tears welled up in my eyes and I got up off the bed and slammed the bathroom door shut. I slid down on the floor and cried. I was sick of hearing people tell me it was not my fault, It was my job to keep Lucas safe in there until my due date to give him the best chance of survival and I failed him.

Rose knocked on the door. " Bella, please open the door, come on you know deep down in your heart it was not your fault sweetie it was gods will."

I unlocked the door and walked out wiping the tears from my eyes." Rose tell me if it was you, how do you think you would feel."

Rose sat down on the bed next to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulder. " I cant even begin to think what that day was like for you, I remember Jasper called me that day and was a mess, it pulled on my heartstrings and I knew right then I needed to come out and meet you."

" It was hell Rose, I felt so helpless sitting there all drugged up from the cesarean holding on to Harper's tiny fingers waiting to hear any news about his surgery. Then when they brought him to his little room in the PICU and all those wires were coming out of his body I felt like ripping all of them out and just taking him home. I was in such a daze starring down at the bandage covering his chest that I missed everything the nurse was saying, your brother had to explain later what each machine was doing to keep him alive." I took a deep breath the memories kill me

" I remember sitting in the recliner in his room listening to the machines beeping for hours just starring into space and pleading with God to save my little boy. Jasper and I took turns when I was with Lucas he was with Harper when I was with Harper he was with Lucas." I had to pause; I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It should have been Edward not Jasper.

"I remember the night he got very sick a nurse shook me awake and told me that he spiked a fever of 105.6, they started pumping antibiotics into his IV, and then my world changed my little guy started shaking he had a full blown seizure and all I could do was stand there they would not let me touch him, they would not let me hold him Rose, my little 2 pound baby boy needed me and I could do nothing."

I remember they would not let me hold him at first and then after hours of pleading and begging and telling them he was not going to make it they put him in my arms where he passed away minuets later. I hate crying, I have that ugly cry you know where snot runs down your face and god awful noises leave your body, yeah that's me.

" Hey shhh." Rose hugged me tighter. " You know how brave you are, you brought two little champions into the world all by yourself." I shrugged out of her embrace.

" That's fucked up it did not have to be that way Rose, Edward should have been there. He should have seen his kids come into the world, he should have been there when they took Lucas into surgery and he should have been there when they handed him to me to hold for first and the last time. He should have been there when Harper wrapped her tiny fingers around mine he should have been there when I brought her home, he should have been there when she first smiled, and when she laughed, when she rolled over and crawled. He should have been there when she said her first words and when she walked, for her first tooth, for her first birthday."

" Yeah it is fucked up but Bella, how do you know he would have stayed for all of that, just embrace what it is and move on, find him and if he wants to let him be there now."

" You act like I am some martyr and wont let him be a father, I plan on letting him its just scary to jump feet first into the deep end." I got off the bed and walked over to the door.

" Where are you going, we never looked at those pictures." She waived her hand at the laptop on the bed.

" I'm going to go give my father a piece of his mind." I retched the door open, standing there with his hand up like he was about to knock was my father. His head was hung low.

" What do you want?" I spit out and folded my arms across my chest.

" I um wanted to give you this, you might need it." He handed me a manila envelope. I grabbed it and went to close the door, but he stopped me.

" I know you hate me right now and I don't blame you, but I thought I was keeping you safe, I could see now that was the wrong thing to do, I hope in time you can forgive me. I left Harper's presents in my room, I love you Bella, bye." He kissed the top of my head.

He turned on his heel and walked down the hall, I gritted my teeth as much as I want to hate him I can't have him leave for an assignment like this. " Dad wait." I ran down the hall and hugged him. " I love you, be safe, it's going to take time but I don't want you out in the Amazon thinking I hate you, you're all I have left."

" Thank you Bella you forgive to easily, I don't deserve to have you as my daughter. I'm not the only person you have left you have Edward find him. You're right he deserves to have his daughter in his life and it was wrong of me to even think he was the bad guy, I should never have faulted him for his father's mistakes. Promise me when you get back to LA you'll call him." All I could do was nod. He let go of me and headed down the hall.

I stood there starring at the envelope in my hand, my little girl has a father that I barley even remember. What's his family going to think of me, I bet they would think I'm a whore who just opened up her legs to the first guy she meets and gets pregnant then keeps it from him for 5 years.

I plopped down on the bed next to Rose and sighed.

" Whats that?" Rose asked as she pointed what was in my hand

" Something my dad said I might need, I don't know."

" You forgave him didn't ya."

" Yes and no, I don't want him out there thinking I hate him he'll do something stupid, but I'm still mad at him."

" I would be too, open it up let's see what's inside, but before you do take a look at this, damn your man is hot." She turned the laptop towards me.

There he was sitting on his bike; it was a black and white photo he had on all his gear minus a shirt and his helmet, hot fucking damn. I clinched my thighs together " Holy shit."

" Yeah um why did you not tell me he was tatted up, you know how I feel about that."

" I think those are new, I don't remember him having those on the train." I took another look, on his left shoulder was a huge massive dragon, it went all the way up his arm the mouth of the dragon laid across his massive left pec, I ran my fingers over my left side.

" I know what your thinking, and I am pretty sure he would think its hot Bella."

" Well if he doesn't I'll blame you, you're the one that talked me into both of these." I pointed to both the tattoo's on my body, when Harper turned 3 Rose talked me into getting tattoo's to celebrate both Harper's and Lucas's lives. On my left breast is a purple butterfly symbolizing Harper's flight from a little caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly under the butterfly is her name, and on my hip bone is a bleeding heart in memory of my little guys fight with half a heart. His name is written right below with his date of birth and the day he left this life to his new home in the sky.

" Do you think Dr. MCcreamy has any?" Rose asked, I freaking snorted.

"MCcreamy?"

" Yeah he made me cream myself when he walked in." I busted up laughing, one thing about Rose she has no filter and I love that about her.

" TMI Rose, I could have done without that visual in my head." Jasper said from the doorway. I just giggled the look on his face was one of disgust.

" It's true." Rose just shrugged her shoulders.

" Bella when you and my sister are done drooling over your men will you please come to the office we need to discuss some things." I narrowed my eyes at him.

" Darling I can see the picture on the laptop, just come to my office some things have changed and I need to run some things by you."

" Seriously how embarrassing." I said as I shut my laptop.

Rose's phone started ringing. " Oh my god."

" What." I asked

" It's him, Bella."

" Him, you mean Dr. Mccreamy." She nodded, shit. " Well are you going to answer it."

" Yeah but I have no clue how he got my number I never gave it to him."

" Rose, I'll leave." I got up off the bed.

" Sit your ass down, we are doing this now, I'll be here to hold your hand, give you some support."

She set the phone down on the bed and hit the button to answer it. " Hi."

" Was beginning to think that you didn't want to talk to me." Emmett's voice came over the phone. Did a grown man just whine about someone not answering the phone on the first ring? Rose just giggled. She's got it bad, I rolled my eyes at her and rolled over to stare at the ceiling, this is going to be one long conversation.

" Sorry, I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed how did you get my number." I had to put a hand over my mouth to keep from busting up laughing.

" Some good detective work, oh and you might want to fire your secretary she gave up all the goods on you."

Rose hissed, come the 1st Victoria ass will be grass. " Nice well since you have all my info, how was your flight."

" Good, the weather is great back here in LA, forgot how nice it is to be able to wear short sleeves in the middle of winter, speaking of LA when are you coming back I want to see you. And don't worry she only gave me your cell number"

Awe how cute he wants to see her, I'm so glad, maybe she has found somebody that will be good for her, her last boyfriend Royce was a jackass and had no respect for her at all. I was so glad when she threw his mooching ass out on the street.

" I'm pretty sure you used your great charm to woo the girl."

" It worked on you didn't it."

It sure did work Rosalie Hale was lying on my bed blushing.

" Um yeah it worked on me so what."

He just chuckled.

" So when do you get back."

" Well we get back on the 1st but I have to turn around and fly right back out to NY, I have some meetings so technically I get back around the 5th, we can meet up that weekend sometime, do you have work?"

" Nope don't officially start until the 14th, this might sound like such a lame date but my brother is racing in his first race of the year in Anaheim at Angels stadium on the 7th would you like to come."

Rose looked at me, I mouthed say yes. " Sure."

" I know it's lame, we don't have to go."

" No, its not lame, its just would you care if I brought a friend and my brother, we've been thinking about going to one of these for a long time, I know they would be really excited to be able to go." God she lies as bad as I do.

" It's fine how many tickets will you need, I guess we'll just meet up there, I'll leave them in will call for you."

" Um." She paused " four tickets should be enough."

What the hell, I mouthed to her no I shook my head, I am not taking Harper without Edward meeting her first, there will be way to many lurking eyes and ears there. She just smirked at me.

" Great we all sit as a family and watch him, so you can meet my mom and dad and sister Alice, she's great you'll love her, she's a little spunky though just a heads up."

" Sounds great, looking forward to meeting them all, so how was your family dinner."

" Um fine until my idiot brother threw something at the wall and stormed out."

" What, he sounds like a winner." Rose winked at me; she was fishing for information.

" He's a pretty decent guy, just been through a lot, think he lost a girl or something like that he likes to take it out on the world sometimes. Ouch fuck man what was that for."

" Huh."

" Sorry the jackass just threw a tennis ball at my head."

" You okay." Rose laughed.

" I would be if you here to kiss it better."

" Sorry cant help you there, I'll let you get back to your game so no more balls are thrown at you, I'll see you on the 7th."

" He can wait, I want to talk more."

" Really I have to go I have a ton of work I have to catch up on, call me tomorrow night, going snowboarding with my niece in the morning so I need to get some sleep."

" Wait you have a niece?"

Oh shit Rose why did you have to go there " Yeah my older brother Riley has 2 kids." She mouthed sorry. So it was not a complete lie he does have 2 kids but they're boys not girls.

" I guess we did not talk much can't wait to get to know you more maybe meet your family, you know since you are going to meet mine in a week and a half."

" Well you already met my twin brother Jasper."

" Oh that's right, um your friends bodyguard right."

" Yeah, that's the one."

" Mommy." We both gasped. Harper was standing in the doorway rubbing her eyes and holding her little white rabbit she always slept with.

" I really need to go I'm babysitting her tonight my bother and sister in law needed a night out, she must have had a bad dream or something."

" She sounds sweet, I'll let you go, sweet dreams tonight, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

" Looking forward to it, bye Emmett."

She hung up the phone.

" Come here baby girl." She climbed into my bed and snuggled in for the rest of the night."

" We'll talk tomorrow." Rose got up off the bed and walked out. She stopped at the doorway, you want me to tell Jasper to come back here since you can't leave now."

" Yes thanks."

She left the room, I grabbed the envelope Charlie gave me and opened it up, slipping the contents out and started reading, the first paper was a paternity test, it said that Edward was 99.99% sure to be the father of both Harper and Lucas. I smiled just knowing that they did indeed have a father. The next piece was a deed to the house in Maui and along with that was a short letter from Charlie

_To my dearest and only daughter,_

_I am giving you the house in Maui, if you need a place to run off to if things don't work out between you and Edward, I've been wanting to give it to you for a while just thought now was a good time_

_Love your Pops_

I shook my head, yeah Charlie trying to buy back my love, there was a set of keys still left in the envelope, must be for the house, well at least I have a place to go if thing do turn sour.

I grabbed my laptop and looked at the picture of Edward one more time, he was too beautiful I would never be enough for him.

" Whatever you're thinking it's not true." Jasper whispered from the doorway.

I just shook my head and closed the laptop setting it down on the nightstand " So what's changed."

He sat down on the chaise by the bed. " Well after the little stunt Jacob pulled Charlie was about to fire him, I convinced him to take him with him and leave Sam here with us, it took a lot of convincing and maybe a right hook to his face but he agreed its for the best."

" You What." I whispered yelled.

" Shh you'll wake her up, my right hook is very convincing he deserved it after what he did to you."

" I know but Jasper, you could have lost your job, I need you."

" I know that and so does Charlie that's why he agreed to take Jacob with him."

" That's Good I guess."

" You guess, that's all you got to say no thanks or anything just I guess."

" Thank you I can't believe you hit Charlie."

" I know either could he at first I think he wanted to take a swing back but he dropped his hands and said I guess I deserve that, and you are welcome now get some sleep, big days are ahead for you."

" God Rosalie and her big mouth."

" She does have a big mouth, but hey chin up Bells I think all will be fine." He got up and walked out of the room.

I popped a pain pill, my hand was killing, turned of the bedside lamp and slipped under the covers kissing my angel on the head.

" I want a daddy." She mumbled.

" Soon baby girl soon." Maybe too soon.

* * *

OK quick poll how many of you want Edward to come to Aspen and how many think they will meet up at the race

hope you Enjoyed it

Almost forgot, wait I did forget I dont have first hand experience with having a child with a CHD but I have been in a few of the rooms first one was right after my cousins boy came out of surgery at 3 days old his first open heart surgery, he was born with HLHS hypoplastic left heart syndrome. he was born with half a heart, he has since had another sugery his second and waiting for his third he is a thriving 2 year old full of life, I used what I felt that night.

on my profile is a link to a video some of the kids in this video I know: my cousins little boy is one of them


	8. Chapter 7 Decisions

AN: Sorry its been so long I quit my job and then the holidays took over my house it was crazyville hoping to have another chapter posted this week since its written just needs to be typed up

Once again I do not own any of these Characters they belong to Stephenie but this plot and Motorcrossward belong to me

* * *

**Chapter 7 Decisions**

I woke up to the bright light of the morning sun shinning through window, amazingly I slept soundly no nightmares or dreams. I kissed my little sweet angel and got out of bed, I walked over to the window. Fresh fallen blankets of white powder were covering the vast mountain landscape, looks like it's going to be a perfect day for snowboarding today. I quietly slipped into the bathroom; I grabbed the brush off the counter and began to untangle the rat's nest that had formed during the night.

I walked into the walk in closet and slipped on some gray sweats and my winter socks then headed downstairs, I walked into the kitchen wanting to make some coffee.

" Morning." I jumped Sue was standing at the island mixing up some batter in a bowl, her back to me

" Coffee." She asked.

" You scared the living daylights out of me." I was holding my chest. " And yes please, did not think anyone else would be up." I looked at the clock on the wall the black hand's pointing to the 12 and 7 damn why and I up at seven on vacation.

" Sweetie the older we get the less sleep we need. Did you sleep well after all the excitement from last night?" She poured the black liquid into a mug and added just the right amount of sugar and creamer. She placed it on the island and motioned for me to sit.

I plodded down on one of the stools and pulled my legs up underneath me. I took a sip, I swear the lady knows how to do just about anything. " Thank you. It's perfect I don't know how you do it but everything you make is just amazing."

" Years of experience, my mother was a very good cook she taught me everything I needed to know."

Tears sprung to my eyes, how much I missed my dear mother, the women could not even get water to boil. I remember the time she stood over the stove just waiting for bubbles to come up to the surface the look of concentration on her face was priceless, I let out a giggle.

" That sound is lovely, after last night I thought we were going to have an all out brawl going on, I love seeing you laugh." Sue kept her eyes on the stainless steel bowl in front of her.

I smiled at her sheepishly as her eyes locked on mine. " Just remembering my mom trying to boil water, she was an awful cook." Sue let out a little giggle. " Sorry about ruining your dinner, it smelled divine."

"Pfft, we will just enjoy it tonight, what happened needed to happen girl. I know you might not want to hear this but your father loves you I hope you know that." I nodded my head.

" I have been trying to get him to break down and tell you the story for years that man is as stubborn as a mule, the apple does not fall very far from the tree in this family." Sue walked over to the fridge and grabbed out a package of bacon.

" Close your mouth Bella." I just stood there gapping at her, what does she mean by that? How long has she known?

" Since the day he found you in the ICU Bella." Sue said answering my question.

" I have never told you this but your father and I go way back, we kind of grew up together, my mother worked for your Grandfather and sometimes she would bring me to work with her. Your father and I got into a lot of trouble when I would come over, we made mud pies on the front steps one time and left them there. Your grandfather came home one time from work and did not see them he stepped right in the middle of them muddying up his polished black shoes I think Charlie had to polish every one of his dress shoes in the closet."

We both started laughing. " When your father met your mother I was devastated, I felt like I lost my best friend, I saw how much he loved her, and the day she left I was there to pick up the pieces of his broken heart."

" So you and my dad huh." I giggled as I sipped my coffee."

" No sweetie its nothing like that your father was deeply and madly in love with your mother, we have just been each others rock, best friends, helped each other through tuff times."

" I'm sorry." I said, she shook her head.

"You have a lot of decisions to make."

" I know so many things are going through my head right now. I don't really know what to do, should I call him, should I just show up on his doorstep, will he remember me, how mad at me is he going to be, will he want to be a part of our lives, or will he walk away. The hardest thing for me right now trying to remember everything we were in the short time we were together, it was only a day but something here." I pointed to my heart. " Aches like something important is missing, it a different kind of ache from the way I felt after loosing Lucas."

Sue came over and kissed me on the top of my head. " Harper deserves to have her father in her life. I remember seeing Charlie come home from the hospital the day he found out he had a daughter he was livid. I remember hearing him say he was so upset at Renee how dare she leave this world before telling him about you."

She lifted my chin so I could look her in the eye. " Bella, sweetie, you will have clarity soon baby girl, mark my words."

I know never to bet against her, the woman is intuitive. " Do you want some help with breakfast I could use something to do, take my mind off things if you know what I mean."

" Absolutely not you go wake up that beautiful little girl of yours, she has a big day today she needs to have some warm food in her belly." She slapped away my hand and snatched the spatula out of my hands.

I put up my hands in surrender " Okay I'm going." I grabbed my coffee mug off the counter and slipped down the hall and up the stairs, I sunk down on the bed next to my angel, I brushed the curls of bronze off her forehead, her eyes fluttered open.

" Morning mommy."

" Good morning princess, up and Adam we have a big day today."

" Is it Christmas morning." She yawned and stretched her cute little arms over her head.

I could not help but tickle her little tummy, " Nope, sweetie sorry two more sleeps, then it will be Christmas."

She giggled as my fingers made their assault. She rolled off the bed and sauntered over to the doorway, with a yawn she turned to me and said. " I'm glad its not Christmas yet cause then Santa has more time to find my daddy."

I tried to not gasp but failed. Need to do some damage control and fast, she will be heartbroken come Christmas morning. _Not if you grew a pair and called him. _My subconscious barked at me. " Sweetie that's a tall order for Santa don't you think." Tears started forming in her eyes, " shit" I cursed silently in my head, today is suppose to be fun not this heavy

She put her hands on her hip " Nope, he knows when we are sleeping, he knows when we are awake and he knows if we've been bad or good so if he knows all of that he sure knows who made me." She turned on her heel and ran out the door. I stood there gasping like a fish out of water, what the hell. I finally came back to my senses and headed out the door she was just rounding the corner down the hall to her room.

" Harper Grace, stop right there young lady." I finally caught up to her, swooped her up into my arms and set her on her bed, tears we sliding down her cute little cheeks. " Oh my pretty princes, no crying today please I cant take it." I wiped her tears and kissed her little nose, for Christ's sake she was only five and obviously wise way beyond her years, but this was way too much for me to handle right now. Her knowing where babies come from, aren't kids suppose to think they come from storks or something like that, I guess I just assumed if she did not ask I didn't really need to worry about it.

" Can you please tell me what you meant by that sweetie, I'm is not mad at you I just want to understand." I lifted her chin so she could see the sincerity in my eyes."

" I don't know, just Lucy at school said something about how daddy's make babies and how can my daddy just make me then leave." She looked down ashamed at what she said. Think I might have to have a talk with Angela when I get back to LA. Lucy is Harper's best and only real friend.

" Hey princess look at me." She tilted her head up. " I told you that he does not even know about you, he did not just leave you honey." I took a deep breath, Jasper is right she has a right to know and understand what happened, just need to leave out the bad parts.

" Sit back baby and let me tell you a little about what happened, maybe it will help you understand." She climbed up by her pillows grabbing her stuffed animals and clinging to them.

" Remember how I told about Grandma Renee, and how she is in heaven." She nodded her head. " Well I had to travel to San Francisco she wanted her ashes scattered under the bridge there, so mommy took a train to get there cause Grandma always wanted to take one, anyway as I was boarding the train I ran into a very nice man."

She started giggling; I looked at her confused. " Mommy you just turned red, I think you liked this nice man, is this nice man my daddy."

I just nodded. " Can I finish now?" she nodded with a huge goofy grin.

" Anyway as I was saying, I bumped into him and we got talking he was funny and charming, and then there was an accident and mommy bumped her head and the nice man was gone. When I woke up I was in a hospital bed and I did not remember anything that happened." Her eyes got big and she crawled over and patted my head then kissed it.

" Is your booboo gone now mommy."

" Well sweetie I think that kiss just made it feel a lot better." She smiled her toothy grin at me that just made me melt.

" Good, all better, now you can start remembering." She gave me one of her best Harper hugs. How can you argue with a beautiful five-year-old?

" Well baby girl I am starting to slowly remember things, honey and I promise you when I remember it all I will make sure your daddy knows about you." I hugged her and the tears flowed down my cheeks.

" Mommy can I ask you something?"

" Of course sweetie, anything."

" Is my daddy, Edward."

I placed my hand over my mouth, how does she know that.

" I heard you and Aunt Rose talking, I was outside the door, and she was making you look at some pictures of someone named Edward."

" Harper, I um."

" I'm a big girl, please call him, or let aunt Rose do it, if he says no at least we gave him a chance mommy."

She got up off her bed and walked into the bathroom, I gave her a moment or maybe I was giving me a moment to process what she just said.

" She's right you know." I spun on the bed to find Jasper standing against the doorframe. " She is a smart little cookie, Bella make the call, give her the only gift she really wants for Christmas."

" Jasper, what if." He help up his hand to stop me

" Stop with the what ifs, look Rose and I are here, Sue is here you have all of us to back you up if something bad happens and Harper has all her family here. If it ends badly at least she has her family around to help her get through it, it happens on your turf not his."

" Do you think my father left hoping I would call Edward and he would be long gone so he did not need to be around to answer for anything."

" No it's just good timing on his part, he really is on a mission right now sweetie but its really good that he's not here, cause if I was Edward and I had this all dropped on my lap I don't think your father would be standing upright. He'd have some tubes coming out him trying to keep him alive."

" Japser." I gasped.

" What I'm only speaking the truth Bella, come on just think hard about calling him please, Christmas is only two days away you are running out of time, you don't want her questioning Santa do you."

Jasper smirked and then walked out the room, I shook my head that little twerp he knew not to play Harper against me, it's a loosing battle.

I opened the bathroom door and poked my head in. " Hey princess hurry up okay we need to get a move on your lesson is at ten, you need to still eat and we have to drive up to the slopes."

" Okay mommy." Her little head peaked out from the closet. She came out wearing her pink sweats and some wool socks she had her white sweater that Rose picked up in France for her. Seriously had no clue that a five year old could love fashion as much as this girl, the little monster refused to wear anything from Target she said it made her itch. Good thing Rose supplied her with her clothes cause I refuse to pay over 30 dollars on a shirt because in 6 months she will out grow it.

She skipped past me and walked out the door, I followed and made my way down to the kitchen, we sat and ate, the pancakes were amazing, and filling, Rose joined us a few min later with a huge goofy grin on her face.

" I take it someone talked to a very handsome doctor this morning, one that has dimples and curly brown hair." I said, Rose just stuck her tongue out at me.

" Your just jealous, you know if you grew a pair you might just have the same goofy grin on your face."

I picked up an orange from the wicker basket in front of me on the kitchen counter and tried to hit her with it, I suck at throwing things, it missed her and landed with a thump on the hardwood floor, Sue bent down and picked it up, Harper giggled, Jasper tapped Harper on the shoulder and stuck his finger in his mouth making a gagging noise. She started giggling.

" Uncle Jasper auntie Rose is just in love." She said in a swoony voice.

We all just looked at her. " Why is everyone looking like that, it's the same look that Rapunzel has in Tangled when she looks at Flynn at the end."

We all busted up laughing. " You're right honey I think she has it bad." I whispered in her ear. We both laughed.

" Shut up, and you my dear brother." She pointed to Jasper. " I don't want to hear anything mister I am waiting for the perfect women to walk into my life and I will know her when I see her." She rolled her eyes; Jasper closed his mouth and zipped his lips. I could see Sue's shoulders shaking from laughter.

"If you're all done with the love fest going on here in the kitchen we need to get a move on the Escalade is packed with all the gear, the roads are a little slick this morning so its best if we leave early." Sam said from the entrance to the kitchen. He brushed his wavy black locks out of his eyes.

Sam is, tall, dark and handsome with jet-black wavy hair and my dad's right hand man I am surprised he left him behind. But I'm glad he took Jacob with him, the guy gives me the creeps. He turned on his heel and walked out of the kitchen.

" Well I guess we need to get going." I grabbed all the plates and walked them to the sink.

" Shoo out of here, have a fun day on the slopes, I'll have some hot chocolate waiting for you guys and your favorite orange rolls Jasper waiting when you get back."

Sue shooed us out of her kitchen I helped Harper with her snow boots and coat. I grabbed mine off the coat rack and slipped on my boots, wrapping my white scarf around my neck I slipped on Harper's beanie and mine and headed out to the garage, I strapped Harper in her booster seat and climbed in beside her.

" Are you ready." I asked as I kissed the top of her head, and walked around to the other side of the SUV.

She nodded as I climbed in the back " Bring on the powder." She fist bumped jasper as he shut the door.

My little angel is growing up so dang fast, she's to young to snowboard but Jasper put in her head she could do it, so her stubborn self wants to try it.

" If we end up in the ER Jasper you're footing the bill, and I will ring your neck."

He just chuckled as he climbed up front. Rose of course emerged from the house ten min later looking like a super model in a pair of tight black ski pants and white north face jacket. She climbed in and we made our way up to Snowmass, the only ski resort in Aspen that has snowboarding lessons for beginners.

" So I have got it on good authority Santa might be on the slopes today." Jasper grinned from the front seat.

" No." Harper screamed. "He cant he has to go get daddy for me, he can't be taking time off to ski."

I patted her hand. " Maybe he has the elves doing it for him, you know giving the big guy a break." She nodded her head that seemed to appease her a little bit.

The rest of the drive was spent in silence as we all starred out the window looking at the scenery, my head was swimming, what do I do, do the pros out way the cons, is Jasper right? I would have my family there to back me up. The scenery passed by in a blur the vast white landscape brought clarity to me, I knew what I had to do, I needed to get over myself and let Harper have a chance to meet her father. Making my mind up was the easy part now how do I go about it.

We got to the Slopes and met up with our private ski instructor Zach, he was a typical ski instructor blond shaggy hair, face tan from hours out in the glistering sun, chapped lips from the blowing wind.

" Bella are you." Rose nudged my shoulders.

" Nothing wrong with enjoying a little eye candy." I smiled at her shocked face.

" I'll show you some eye candy." She pulled out her phone and flipped it around so I could see the screen. "That my dear is some eye candy." She whispered,

I grabbed the phone from her. It was Emmett and oh my god Edward they were both shirtless, Edward was drinking from a bottle of water. Did not know I could be jealous of a water bottle.

" You might want to wipe that drool from the corner of your mouth." Rose giggled

" Where did you get that." I whispered, we were getting looks from both Jasper and Zach, Harper was busy playing with her snowboard.

" Emmett's sister Alice sent it to me, she answered his phone said he was busy playing a game of tennis with Edward, I asked her to snap a picture and send it to me. She said she would gladly do it, we talked for awhile, I think you would like her. She's a little spunky though.

" Rose can I talk to you once they take Harper up the hill."

" Of course babe, are you ready to finally call him?"

I just nodded my head and turned my attention back to Zach who was telling us that they would have a break around 12:30 for lunch and then they would be done around two and that we could meet back up here around then to pick her up. I wanted to stay and watch her for a while so Rose and I went over and sat on a bench they had in the instruction area for parents to sit and watch, Jasper helped Harper strap on her board and then strapped on his. And then they were off.

" So Bella, how do you want to go about contacting him." Rose asked as she snapped pictures of Harper and Jasper on the pulley.

" Well I don't think calling him up and saying hey this is Bella, you know the girl your screwed on the train in Chicago, oh and hey just so you know we conceived not one but two kids will go over very well."

" No I don't think that would go over very well, hey why don't I just mention something to Emmett, about how you saw his picture and were interested in him."

" Do you think that would work?"

" It's worth a try, don't you think. Hey even better I should send a picture of you to Emmett."

" I don't know Rose, that might be taking it to far."

" No its perfect he thinks you are dead your name won't mean anything to him, but your picture will."

I got off the bench, even though I made up my mind I was still having doubts, he thought I was dead I don't know what's worse believing someone is dead or not even knowing they exists. " I need to do some work I'll be in the lodge are you coming in or not."

" Yeah I'll be in a few, I want to take some more pictures of Harper, look at her Bella, she's a natural."

God she was, Jasper was boarding right behind her Zach was in front of her giving her directions the girl obviously did not get my clumsiness, she only fell down twice but got right back up, I watched in awe of my little princess.

" I bet Edward would be so proud to see his little girl." I turned around and Rose snapped a picture of me.

" Rosalie Hale I swear if you send that picture I will kick your ass from here to tinbucktoo."

She just stuck her perfect derriere out for me to kick. " Go for it."

" You did not send that did you?"

" Please Bella, that's not a very good picture to send him hello you have sunglasses on he would not be able to tell it was you."

" Whatever, I'm going to go hug my little princess and then head into the lodge." I swept Harper and board up in my arms and told her how proud I was of her. I set her back down kissed the top of her head and walked into the lodge to work on an article.


	9. Chapter 8 a phone call

****AN: so here is the next chapter it's long I know but Edward likes to talk, hope you all enjoy it

Once again I do not own twilight the beautifully and talented Stephenie Meyer does, if I did I would be a rich women and would not have to worry about such things as getting in an accident and ruining my hubs truck.

Hope I can get the next chapter up within the next week before I am lounging on a deck of a cruise ship in the Carribean, and I am really hoping our ship does not hit a rock and we have to jump ship, cause that might be the end of Motocrossward.

* * *

**EPOV:**

Emmett was relentless tonight trying to get me to open up and talk to him, he decided that a game of tennis might help relax me I gave in but told him to get ready to have his ass kicked. After his phone call with his dream girl he never laid off asking me question after question, with every serve of the ball he would say something about just dating blondes, never bringing a girl home, calling me a manwhore. And every return I would pound the ball harder, Thank god the ball hitting him in the face ended our game and he finally laid off.

So it takes a ball to the face to get him to shut up I'll have to remember that. I felt kind of bad, here he was just trying to talk to me, he was my older brother and I should be able to open up and talk to him, but for some reason I felt closer to Alice and opened up to her instead. After a nice refreshing swig of water we parted ways, he went into his room probably to jack off to images of his new girl, me to my room alone.

I closed my eyes trying to remember anything about her. Her delectable scent, she smelled like heaven all strawberries and freesia and Bella, I remember the way her eyes would light up when she laughed, or that beautiful blush that creeped up her cheeks when she got embarrassed. I clutched my chest it hurt so much she left a gaping hole one that would never be filled God knows I've tried oh how I've tried but I just cant seem to be able to open up to anyone, she ruined me.

The pain of having the life sucked out of me is mine to bear; I forced myself upon her thus ending her life. If only I would have listened to my father when he called me at that morning and told me to get on the train in Chicago, the one going to San Francisco. His final words when I showed up at his house still haunt me to this day. " I don't want you speak to anybody here is the ticket." He shoved it in my hands I tried to give it back; he just got redder in the face I knew the rage was coming. " Don't you dare try to cross me son, you saw what I'm capable of, do you want to become just like your mother." I cringed and fell back against the wall putting my hands up to defend myself. " Here is some money to get you there, trust me son there will be people looking for you, I need you to do this for me please. Our lives will be so much better after this, it will be the last time I ask you to do anything for me." Yeah of course it would have been the last time he asked me to do something for him, he sent me there to die.

The bastard new exactly what he was doing, my life was not going in the direction he wanted it to go, he wanted me to become him. I screamed in my pillow. He got exactly what he deserved when agent Swan ended his life. I hated that man for being the one to tell me that the only person I felt a connection to was dead but he saved my life, gave me Carlisle, Esme and a family. I got the chance to have a mother in my life, even though I was in my twenties when I showed up on their doorstep, she welcomed me with open arms. It's been 5 years since I have seen him; the last time was the day I buried the love of my life. He stood back as I poured my heart and soul to her closed casket begging her to forgive me. I was never raised with any kind of religion in my life but I just knew that Bella was somewhere good, she just had to be her heart was pure as gold. He stood there with his sunglasses and a smug ass grin on his face. He got what he wanted then he washed his hands of me and gave me my new family. The only words he uttered to me that day were just don't become like your father Edward and you will never have to see me again.

I must have fallen asleep at sometime, cause the next thing I knew my alarm was blaring I sat up the sheets clinging to my bare chest from the sweat. I needed caffeine pronto, my head was throbbing, but a shower would need to come first.

I closed my eyes as the hot water streamed against my sore muscles; riding today was going to be a treat. I reached for my shampoo and poured some into my hands, I was assaulted by the smell of strawberries and I dropped the shampoo bottle and hit my back on the tile wall hard. I looked down fumbling for the bottle, that was not my shampoo, I had no clue who Alberto Baslam was, nor do I want my hair smelling like a fucking fruit. Fuck I needed to get out of here it smells like her. I turned off the water. So much for a shower, I dried myself off grabbed the offending bottle of shampoo threw on my boxers and gray shorts and headed upstairs.

" No, shirt no service." Alice said as she pointed to the sign above the doorway I just walked through.

I walked over to the coffeepot and poured myself a cup trying to ignore the little pixie. " Get over it Sis, and may I ask what this shit is." I threw the bottle of shampoo on the counter in front of her.

" It was on sale." She just shrugged her shoulders.

" I do not want my hair smelling like some god damn fruit." I pulled out the front of my waistband took a look down at my dick and looked back up at her." Yep have a cock and balls, I'm a guy not a chic Alice."

" Eww just eww."

" Yeah well you can think about that next time you put anything fruity in my bathroom."

" What the hell is this." Emmett came storming into the kitchen; he had a bottle of some orange shampoo in his hand. Looks like he gets to smell fruity today too.

" Ask the pixie making pancakes."

" Really Alice come on."

" Stop right there, I have already been informed you have a cock and balls I don't want to hear it anymore, sorry was online doing some shopping and did not feel like going out to Target to get you guys your manly shampoo." She was waving the spatula in the air.

" You said that." He guffawed, looking at me

" He not only said that he checked to make sure it was still intact before he said anything." Alice slid the last pancake off the griddle and on to the plate on the counter. Emmett fist bumped me. Alice huffed turned on her heel and walked out of the kitchen.

We both plopped down on the stools and dug in. Damn my sis can cook. What would we do without her definitely starve that's for sure or gain 100 pounds eating take out?

"Mmm, I sure hope Rose can cook." Emmett shoved another forkful into his mouth the syrup dripping from the corner of his mouth.

" It's surprising you can pick up women eating like that." I was disgusted.

" I've already charmed them with my good looks before we even sit down to eat."

Was he serious? " Yeah keep telling yourself that."

" Whatever dude, your just jealous cause I get all the girls." He waved his fork in the air.

" Hardly." I coughed.

Emmett turned on his stool and pointed at me. " What is your problem man, I finally found someone that I might want to spend the rest of my life with and here you are giving me a hard time about it, are you not suppose to be happy for me."

" I'm your little brother aren't I suppose to give you a hard time." I smiled at him and grabbed another pancake of the plate and poured syrup on it.

He slammed his fork down on the counter. " Tell me Edward, what did this mystery girl do to you that makes it impossible for you to fall in love."

I shook my head, nope not going down this road, I was not ready to open myself up to Emmett, yeah I have told Alice but she's a girl she understands stuff like this. " Oh would you look at the time, I have training in thirty minutes don't want to be late." I picked up my plate and walked over to the sink rinsing it and putting it in the dishwasher.

" I'm going to get you to open up to me, mark my words."

" Not going to happen so just drop it."

He came up behind me a clapped my on the shoulder. " Can I come with you today, it's been a while since I rode, would love to just hit the dirt today."

I sighed; well at least the subject of Bella was over. " Sure meet me in the garage in five, you still got your gear?"

" Yeah think it's in the totes in the garage, thanks Edward this means a lot to me, you still have my bike right?"

I just nodded my head and left the kitchen, I knew we needed this. He's been away for so long we needed to bond again as much, I went to my room grabbed my bag and headed to the garage. I backed the truck out and hooked it up to the enclosed trailer. I opened the rear door and walked inside making sure the bikes were strapped down and all the gear, gas tanks and supplies were in there, Emmett came out with his gear bag and helmet and tossed them into me. I shimmied my way between the bikes and jumped out the door shutting and latching it. Emmett climbed in the truck and we were off.

Surprisingly Emmett was quiet the whole way to the track just taking in the scenery. We parked got everything unloaded, I strapped my boots grabbed my helmet placing it over my messy hair gave Emmett a thumbs up and kicked my bike to life, the engine purring underneath me, heading out of the parking lot to the track. Emmett caught up to me around the first loop. Emmett was a good rifer but not as good as I was, I kicked clutch up hitting the next gear and took off leaving Emmett in my dust. Riding was therapeutic to me. I felt alive anytime I was out here riding. Carlisle and Esme purchased this piece of ground for my training, it took a lot of work to get it where it is now, but one thing Carlisle taught me was if you put your heart and soul into something the hard work will always pay off.

Emmett and I rode for hours, we broke for lunch both grabbing a chair out of the trailer and a coke we plopped down and dug into the sandwiches Alice made for us. I bit into mine and closed my eyes, it's the same damn sandwich that my Bella ate that night, why is everything a constant reminder of her.

" So you ready to talk to me yet." He said with a mouthful of sandwich.

" Emmett why can't you let it go." I took a sip of my coke

" Why can't you tell me, what are you afraid of, I'm not going to judge you."

" Its just something I want to keep to myself."

" Bullshit you told Alice, don't you think that hurt's a little bit I mean come on, we are guys we should be able to talk about stuff like girls."

" I agree, but this is different."

" How, how is this any different, I know that whatever happened she must really did a number on you."

" Shut up, shut the fuck up she did not hurt me." I stood up and grabbed my helmet and took off on my bike, I rounded the first corner, I was pissed how dare he accuse Bella, if anyone did the hurting it was me. I came up over the hill, my bike left the ground and landed on the backside of the hill I laughed from the pure adrenaline rushing through my body. I pushed my bike faster and hit the second jump, I knew the minute the bike left the ground I was in trouble, and something felt off. The bike and I came down with a loud thump, I felt the slow trickle of blood seep down from the bottom of my chin and the world went black.

She was there standing in-front of me, her beautiful brown eyes searching my eyes, her scent washed over me and I knew I was in heaven I reached out for her, she did the same our finger barley grazing each other and then she turned around and ran. I finally moved running after her, her beautiful laugh was music to my ears, then she spoke and I melted " Come on Edward you have to catch me." She looked over her shoulder. I grabbed her and we fell to the ground a pile of limbs and giggling, I went to touch her face and she disappeared into thin air, I yelled out for her.

" Edward." I heard her and looked around the clearing we were in but nothing.

" Bella. Where are you love I cant see you." I yelled out to nothing but thin air.

" Edward come find me." I search again to no prevail.

" Bella." I yelled again, it was no use.

" Edward." The voice was more forceful this time and deep, not the same beautiful voice of my love.

" Edward." I opened my eyes Emmett was kneeling by me with his phone by his ear. " Carlisle he's opened his eyes looks like the handlebars got him under his chin he's going to need stitches, yeah I hear the ambulance coming, yeah I'll let you know when we are on our way." He hung up.

" Emmett, what happened." I groaned out, my bodies hurt like hell, I reached up to try and take my helmet off.

" Don't take that off, you could have a neck injury you have to lay still Edward, the EMT's are on their way, you are going to need some stitches, cut your chin right open, what were you thinking man, does anything else hurt."

" No just my pride, although I think I'm going to be soar for awhile."

" Well that's a good sign are you actually admitting that you suck at racing." He laughed.

" Shut up." I groaned it hurt to laugh. I heard the ambulance pull up the EMT's hopped out and brought the board out to put me on, they loaded me in the ambulance Emmett said he would meet us there.

Carlisle was waiting at the emergency room doors and followed the EMT's into the room. He asked what injuries I had sustained and told them he could take it from there, he got to work stitching me up then said I would need a CT scan to make sure there were no internal or head injuries and an x-ray to check for broken bones.

I was in and out of it, my head throbbed, my body felt like I was run over by a semi truck, when they wheeled me back from the CT scan and put me in the room Carlisle was there waiting for me

He held up the x-rays. " Well looks like there are no broken bones but looks like you bruised your ribs. We just need those CT scan results back now."

I closed my eyes thank you lord, my first race was coming up I did not want to miss it, I missed three last season due to injury and I was not about to have that happen this year.

Carlisle sighed. " Edward how many more crashes are you going to be able to bounce back from, how many more times are you going to come into my ER needing to be bandaged up. As much as I like seeing you during my workday I prefer to see you healthy and upright not being wheeled in on a gurney. I'm afraid one of these times we won't have this kind of outcome and it scars me."

I grumbled. He was always going off on how dangerous the sport was. The nurse knocked on the door and handed Carlisle the results. He came over and sat on my bed reading over the notes from the tech.

" Well it looks like you got lucky once again." He patted my knee. " No concussion, no internal bleeding, once Emmett gets here I'll release you but no driving I'm going to give you a strong pain killer ok, that cut on your chin was pretty bad and its going to be really sore, took twelve stitches this time."

I groaned great another scar I thought to myself. Luckily that's all it was. " Thanks dad."

" Your welcome." He got up off the bed and signed the papers releasing me. He went to open the door and stopped. " You know son have you ever thought about retiring, maybe finding that special girl and settling down."

" Dad." I warned

" Its time you let her go." I starred at him. How did he know?

" I know your hurting and you feel like its you fault, but she would want you to be happy, let her go, your mother and I want you to be happy son that's all we want for our children." He walked out the room without another word.

Emmett came barreling into the room. " Sorry man took me awhile to get everything back in the trailer, then the traffic was horrific. You Okay man."

I nodded, and sat up on the bed " Yeah let's get out of here, escaped with just the stitches and some bruised ribs."

" Lucky bastard, that was a major crash Edward scared the bejeebus out of me. You ready to tell me what you were thinking jumping on your bike like that."

" Don't Emmett I was pissed okay drop it."

He held up his hands " Okay."

The nurse knocked on the door; she had two little white pills, a cup of water and my discharged papers. She handed me the pills and water " Your dad asked me to tell you he will drop by tonight to check on you, he wants you to go home and rest, he got called into a surgery." She turned on her heel and walked out of the room leaving me to get dressed. Emmett had brought in my bag with my street shoes and my clothes in it. I slipped into the bathroom and changed careful not to bump the stitches I ran my hand through my hair and walked out.

" Let's go." I walked to the truck feeling a little dizzy from the meds. I walked to driver side automatically.

" Give up the keys you can't drive with those meds in you."

" You know it really sucks having two doctors in the family." I tossed the keys to Emmett and walked around to the passenger side.

" Get use to it Bro. Hey you want to stop for some ice cream since you were a good patient."

" Shut up asshole."

He just laughed. " No really I feel like some."

" Sure Emmett." I leaned my head against the door and closed my eyes. The next thing I knew we were parking at the grocery store, Emmett told me to just wait in the truck and headed into the store, I closed my eyes again.

I only had my eyes closed for five minuets before Emmett's phone began ringing, I decided to ignore it and try to go back to sleep. Whoever it was could leave a voice message, I needed sleep and if I was being honest with myself the dream I was having before I came too on the track was nice. I needed the torture again; in fact I was craving it.

" Edward." She whispered my name. " Make love to me please." She was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on, her long mahogany hair cascading over her shoulders, her beautiful doe like eyes begging and pleading me to take her to places she had never been before.

I reached out my hand grazing her cheeks, her beautiful blush lit up her face and then she smiled that glorious smile of hers letting me know that she wanted this as much as I did, and god did it feel so good seeing her smile. I sank into her breaking her barrier and taking her higher with me in the process till we both fell over wall, and came gliding back slowly to the ground. I tried to look into her beautiful eyes to gauge if she was feeling the same things I was feeling but her eyes were closed.

" Bella love, wake up." I shook her, she did not respond.

" Come on baby wake up for me please." I whispered in her ear. No response.

I shook her harder and felt for her pulse, nothing, no pulse. " Come back to me Bella please come back to me." I cried for her, I needed her to come back.

I killed her, she was gone, and she will never come back to me. I curled up into a ball on the bed and sobbed I felt the tremors racking my body. " No not her, don't take her from me, Bella, Bella I love you, you can't leave me." I cried for her.

" Edward." I tried to curl up further away from the gravely voice yelling my name.

" Edward." The voice yelled again, this time shaking me. I fought with everything to get away from whoever it was.

" Edward stop trying to fight me." I opened my eyes Emmett was standing by the side of the truck the passenger side door was open and I noticed we were in our driveway.

" Sorry I must have dosed off there." I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

" That must have been some dream. You were yelling for someone named Bella, then you started to hit me when I tried to wake you up, those must have been some pretty strong drugs dad gave you, so is this Bella the one that screwed you up."

" Emmett." I growled. " Drop it please I just want to lie down in my bed and sleep the rest of the day away, what time is it anyway?" I stepped out of the truck, grabbing my sides damn my ribs hurt like a bitch.

" Hey, let me help you." Emmett helped me into the house, and down the stairs to my room, he turned down the bed and help me get comfortable.

Alice came in with a glass. " Oh my Edward are you okay." She came over and ran her hand over my forehead.

" Nothing that a little sleep will cure." I smirked and closed my eyes.

I felt her press her lips to my forehead and tell Emmett to let me sleep, and to meet her in the kitchen, sleep consumed me the next thing I know I was opening my eyes to a very dark and empty room. I gingerly got out of my king-sized bed, and went to take a piss. My body ached badly; I climbed the stairs slowly and walked into the kitchen.

Emmett and Alice were over at the bar giggling like schoolgirls in front of a laptop. " What are you two giggling at." I asked as I grabbed the pitcher of orange juice out of the fridge.

They both snapped their head s up. " Oh you're finally up. Here let me pour that for you." Alice began to get up.

" Sit down pixie I've got it." I set the pitcher down on the counter and grabbed a glass out of the cabinet

Alice plopped back down in her barstool and pouted. I rolled my eyes. " So you two going to tell me what your looking at that is making you laugh like 2 school girls.

" Oh shut it." Alice stuck her tongue out at me.

" Oh Rose just emailed me some pictures of her and her family in Aspen today, they were up at Snowmass, her niece was taking snowboarding lessons."

" And so explain why that would be amusing, what did she fall on her ass?"

" No, dear brother of mine." Emmett looked up at me. " We were laughing cause are dear little pixie of a sister sent Rose a picture of us taking a break from our tennis game last night."

" And." I don't know if it was the drugs or what but I was not keeping up.

" Well we were both shirtless, if you remember."

" Would you get to the point please, the drugs are making me kind of slow." They both started laughing.

" Um don't think that's the drugs talking Bro, but anyway Rose showed her friend Bella the picture, she thinks your hot man."

I choked on my orange juice; did he just say what I think he said? " What come again." I must have heard wrong.

" I said that Rose showed her friend Bella the picture of us and she thinks your are hot, Rose said she called her out for drooling over the picture." I must be in a daze or something.

I shook my head to get out of the daze. " Well did you tell her that I don't date so don't even try and set me up."

" You might change your mind if you saw the picture's Rose just sent me."

He turned the laptop towards me and there on the screen was my angel. No it could not be her I looked closer, it was her, her lovely mahogany hair still cascaded over her shoulders, her big beautiful brown eyes engrossed in a book, her legs were draped haphazardly over the arms of the couch she was sitting on. She had a colorful scarf wrapped around her neck, on her right hand was a pink cast, she looked older, wiser, and god she was beautiful. I gasped and took steps backwards until I fell into the fridge sliding down to the floor and sobbed.

How, why, Oh my god she was alive all this time I thought she was dead, but how this is not real I'm dreaming right, what kind of drugs did Carlisle give me.

" Edward." Alice was sitting by me on the floor wiping the tears from my eyes.

I threw my arms around her a sobbed harder. " Shhhhh, it's going to be okay."

" It's her Alice, she's alive my Bell is alive." I cried.

" I know Edward, when Emmett showed me the picture I knew it had to be her, she's just as you described to me, she's beautiful."

' I don't understand. Why were you two laughing then, this is not funny at all, I fact I'm pissed, she's been alive this whole time." I wanted to punch something unfortunately my arms were still wrapped around Alice.

" Hey Edward look at me." She lifted my chin up to look into her blue eyes. " We weren't laughing at that, Rose sent a video of her niece snowboarding, she was doing a little fist punch when she made it down the hill without falling, it was cute we were just giggling how cute she was."

I looked up into her eyes; fresh tears were flowing down her cheeks. " Oh my god she's alive." I whispered and raised my head to the ceiling thanking the gods up above.

I sat there in a daze. " Where's Emmett?" I looked around the kitchen. He was no longer sitting on the barstool in fact he was nowhere in the kitchen.

" Um." Alice started but stopped. I raised my eyebrows for her to continue.

" He's talking to Rose on the phone he left the room so she could not hear what was going on."

" He's talking to Rose right now?" she nodded.

" Bella is with Rose?" she nodded again.

" I need to talk to her." I started to get up and grimaced my ribs hurt worse than before my nap.

" Edward, here let me help you up." Alice wrapped her arms around me and helped me to a standing position. My sides hurt like hell. Don't know if it really was my ribs or that fact that I was just blown away with the news that the person that I fell madly and deeply in love with overnight was really alive and well and not buried eight feet in the cold earth like I was made to believe.

And that made me furious, I wanted to ring Charles Swan's neck for lying to me, for ruining me. I balled my hands into a fist. I needed to take this anger out on the bag but I know that would be a stupid move considering I took a nasty fall today.

Alice helped me over to the couch and I slumped back against the cushions and closed my eyes. Alice placed the laptop in my lap and I took another glance at the picture, I looks she was unaware she was being photographed, she had a small smile on her lips, I wanted to just reach out and trace them. She looked amazing, beautiful, magnificent I wanted to just wrap her up in my arms and never let her go again.

But before I could do that I needed to know why, why after five years am I now learning she is alive. " Is this some sick joke, why now?"

" I don't know Edward, hopefully Emmett is getting some answers." Alice sat down next to me on the couch.

" She really is beautiful." Alice starred at the picture with me.

" She is and not just physically her heart is just as beautiful." I shook my head. "That night on the train she told me she loved me and she never wanted to be apart, she said we were soul mates or some shit like that and I totally felt the same way that's why I'm so damn confused right now."

Emmett plopped down on the coffee table in front of me and handed me his phone. He looked pissed off.

" Did you find anything out?" I asked he just shook his head no.

" No, I even yelled at her, I made her cry and now I feel like a total asshole. She just said that its Bella's story to tell and that she was so sorry that she did not tell me sooner. I guess they saw the picture of you in the magazine Rose was looking at when I walked in the room to check out Bella. Bella freaked and passed out I thought it was from the pain or the fact she needed an ex-ray at least that what I was lead to believe. That's all she would tell me, but now it all makes sense she was so on edge after I came back in the room."

Bella was on edge, was she hiding from me and was afraid that I would find her? That last thought crushed me." So why do I have your phone?" I picked up out of my lap. And tossed it onto the table beside Emmett.

" Because Rose said that Bella would like you to call her, she nervous Edward, well according to Rose she's nervous."

Emmett picked up the phone and dialed what I assume was Bella's number. He set the phone down on the tabletop; he must have hit speaker. I heard the first ring and my palms started sweating.

" Do you want us to leave." Alice whispered.

The phone rang again. " No stay I'm going to need you two to get through this." I pleaded with them both. Alice squeezed me hand in reassurance.

They just nodded. The phone rang again and just when I thought she would not pick up I heard it. Her beautiful musical voice.

" Hello." Her voice cracked.

" Bella." And fresh tears rolled down my face. I wanted to crawl through the phone and sweep her up and never let her go.

" Edward." She whispered.

" I'm here." She gasped.

" Hi." She sounded so nervous, what was she afraid of, that I might yell at her?

" Hi." Why was this so awkward? " Can you please tell me how your alive, your suppose to be eight feet underground right now?"

" Um well I'm hoping we can talk about this in person, I would rather not do it over the phone."

" So does that mean you are coming back to LA sometime soon."

" Define soon." She asked.

" Like within the next few days." I clarified.

" Um no sorry." She sounded deflated.

" What do you mean no." I was getting irritated, she said she wanted to talk in person, but she's not coming back.

" I can't come back yet."

" What's that suppose to mean, for Christ's sake would you fucking tell me what's going on." Alice smacked me upside the head.

"Ouch what was that for." I turned to Alice; she just shrugged her shoulders.

" Sorry Bella, my brothers being an ass, proceed." My mouth gaped open. Great like she's going to say anything now.

I heard her mumbling something but could not make out what she said.

" What was that." I asked her, I really wish I could read minds, maybe I could get a insight into what was going on since we was being as vague as they come.

" Nothing sorry was talking to my friend, It's just I cant come back to LA right now because I promised someone that we would be where they could see snow on Christmas morning."

" Someone significant." I closed my eyes; I was not ready for her answer.

Her response did not come, If I was a betting man I would bet that she was biting her bottom lip as we speak. I hear rustling and mumbling voices. I heard someone in the background tell her to grow a pair of balls and just answer the man, which had Emmett chuckling beside me. I leaned over to him and whispered.

" That must be Rose." He just nodded.

" Okay fine." Bella was back on the line. " Shut up I'll do it." I heard her sweet voice.

" Yes Edward someone significant." And my heart dropped to my stomach.

I found my voice finally after she dropped that piece of info into my lap. " Yet you still want to meet and talk."

" Yeah I kind of promised that I would do this for them."

" That's nice what about your promise you made to me about forever, did you forget about that little one." It was hard to keep the venom out of my voice.

I could hear her crying, Alice was crying and Emmett just starred at me, yeah I knew that was hitting below the belt after all I threw what we had away on some of the sleaziest girls in town, but in my defense I thought she was dead.

She sniffed. " Edward?" she said my name like it was a question.

" What Bella."

" Can I have your e-mail, I need to show you something, you will probably hate me more than you already do after this but it's the only way I can shed a little bit of light into what's going on until we speak face to face."

" If only it sheds some light, wouldn't want your significant other to be mad your e-mailing a ex boyfriend."

" Its not like that, can I have it please?" she sighed.

I pondered that question for a minute; I'll just let her stew. She was not giving me anything to answer my question of how she's alive. Alice nudged me and mouthed give it to her.

" Fine it's ec_ foxracing at ."

" Thank you, just give me a few seconds when you get the email click on the link. Okay I sent it."

Once again her voice cracked. I grabbed the laptop that I set on the table when I dialed her number; I clicked on gmail and opened my account sure enough there was an email from a bms_volturimag at in my inbox, so she worked with Rose. Wonder what the s stood for last time we talked her last name was Dwyer. I bet she's married my subconscious yelled. I shook that thought off and clicked on the email.

" I got it, just about ready to click on the link."

" I'll just hold on the line till you view it okay."

" Whatever you say." I clicked on the link and it went to a video. The arrow hovered over the play button and I was suddenly hit with nerves do I really want to do this. Alice and Emmett both nudged my sides shooting pains all over I winced they both mouthed sorry. Bella's side of the line was silent.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened them and hit the play button, there starring at me was the most beautiful little girl on the face of the earth sitting on Santa's lap. Alice gasped; Emmett's eyes were huge as saucers.

" Oh my god." Alice hands covered her mouth. Fresh tears streaming down her face.

I could not take my eyes off of her she was dressed in a cream and black dress, she had on black tights and some black shoes, her hair was curly and copper, just like mine that's when it sank in. Just like mine, she was mine.

I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted scream, yell, and hit something. But the little girl started talking and my eyes trained onto the screen. She was looking up at Santa as he asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she opened her mouth to speak, and she looked over to the camera then back at Santa and said.

I want to wake up on Christmas morning and see snow, I want to take snowboarding lessons and I would like a snowboard but above all of that the thing I want the most is my daddy, I don't know who he is and I would like to meet him.

Santa looked back at my little girl, and smiled. He told her he would try everything in his power to get her what she wanted. She climbed off his lap and ran over to the camera saying mommy mommy did you hear him. The video ended and I sat there stunned, I don't know what to say.

I don't know how long I was sitting there but I finally found my voice. " Bella."

The line was silent for seconds could have been minutes. " Yes Edward she's yours." Bella was crying.

" I, I don't understand Bella, all this time, five god damn years, you knew and yet you kept her from me." I sobbed.

" I know please can we just talk in person so I can explain, see I have made good on the first two thing she asked for but I cant give her the most important one. My private plane is waiting for you at Long Beach airport, and I can have my driver meet you and bring you here, your family is even welcome to come too, they deserve to meet her as well."

I don't know what to say. " You just expect me to drop everything and come up there."

" She wants to see snow on Christmas morning Edward, that's not going to happen in LA, and I don't want you missing out on another Christmas, its wouldn't be fair." She whispered the last part.

" Fair." I yelled. " Why now, why after five years did you just all of a sudden decide now would be a good time."

" Please Edward I need to do this face to face, are you coming up or not."

" I don't know Bella, right now I want to punch something I would hate for you to be in the way of my fist." She gasped.

" Edward." She whispered my name " Please just come."

Emmett and Alice were both pacing the room, Alice had her phone to her ear, probably calling mom and dad, great if mom finds out she will drag me by my ear up there and throw me on Bella's doorstep. I took a cleansing breath and gritted my teeth.

" Fine but I want an explanation the minute we get through the door, no skirting around the issue you got that."

" I understand. And Edward."

" Yes Bella."

" Just so you know her name is Harper and her Birthday is July 11th."

" Thank you Bella, will you know when I get there?" I questioned.

" Yes I'll have my pilot call me when you land, I'll have a car waiting for you when you land, they can bring you straight here if you want."

" That will be fine, call them to expect us in a few hours."

" Okay have a safe flight." The line went dead, and just like that with a twenty min conversation my life had gone from feeling like I was on top of the world to feeling like I was just thrown into a pit of alligators. I shut the laptop and left the room, walking outside to the back porch I lifted my head to the sky and let the scream that had wanted to escape during my conversation with Bella. I screamed until I was hoarse and I felt the tender touch of my mother's hands around my neck. We both sank to the stone patio and sobbed.

I don't know how long we sat there on the cold ground but eventually, she encouraged me to stand up. I looked into the soft loving eyes of my mother and saw a genuine smile on her face, my mother was happy.

" Oh Edward, I'm sorry, but if it's worth anything I'm excited to meet your beautiful daughter, my granddaughter."

" I am too, this whole situation is just fucked up."

" Language Edward."

" Sorry mom, but it is, five years I missed out on everything."

" Yes you did and that's not fair to you or her, but you cant undo what is done all you can do is move forward."

" Yah but what if she hates me for not being in her life."

" Edward kids are resilient, I don't think she will hate you. What I think you need to do is go get packed, your father called Bella's pilot and told him we would be there by six we need to get a move on if we are going to make that time frame."

My mother let go of our embrace and walked over to the French doors holding it open for me. " Mom, thanks." I kissed her on the cheek.

" For what."

"For knowing that I'm not ready to talk, for just holding me and letting me break down, for just being you."

" Edward. I love you that's what mom's are suppose to do son."

The drive to the airport in Long Beach was filled with silence we boarded the plane and before I knew it we were in the air flying towards Aspen.

* * *

AN: hope you liked this chapter please review it would help me as a writer

So how do you think this meeting is going to go down, is Edward going to play nice or do you think he's going to put up a fight, scream yell maybe punch a wall.

And how do you think Bella is going to react to seeing Edward?


	10. Chapter 9 meeting

A/N: So I'm back from my cruise and got this together to post this morning then FF decided to piss me off and not let me log in, then RL happened when the issue was finally fixed so now I'm posting it tonight

Hope you Enjoy

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the characters in my head Stephenie is one lucky lady.

* * *

I hung up with Edward and slumped down in the chair at Charlie's desk. " That is not how I envisioned that phone call going." I humphed.

" What you though he would be shooting rainbows and glitter out his ass, doing cartwheels and jumping up and down, you freaking dropped a nuclear bomb in his lap Bella."

" God I know Rose do you need to be so damn harsh all the time, I." I paused not knowing what to say.

" You what Bella." Rose was picking at her beautifully perfect manicured nails.

" I, I just thought that maybe he would be happy to hear my voice." I paused again what was I really expecting. I blew the hair that had fallen in my face out of the way.

" Listen Bella I've tried to be nice about this but shit is about to go down and you girl need to put on your big girl panties and be prepared for his anger. I know you want to blame yourself for everything that happened but the truth is Bella, the only person that is to blame is Charlie he made a choice and because of that the three of you have suffered a great deal." She came over and sat across from me at the desk.

" Look I'm not really good at sugar coating things, Edward is hurt and confused do you fault him for that."

" No absolutely no, I get it I just thought that maybe just maybe he would not be so angry."

" Bella you fucking did not give him anything with that phone call just that you were alive and he was a father to a little girl." Her voice was raised.

I hung my head in shame, she was right I dropped a huge bomb in his lap and gave him nothing to explain it. " I know I just wanted to do it in person I thought he deserved that then over the phone." I whispered. Hot tears were streaming down my face

Rose came over and kneeled in front of me. " Sshh its going to be fine, Emmett texted me right before the plane took off, he said Edward's emotions were all over the place but one emotion stood out and that was for the first time since Edward came to live with them he saw a glimmer of hope cross his face. It came and was gone quickly but he saw it that's got to count for something right. Darling he's just confused."

I love it when her Texas twang comes out; I could not help but start to giggle. " Darling." I tried to mock her but I sucked at accents.

" Please for the love of God never do that again you Bella Swan can not do accent's." we both started laughing.

" Feel better yet?" Rose asked.

" Yes and no, I'm scared shitless right now, I don't want Harper here, but then again would that be fair to Edward."

" You mean you don't want her here when he gets here?"

" I just think it would be safer if she was not here when I drop then next bomb, you know what I mean, he's going to be hurt I just don't think it would be wise, is that selfish of me."

" No Bella its not selfish, I think your right maybe Sue can take her out for some ice cream, I'll have Sam drive them into town on the way to pick up Edward and his family he can go back into town and pick them up later what do you think."

" That sounds like a good plan." A knock on the door came and I heard my sweet little girl's voice announce that dinner was ready and Sue expected us down in five min.

" Guess we are being summoned to the kitchen." Rose stood up and walked to the door she stopped and turned around. " You know what I think the princess is going to be the bridge between the fire."

She walked out of the room leaving me perplexed and confused what the hell was that suppose to mean. I caught up to her as she was walking down the stairs then it hit me Harper would make it possible for us to cross the fire to each other she would be a bridge.

Rose turned her head and smiled, she knew I figured it out. " You think it's possible."

We kept walking down the stairs " Bella whether you guys are standing on that bridge together as a couple or standing there together as friends raising your beautiful daughter, you are going to be in each other's lives and Harper and for that matter Lucas will be responsible for that."

She was right, Harper and my beautiful baby boy were our bridge, I just hope that Edward does not crush the bridge and we all burn. We walked into the kitchen Harper was sitting in her usual spot coloring a picture. I walked over to her and kissed her mess of copper curls on her head.

" What are you coloring princess?" I looked at her picture, she had drawn a Christmas tree and around it was what looked like a family holding hands. I did not need to ask her to know who the people in the picture were.

" It's a picture of you, me and daddy looking for a Christmas tree." I drew in a breath.

I knew what I needed to do. " My sweet sweet baby girl that is the best picture ever, can mommy take a picture of it."

She nodded her head and kept coloring. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and snapped a picture of her coloring. I waited till she was done with the picture then snapped one and sent them off to Edward with the captions. Our little girl coloring, one of her favorite pastimes. And this is what she drew enjoy. I knew he was probably in the air and would not receive them till he touched down but maybe they would softened him a little bit.

I wanted to eat I was famished but my mind was racing I knew Edward would he here in less than an hour and I needed to get Harper out of here without her being all nosy why she had to go with Sue.

" Hey Sue, um I was thinking maybe Jennifer could bring Riley to the ice cream shop and you could take Harper, Sam could take you and bring Harper back when you guys get done." Rose asked. I mouthed a thank you to her.

" That would be great Riley has been asking about getting together to play, let me call Jen and make sure they are free, it will be great for Jen too she's going stir crazy if that baby boy does not show up soon I think we are going to have world war three on our hands."

We all laughed yeah I knew how she felt although I spent the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy with my babies in bed in a hospital only being allowed to get up to use the bathroom then back in bed. I thought Jasper was going to go insane I was batshit crazy but pregnancy hormones make you do that. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

" Harper do you want to go get Ice cream with Sue and Riley." She bounced in her chair and nodded her head.

" Are you going to come too mommy." She looked at me her emerald pool's mesmerizing me.

" Sweetie mommy needs to get some things done so Santa can come tomorrow night."

" Oh okay can we go right now, I want to go right now." She bounced in her seat.

Sam came in to the kitchen. " Mrs. Swan the Eagle will be landing in about twenty minutes we need to get going." My heart leapt out of my chest he will be here in forty minutes.

" Okay." I whispered. " Let me just get Harper's coat and boots, Leave the dishes Sue I'll get them it will give me something to do."

" Okay darling there is some hot cocoa simmering on the stove for our guest's." she whispered in my ear so Harper would not be able to hear.

I walked down the hall to the coat rack to retrieve Harper's coat and boots; I bundled her up in her pink bubble coat and slipped on her brown snow boots. " Be good for Sue okay." I kissed her nose and hugged her tight. Oh my sweet angel I hope when you get back tonight your daddy will still be here and you get your Christmas wish.

I kept busy washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen, Jasper and Rose knew well enough to leave me alone to my thoughts they both were sitting in the family room waiting on me to pull myself together.

" Bella, Sam just called and said they are pulling into the drive right now, you better hurry your ass up in there." Rose quipped.

" Don't get your panties in a bunch Rose I'm just setting up a tray for the hot chocolate."

" Ooh trying to win over the family with your domestic skills huh."

" Shouldn't you be in here doing the same bitch."

" Love you too." She came and helped me fill the tray with the marshmallows and the crushed candy canes and we brought them and set them on the coffee table I started pacing in front of the fireplace, my fingers found their place in my hair a nervous habit of mine."

" Stop you are going to look like a freaking troll doll." Rose grabbed my hands and pulled me down to sit on the brown microfiber sectional.

" Could be worse she could be biting her nails." Jasper said hiding behind the newspaper he was reading.

I picked up one of the red pillows and hurled it towards his head. " Ass." I missed by a long shot it bounced off the back of the couch and landed on the hardwood floor.

" We need to work on your aim Darlin." Jasper chuckled; he folded up the newspaper and set it on the coffee table. He stood and reached behind the couch and picked up the pillow hurling back at me and I tried to deflect it but was to late it hit me square in the face.

" That my girl is how you throw a pillow at someone's head." We all started laughing then the sound of footsteps coming down the hall stopped us. I must have stopped breathing cause Jasper was standing next to me telling me to breathe.

Sam's figure came into view, and then I heard his velvety voice ask where I was, and my world was turned on its axis as I laid my eyes on the most beautiful man on the planet. We both stood there starring at each other not one of us moving, I wanted to run and jump in his arms the last five years fading away, I felt like I was standing there on the platform again in Chicago.

A throat clearing behind Edward broke our gaze and Edward stepped out of the way of the offending noise, Emmett came through the doorway from the hall. Rose waived shyly and the rest of the family came into the room.

" I'm sorry please come in and sit down." I pointed to the couch, Edward stood off to the side while Emmett, what I assumed was his mother and father and his sister came and sat down. " Do you want some hot chocolate."

" Sure." They all said.

" Our house keeper Sue makes the best." I poured them all a cup. " She even crushes up candy canes to put in it." I was holding out the bowl.

" Enough of the pleasantries where the fuck is my daughter?" Edward spoke with venom. I dropped the bowl the candy cane pieces flying all over the floor. Tears sprung to my eyes as I dropped down to pick up the pieces of the bowl that shattered as it hit the floor.

" Edward behave." The women with caramel hair said looking over at Edward. " Dear are you okay, she got down on her knees beside me helping me with the mess.

Jasper appeared with a dustpan and broom and swept up the mess. He hugged me and whispered " Do you want me to kick his ass for you."

" I'll take a rain-check." He kissed my head and walked out of the room.

" She is having a playdate with a friend at a ice cream parlor, she's with our house keeper who I trust with every fiber of my being." I whispered softly. I don't know why I said that, why I feel like I have to defend my parental skills.

" So what you are saying is that you got her out so that I could not see her how very smart of you."

I turned from starring into the fireplace to starring into his fiery emerald pools. I shot daggers at him how dare he question my motives. " I am protecting her, I would like to do this without five year old ears close by, I have that right as her mother to keep her from getting hurt."

" And what about my right as her father, oh that's right those were taken away from me five years ago."

I looked around the room everyone's eyes were bouncing back from me to Edward. " Look we are not getting anywhere yelling at each other can you please sit down and let me explain things."

Edward left the doorway and went and sat beside his sister on the couch he motioned for me to start. I had no freaking clue where to start though and I started pacing.

" God women you are giving me whiplash would you stop pacing please." I stopped in my tracks at Edward's words; my hand found its way back into my hair.

" I don't know where to start." I mumbled.

Edward's sister spoke up " How about you start at the beginning."

I nodded and took a deep breath, ready or not

" Well December 23rd was like any other ordinary day in Chicago, it was cold and the snow was heavy, I woke up and finished packing my bags I had just said my last good-byes to the only parent I had in my life. She died of breast cancer, she wanted her ashes scattered under the Golden Gate bridge, we had planned to take a trip there during one of her summers off from teaching we were going to take the train, something that my mother always wanted to do, but then she became ill and we never got to go." Fresh tears streamed down my cheeks I wiped at them. Jasper came and sat by me on the hearth wrapping his arm around me I looked up to see Edward gritting his teeth.

I took another deep breath. " I waited in my driveway for the taxi to pull up the wind was whipping my hair around and it was bitter cold, the taxi pulled up and I got in that's the last thing I remember before waking up in a hospital bed 2 weeks later." I heard gasp's all around me everyone had stunned looks on their faces.

" What do you mean that's the last thing you remember? Edward asked.

" When I woke up I had no memory of anything that happened after I got in the taxi, I woke up with tubes coming out of arms and this handsome gentleman sitting by the side of my bed." I pointed to Jasper. "And another man who I found out was my father standing in the doorway to my room." I looked up at Edward.

" They told me they found me by some train tracks in Utah, I had a very bad head wound, they think I must have hit the rocks by where I was laying they had no clue how I got there. I was very confused and disoriented, when the doctor's came in they said that I had amnesia. They did not know when or if I would get my memory back."

" So you don't remember anything that happened." Edward's sister asked.

" How awful." Edward's mother came and sat by me on the hearth putting her arms around me.

" Up until a few months ago no I did not remember anything but thanks to Jasper taking me back to the place it all started slowly the pieces all came back together."

Edward was sitting there stone-faced. " So why did it take you so long to go back, why now?"

He had a point and one that I did not have a great answer for. I took another breath " With everything that happened after waking up I needed to focus on healing, then when I found out I was pregnant and had no clue how it happened my focus became the baby inside me I guess I was afraid of what I might find out. I could have been raped for all I knew. Don't get me wrong I wondered everyday who the father was, I… I just did not want to see me little girl hurt."

" And did you ever once think about how hurt her father might be when he found out." Edward hissed. " I fucking loved you for Christ's sake, I thought for five god damn years you were dead. My heart and soul were ripped from my body and thrown in a fire, all the color in my world faded and yet all this time you were alive why, why was I lied to do you have an answer for that?" He was up and pacing in front of the couch.

I hung my head, I knew he was going to be hurt when I told him everything but would he still love me, did he still love me? Jasper squeezed my hand, my rock.

" Edward, if you can sit down I will try and explain things, it's going to hurt hearing some of these things but let me get it all out before you ask questions please." He nodded his head and sat down. I don't know how I'm being this strong. I can feel the pull towards him so strongly and I just want to wrap myself up in him and just leave this ugly world behind, pretend like we are still on the train and that none of this happened but I cant.

" We can't go back and change what happened I don't know if I really would want to, I or I should say we have a beautiful daughter because of it. Who's too say you would not have walked away in the beginning I only pray that you want to have a part in her life now."

" I do Bella, god I do I… I just don't understand things I'm confused as hell and very deeply hurt I missed out on so much of her life and that my choice to stay or go was taken away from me."

" I understand I'm sorry your not the only one that had choices taken away." His head snapped up with my confession. I was about to drop another bomb in his lap with the news of Charlie.

" Until a few days ago I had no clue how I ended up in the snow by the tracks then I broke my wrist and everything fell into place, like it was fate. I guess I passed out from seeing your picture and my mind became very clear, while I was out everything came flooding back to me. You bumping into me on the platform, feeling the jolts of electricity race through my body with your touch. Me tripping my way into the dining car you once again saving me from my face hitting the floor." Everyone chuckled even Edward had a slight grin on his face.

" Sitting with you discussing the merits of fry sauce Vs ketchup."

" That's why you like that barfy looking stuff." Emmett piped up. Edward just shrugged his shoulders.

" Emmett that stuff is the bomb, don't knock it." Everyone turned to look at me. " What it is."

Edward motioned for me to continue. " I remember you coming to my seat and offering me your bed for the night saying it looked uncomfortable sleeping upright."

" Manwhore." Emmett said under his breath, I think he got 4 slaps to the head, one from Rose who was sitting right by him, Alice who was sitting on his other side, Edward's father reached across Rose and slapped him and Esme got up and slapped him too.

" Ouch," Emmett rubbed the back of his head.

" You're a big oaf you know that." Alice piped up; I looked over at Jasper he was smiling brightly at Alice. Alice turned and winked at him.

Oh good lord, think Jasper has a crush, I rolled my eyes. " As I was saying before the idiot with the dimples opened his mouth." Everyone except Edward laughed. " You invited me back to your train car, which I gladly accepted and we all know what happened after that." I looked up to gauge Edward's reaction and he was looking down at his lap but I could she a slight smile.

" I don't, care to share the details." Another round of slap's to Emmett's head ensued.

" Ouch would you guys stop doing that." Emmett rubbed his head again.

" Stop being a doofus and maybe we would stop hitting you." Rose smiled at him.

" We have a beautiful daughter because of that night, you're a doctor Emmett would should know how babies are made." Edward looked up into my eyes and gave me a sexy smirk I felt the blush creep up my cheeks and I think I just swooned right off the hearth.

" Well who's to say she's even Edward's I just wanted to make sure the deed was done." My eyes bugged out of my head how dare he. I was about to get up and go slap him myself when Esme slapped him hard.

" Are you fucking insane Emmett Cody Cullen." Everyone's jaw dropped. " One look at that beautiful little girl and there is no mistake, you would have to be blind not to see she looks just like her daddy."

" Ma I was just trying to lighten the mood, of course she looks just like Edward."

" And here I thought you were going to be trying to win this beautiful women sitting next to you over." She turned and looked at Rose. " I will not hold it against you if you want to drop kick him to the curb."

Everyone laughed " See the mood is lightened."

" Oh Emmett just sit there and look cute don't open you mouth anymore." Esme patted his cheek and went and sat by her husband who kissed her on the cheek.

I turned to Edward " She's yours I promise, I have the paternity papers if you want them." Edward looked up at me in surprise. Shit I got ahead of myself.

" Just let me finish the story it will answer most of your questions." He nodded. " After we um you know, we must have fallen asleep I was woken up by some man shaking me and yelling at me to get up, I tried to wake you up but you would not open your eyes I was scared and felt so alone, they told me to follow them if I did not comply they would shoot you." Edward gasped.

" So I got dressed and followed them out of the car the man behind me held a gun to my back and pushed me through the train to the doors they ordered me to jump, I was afraid and told them no they said they would kill you if I did not jump off, the train was slowing down and I knew what I had to do I took one look back and jumped off the train." I took a breath not ready to tell them that my own father threw me off the train.

" When I first started remembering what happened I could never see the men's faces but in the sitting in Emmett's ER it all came to me, the man that threw me off the train was the same man who stood by the side of my bed day in and day out until I was released." Edward looked over at Jasper and I shook my head no.

" No Edward that man was my father, Charles Swan."

It must have clicked in Edward's head; he got up off the couch. He looked like he was ready to punch something. " You have got to be fucking with me, no, just fucking no."

I stood up and went to stand in front of him. " Listen I'm not going to sit here and defend his actions cause I'm still really pissed at him, but he thought he was protecting me and I kind of get it. I would do anything to keep our little girl from getting hurt, but still you had a right to know that you had a daughter and he took that away from you. One would have thought that out of anyone on this planet he would have felt a little bit of compassion for you. My mother took that away from him he had no clue that I existed until Jasper tracked him down imagine the horror he felt when he saw me lying there and knew he was the one that put me there in the first place."

Edward looked at me, his eyes softening a bit. Tears were forming and I could see he was trying to hold them back. " He…he told me you were dead and it was my fault, for fives years I have blamed myself, everyday I felt like a failure for not protecting you, for bringing you into my world. It was selfish of me to want you so much but I had not control I needed you.

I reached out to him, to comfort him but he turned away from me. It was like a punch in the gut. " I'm sorry, I can't say sorry enough but it was out of my hands Edward, my father drugged me so I would not remember. I was the perfect subject for a drug the government had come up with to block the memory of people they took hostage. I was the first and the only one to last as long I'm sorry." I cried and sat back down on the hearth.

" Look you don't know hard it was for me when they told me I was pregnant, I had no clue how it happened the last thing I knew I was still a virgin. Everyday waking up with a human being growing inside of me and not know who the other person involved in the miracle was killed me. I wanted to know so badly I would get so frustrated trying to remember things that it nearly killed me, I knew that I had to just move on for the sake of my health and the babies." Shit got ahead of myself again.

" Did I hear you right did you say babies." Edward was shooting daggers at me again.

" Yes I found out I was carrying twins at my 10 week appointment the doctor thought she heard two heartbeats and ran an ultrasound to check sure enough there were two heartbeats and two sacs."

I looked around the room everyone had their eyes trained on me. I hung my head feeling very ashamed of the next bomb to drop, they are going to hate me I just know it. " Everything was on track and I was scheduled for my twenty week ultrasound I was excited and nervous, the ultrasound tech put the wand over my huge belly and I saw my babies, she checked out baby A a perfect baby girl who would be the first one to make her appearance in the world." I paused and took a deep breath to calm my nerves but it did not help and the tears started flowing, Jasper hugged me tighter and whispered words of encouragement in my ear.

I could not control the sobbin.g " And then she moved on to baby B a little boy, I was ecstatic I would have one of each, she finished her check and put the wand back in its holder on the machine next to the bed then left the room, I was confused, the tech and the doctor came back in the room, my doc said she wanted to look at baby B's heart again they thought there might be something wrong but not to be concerned it was routine if anything abnormal came up in the check it felt like hours before the doctor asked me to come back to her office with her, I was scared.

" The look on the doc's face told me everything, something was seriously wrong with my little boy. I felt like I was standing in a tunnel and all the cars were zooming past me, I could not focus on what the doctor was saying I missed everything she said, she came over to me and held my hands and that's when my whole world was shattered my little boy had half a heart."

Edward was clutching his fist his face growing redder, Esme, Alice and Rose were crying Emmett and Carlisle were whispering, I'm sure making their own diagnosis's and Jasper held me to his side keeping me upright.

" Bella." Carlisle finally spoke up. " Are you saying that your little boy our grandson had HLHS?"

" Yes."

" Okay can you dumb it down for the rest of us not in the medical field please." Alice looked to her father.

" Mary Alice HLHS is a condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome." Carlisle explained.

" One again dumb it down please."

" It's a condition in which the left side of the heart does not develop and now the right side has to take the work load, the left side pumps all the blood in your body so now the right side has to do that, most of these babies do not survive the first hours of life."

" Is it not curable, that can't do anything to fix it." Alice asked again.

" In most cases if found before birth and after birth yes they can, the baby needs to go into surgery within the first few days of life, they are put on medicine to keep the ductus arterious open so the blood can get through, in most normal babies this closes right after they take their first breath but with HLHS babies they want to keep it open."

Alice nodded her head.

" Sorry Bella I should have let you explain that." Carlisle looked over at me.

" Its fine I always have a hard time explaining it to people you did a good job." He nodded and let me continue. Edward was starring at me, I think he knew what I was going to say next.

" I was very scared, Charlie set me up right away with the top doctors who deal with babies with congenital heart defects in Seattle, I was told that not only was I high risk cause of the twins I was now extremely high risk and I would need to try and go to full term for my little boy."

I took a breath. "At thirty weeks I started having contractions and they put me on strict bed rest in the hospital I was only allowed to get up to use the bathroom, then at thirty one weeks once again I took a turn for the worse I started showing signs of pregnancy induced hypertension. To dumb it down for you Alice my blood pressure skyrocketed. They wanted to take the babies right away but the pediatric cardiologist talked them out of it and put me on meds to try and bring it down it worked for a week then one night all hell broke loose I had a seizure and they rushed me into the OR put me under and brought the babies into the world. When I woke up a few hours later confused as to what happened they told me that the babies were doing okay they were both very tiny and were both on oxygen tubes the meds I took to help with lung development helped but they were too tiny. Harper grace Swan was born at ten fifty five p.m. weighing 2 pounds and my little fighter Lucas Charles Swan came in to the world two minutes later weighing just 2 pounds also. They told me that Lucas was stable enough to under go his first surgery the next day. They wheeled me into the PICU to see him, he was so tiny my heart was filled with joy at being able to touch is little hand."

I took another breath and wiped my tears, " Jasper and I took turns going from one room to the other, Harper was in the NICU while Lucas was in the PICU, Lucas made it through his first surgery with flying colors my heart broke for him, lying there tubes coming out of every orfus, a million machines beeping keeping him alive, his chest left open so it could heal, the nurses called it a zipper."

And here comes the hardest part of all, how do you tell someone that their child died, that you could not do anything about it. " Lucas took a turn for the worse his spiked a fever of 105.2he got an infection, I knew he was not going to pull through it and begged and pleaded the nurses to let me hold him, they finally gave in and my little boy passed away two minutes later after they placed him in my arms." I could not see through my tears reliving the nightmare did me in and I turned and sobbed into Jasper's neck. I heard Edward get up and storm out of the house the front door slammed, and I lost it again.

I felt warm arms encircle me and hushed whispering of I'm so sorry's over and over. I looked up into the green eyes of Edward's mom. She kissed my head.

" I'm so so sorry I tried to do everything but it just wasn't enough sorry." I hugged her tight.

" Bella, honey look at me it's not your fault it was gods will, he's in a better place and his heart is whole once again, you can't blame yourself."

" Edward hates me."

" Hey look at me, he might not be my blood but I know him better than anyone he just needs some time to process it all, in the span of a day he found out the love of his life is alive, he is a father to a beautiful little girl and a little boy that had a rough start at life who is now in heaven just give him sometime he will come around."

I stood up " I need to go to him, I need him." Esme released me and nodded her head in understanding.

" We will just wait right here you take your time okay, he loves you very much Bella."

And I was off running down the stairs; I flung open the front door and took off down the front steps I could see the outline of Edward's figure walking down the driveway.

" Edward, please stop." I called out the wind was whipping my hair in my face and the snow started falling making it difficult to see if he stopped.

" Please stop, if not for me for your daughter she needs you, I need you." I begged. He stopped and turned around.

And then he was on a dead run back towards me. We collided in the middle of the driveway, and I was in the arms of the only man I knew I could love. I inhaled him he smelled almost the same minus the tabbaco smell. " You quit smoking."

He chuckled. " Esme made me."

" That's good."

" You smell exactly the same." he took a big whiff at my neck and then sobbed. " Bella, my love my angel you're here, your really here, we have a beautiful daughter, and a little boy." He gulped.

" I'm so sorry I tried I really did."

" Hush it's not your fault, god baby I should have been there, it should have been me not that other guy what's his name."

" Jasper."

" Yeah him, is he your boyfriend, lover, significant other."

" What, no." I took his face in my hands. " It's only ever been you." And I crushed my lips to his taking him by surprise, our lips melted to each other igniting a fire inside me, I was no longer cold, I was toasty warm, and finally I felt like I was home.

* * *

A/N: hope you enjoyed them meeting up, remember this is my story and its a work of fiction yes, yes HLHS is a real condition and yes babies and children die every day from it, if I got something wrong I'm sorry

this story is not beta'd

Please review it will make my day :)


	11. Chapter 10 A moment changes everything

A/N: sorry about the delay in getting this posted I know I said I would start posting once a week but RL decided it wanted to remodel my house and the only room where our internet was located was one of the rooms under construction it is still not finished yet but I set up a make shift computer desk with a card table so that I could work

Enjoy Dirtbikeward's POV in this chapter

Once again no copyright infringement intended Steph owns it all.

* * *

To many emotions were running through my head I needed to get out of this house before I lost it on Bella, I want to hate her so bad but after hearing what she went through there is no way I can. She was the mother of my two children.

Not only do I have a beautiful daughter because of her but I also had a son, a son who is no longer on this earth, a son I will never get to know. I walked out of the room and found myself standing outside on the front porch.

I looked up to the heavens. " Why give me what I was asking for and then shatter my dreams. Why." I screamed out.

I started walking down the long driveway, having no clue why I was walking away from the one thing that I wanted so much in my life.

My fingers found their way to the top of my head; I was clawing at my hair when her quiet voice stopped me in my tracks.

" Edward please stop, please don't go, your daughter needs you, I need you."

Hearing her say she needed me was my undoing. I spun and ran for her. We crashed into each to each other.

" Bella." I whispered I finally had her in my arms, she smelt just like I remember. I needed to know how Jasper fit into her life, he was the one that held my daughter, and son when it should have been me.

I had to know if the man that stood beside the love of my life was going to ruin me.

" Are you and that man together." I asked.

" What man." She whispered.

" The blonde in the suit."

" Jasper? No Edward there has been nobody else, even though I had no memory I think my heart has always been yours." Her lips on mine were my undoing.

Her quiet moans egged me on and I licked her bottom lip asking permission to invade her mouth, I felt like a greedy bastard, here I was taking again from her something that was not mine to take but I wanted it all. I needed to let her go my mind was spinning a million thoughts going in every direction. I reluctantly slipped my tongue out of her mouth and pulled away.

" Edward sorry I should not have done that."

" No don't apologize it was nice. I've been dreaming about this moment for five years, I'm just trying to get my head wrapped around the fact that you are standing here in front of me and that your lips were just on my lips. It's just a lot to take in right now that's all."

" I understand, your not mad at me are you?" she questioned and put her head down in shame.

" God no Bella." My hands found purchase back in my hair. " I want to be but its not your fault if anything I am mad at myself." And I was, if I had left her alone none of this would have ever happened. She would not have had to go through all that pain.

" Are you blaming yourself Edward." I nodded. " Well you better stop it right now."

" Bella if I had only listened to my father."

" What's that suppose to mean." She walked over to a bench and sat down. " Do you regret it all?"

I walked over to where she was sitting and slumped down next to her. " Yes." I sighed.

I heard her sniffle, I knew that was going to crush her and it hurt to make her feel any kind of pain. I turned and looked at the women who bore my children; fresh tears were streaming down her face. I needed to make this right.

I needed to make her understand. " Bella I only regret that you had to go through that all alone, if I only just let you be you would have found your father and lived a happy life."

" I have lived a happy life Edward." She stood up and started pacing again. "I'm not going to sit here and lie to you, yes parts were down right ugly and I was not totally alone I had Charlie, and Jasper was by my side the whole time. As much as I would rather it have been you sitting there by my side holding my hand. Helping me bring our children into the world. Comforting me when our little guy went into surgery helping me make decisions no parent should ever have to make fate had other plans for us Edward." She kneeled down in front of me in the snow, she grabbed my hands and her chocolate pools searched mine.

"We can't go back and change what happened Edward, and as much as I want to say that this is how it was suppose to be I know that things could have been different, but really would we want them to be different." She had a point Carlisle and Esme are wonderful parents and for the first time in my life I feel loved.

" You got a wonderful family to be a part of, I got time to bond with my father, and whose to say we would still be together after all this time, you might have walked away. I was tough watching our little man suffer Edward no one should ever have to see stuff like that, it breaks you."

I pulled her up into my lap I needed her in my arms, I needed her comfort I was about to breakdown. The tears were coming with no way of stopping them. We both sat there sobbing for who knows how long. Bella shivered alerting me that she was only in a T-shirt. God I'm an ass why did I not notice before now she must be freezing.

I pulled her closer trying to get her warm; my hand ran up and down her arms sending tingles up mine in the process. " Bella, sweetie your freezing we need to get you inside."

" No, I'm warm here in your arms." She shook her head.

" As much as I want to keep you in my arms forever we still have so much to talk about and I would prefer you not catch pneumonia, do you want me to carry you inside."

She shook her head no. " I might be a klutz but I think I can manage the few steps to the front door."

I chuckled. " I won't ever let you fall." I whispered in her ear.

She gasped. " Good."

I grabbed her hand and we made it to the foyer the warm air felt nice after the bitter cold air we were just sitting in, the frozen tear tracks on our faces instantly evaporating. I could hear laughter from the room where Bella poured her heart out to me.

I wrapped my arms around her stopping her momentum. " Are you ready to go back. I know my family will have a lot of questions for you, my mother has been on our cases to give her grandchildren she said she wanted them before she turned gray, don't tell her I said this but I saw some gray hairs the other day." I whispered in her ear causing her to shiver.

Bella spun her head to look at me; her beautiful smile gave me hope that we can make it through this. " I'm so telling her you said that." She stood up on her tiptoes and planted a sweet peck on my lips catching me off guard, and then she was gone and running down the hall laughing.

I rounded the corner to see Bella engulfed in Emmett's arms. " Put her down, you are going to squish her."

" Awe Eddie I was just giving her a proper Cullen hello and welcoming her to the family."

My mother was next to hug Bella, then Alice and my father. Bella was looking very overwhelmed by the love they were showing her.

" Thank you." She whispered and she sat down on the couch, I went and sat next to her.

" You're a tease do you know that." I whispered and grabbed her hand placing a kiss on her palm.

My mother and Alice were both grinning at me I winked at them and turned back to Bella. " So when is my little girl coming back."

" Oh…. Um I guess I need to cal Sue and see if they are done, are you sure, cause this is your last chance to walk away."

" I am as sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west Bella I want to meet her. I cant promise I will never hurt her because I am sure there will be times I tell her no and she will hate me, but I want the chance to get to know her."

" Okay, let me call Sue." She pulled her phone out of her pocket.

" Bella it's fine Sue called when you were outside they went over the Jen's house she started having contractions, Harper wanted to play longer so Sam said he will bring her home when they are done." The man that took care of my angel and my little girl said he was sitting on the Rocking chair. I don't know what it is about him but he just rubs me wrong in his suit and tie all professional like.

Bella stopped dialing on her cell phone and looked up. " Thank you Jasper, you are relieved for tonight." She winked at him he nodded his head and left the room.

Alice followed him out of the room. " What is up with Alice and Jasper is it." I looked at my mother.

" Oh I don't know kind of looks like she has a crush, he wooed her with his southern accent." My mom raised her hands gesturing that she had no clue what had gotten into Alice.

Alice returned with a huge grin on her face. " Are you Okay." I asked her.

" Perfect you." She sat back down on the couch.

Bella giggled. " So Bella can you tell us a little more about our granddaughter?" my mother sat down by my father and they slipped their hands together.

" Of course what do you want to know?"

" Everything, what we can expect with her, I'm sure Edward has a million questions for you."

I nodded. I could sense the tension rolling off Bella. " Let's just take this one step at a time okay."

" Okay, where to begin…. She is wonderful and when you meet her you will see why, she just has this way of bringing you right into her heart." Her friend Rose was nodding her head in agreement. I noticed that Emmett was rubbing circles with his fingers on her thigh, this family moves fast, first Alice now Emmett.

"She's a very simple girl, spoiled but very simple, from day one she has had this fighting spirit, when the nurse's and doctors would come in and say it's not looking good she would turn around and surprise them she always kept them on their toes." Bella laughed and it was the most beautiful sound.

" Her favorite thing to do to piss off the nurses was pull out her feeding tube or the oxygen tubes. The tape did not stop her, I remember walking into the NICU one morning the nurses just gave me the look and I knew she had been a little stinker during the night all I could do was shrug. They finally said I guess her stubbornness was a good thing, she would never give up. I think they were so relieved when she was finally able to breathe on her own and bottle feed, it definitely made a lot of nurses happy."

Emmett and my father both laughed pretty sure they have dealt with unhappy nurses.

" I was able to bring her home when she was 3 months old, they told me to expect her to be behind with her development how wrong they were. She rolled over for the first time 2 days after I brought her home way early, I thought it was just a fluke so I would lay her on the floor on her back sure enough she was right over on her tummy. She crawled at five and half months and by nine months the girl was walking; she crawled out of her crib on her first birthday. She has been on the go ever since. She's a daredevil, tell the girl she can't do it and she will prove to you that she can even if she gets hurt in the process."

" I think she gets that from her father." My father pointed at me.

" Me don't know what you're talking about." I grinned at my family.

" Oh I don't know about that how's the ribs." Emmett the jerk said.

" Shut up." Bella looked at me looking she wanted to know about them.

" Okay fine I crashed my bike hurt bruised my ribs in the process, I'm fine."

Bella eyes were huge as saucers; she put her hand on my sides. Her fingers grazing my ticklish spot. " Do you crash very often."

"Happens sometimes all comes with my profession Bella, do you know what I do?" I asked I know she saw the picture in the mud on my tire's magazine but did she really know what I did.

" Um… you ride motorcycles."

Emmett started laughing he knew what I was about to do. " No Bella I do not ride motorcycles." I paused waiting to see what she would do.

" But all the pictures, you were on a motorcycle, they had pictures of you jumping in the air and of you on the medals stand I don't understand."

My whole family were laughing Bella was blushing awe the girl still blushes and not only when she is turned on.

" Baby, it's called a dirtbike, a motorcycle is a road bike, like a Harley."

" Oh, and she blushed even more."

" Hey look at me." I lifted her face I could not help it I had to brush my lips against hers her little pout was too cute not to.

I released her lips " I'll give you a lesson on the proper terminology later okay." She just nodded.

" And once again the Cullen charm works like a champ, she's speechless." Rose smacked the back of Emmett's head. Think I might like this girl.

" Ow baby."

" Just sit there and look cute." Rose said.

We all just laughed. " I think I like you even more Rose." My mother gave her a high five.

" Traitor." Emmett whined.

Jasper returned he must have went to change; he was wearing jeans and a button down red and black plaid shirt. " Bella Sam just called they are just rounding the corner and about to pull onto the driveway." My palms started sweating in just a few minutes I would be meeting my daughter for the first time. I rubbed my hands on my pants.

" He said that Harper is sound asleep in her booster seat in the back, he wants to know if you want him to wake her up or do you want to come out to get her so she will stay asleep."

Fuck it she was asleep. " Oh… Um Edward what do you want to do."

" I held my hands up I don't know, what is she like when she is woken up you know her better than any one."

" She can be a bear, Jasper call Sam back tell him I'll or we'll meet him in the garage." She looked over at me. " Sorry I don't want the first time you meet each other to be when she is grouchy and cranky, she had a big day today."

" Hey don't apologize, we have the rest of our lives to see each other what is a few more hours right."

She nodded her head in understanding. She stood up and reached for my hand. " Come with me please I'll let you carry her to her room."

" Are you sure I've never held a child before Bella." I started freaking out she wanted me to carry my little girl.

" Well then good thing she is five and not a newborn then huh she's light as a feather and I trust you."

Placing my hand in hers my fingers interlacing with hers grounding me, I stood up. " Oh I'm such a bad hostess, you are more that welcome to stay here this weekend or if you have other arrangements that's fine we have plenty of room though." Bella asked my family.

" Thank you dear, we kind of jump on the plane Alice tried to find a hotel, house condo anything but they were all booked up, we would never want to impose."

" Nonsense Jasper can you show them to their rooms, good thing my father had to leave it opens up more rooms, that way you and Emmett wont have to share." Bella looked at me.

" I would not care if I had to sleep in the bathtub I would take it."

" Well that's settled lets go get our little princess, oh one word of advice if you call her baby girl she will tear into you, I like to just to make her mad."

" I'll store that piece of advice for later."

We left the room and walked out into the garage, the door started lifting I could see the headlights coming up the drive towards us.

" Ready."

" Sure." My palms were sweating, I'm pretty sure Bella could feel it on her own hands.

" Relax she's asleep, I'll get her out and hand her to you okay it will be fine. You have about 30 seconds to change you mind you know."

" Bella, I want to be a part of her life, she deserves to have a dad in her life, I just… I want to be a better father than mine was."

" Hey." Bella rested her hand on my cheek. " You already are."

The headlights shined in on us blinding me. Sam Parked the SUV and got out. " I tried to keep her awake Miss Swan I talked to her until she stop answering my questions."

" Sam how many times do I have to tell you to call me Bella, and it's fine I think its better this way she will be well rested and I can surprise her in the morning with an early Christmas gift."

Sam opened the back door and there my little angel sat sound asleep. Bella carefully extracted her from her booster seat and placed her sleeping form in my arms. I could not stop the tears from falling I was holding my little girl.

" She's so beautiful." I whispered so as not to wake her.

Bella smiled tears were shining in her eyes as well. " Come let's get her to bed." I don't know how I managed it but I started walking trying my hardest to not jostle her awake. We got into the house and started down the hall she squirmed and I froze. She stopped squirming and nuzzled into my neck falling back asleep. Phew.

Bella just giggled and kept walking. " She sleeps like the dead sometimes I hardly doubt she will wake up, the only time she does is to come into my bed then she is right back to sleep."

I followed Bella down the hall and when we turned the corner my whole family were standing there watching me with pride in their eyes. We walked down the hall to a pink room. I stood in the doorway as Bella turned on the lamp by her bed and turned down the covers she motioned for me to come in. I walked over to the side of the bed where Bella was standing.

" Can you relax your arms a little bit I just need to get her coat off."

I shook my head no.

" Edward you wont drop her I promise, just turn her a little bit trust me Rose and I have done this many times I'm a pro."

" Yeah well I'm not."

Bella reached up and pulled the zipper down on her coat she pulled the arm closest to her out of the coat, then reached for her other hand slipping it out of her other sleeve. She pulled her coat from her little body and set it down on the end of the bed. She slipped her boots off and dropped them on the floor.

" Good thing she is wearing a skirt and leggins, here lay her down and I'll slip off her skirt and take her sweater off."

I leaned over the bed and gently placed her in the middle, I did not want to let go she felt so good in my arms. I reluctantly stepped back from the bed and watched as Bella got her undressed and comfortable, she looked so natural as a mom, all my hopes and dreams I had on that train in Chicago were coming true. I wanted Bella, I wanted a life with Bella, and I wanted children with Bella. We had a long road ahead of us but the horizon was looking clearer as each minute ticked standing here with Bella.

" Sweet dreams my precious angel, mommy has a big surprise for you can't wait to share it with you baby girl." Bella pulled the covers up and tucked Harper in kissing her the bonze curls on top of her head.

" Do you want to kiss her goodnight?" Bella asked me.

I leaned over the bed smelling her sweet fragrance and kissed her on the forehead. " Night my little one, you have not met me yet but I love you so much princess." I wiped the tears away from my eyes. A picture on the nightstand caught my eye, it was a black and white picture of a little baby I knew it was my little boy I fell to my knees at the side of the bed and sobbed.

Bella walked over to the nightstand and brought the picture over to me to see. " Do you want a moment alone with the both of them." She whispered.

I grabbed her hand and squeezed I did not want to let her go I needed her strength, but I needed this and she was entrusting me to be alone with Harper. " Yeah is that okay I just need some time with my thoughts." I choked.

She kneeled down beside me. " Take all the time you need, I'll just check on your family, if I'm not in the kitchen, I'll probably be in my room, just come back this way it's the third one on the right. When your done just leave the lamp on and close the door a crack"

I nodded. " He looks just like you."

" Think he would have had brown eye's they were so dark. A group that takes pictures for families that have children in the hospital took that picture and for the families that lose their babies. They were already at the hospital when Lucas spiked the fever, they were taking pictures of another heart baby that had had a transplant and her body was rejecting it, she was eight months old she had passed away right before the nurses allowed me to hold him. The nurses allowed us to take off all his wiring and tubes. That shot right there was when he took his last breath." She took a deep breath. " When your ready I'll show you more pictures of them both, I even have a video if you want to watch it." She stood up off her knees. And walked to the door.

" Thank you."

She stopped at the door opening. " For what."

" For everything, for carrying them, for bringing them into the world, for being so strong, for just being."

" Your welcome." And just like that I was left alone with my little girl sleeping soundly in the bed and the picture of my little boy resting in my lap.

I starred at the picture, tracing his little cheeks with my fingers. More tears fell. " My little man I don't know if you can hear me or not but oh how I wish I could have been there with you and mommy. I'm sorry that I never got to meet you, but I want you to know I would have loved you so so much. I love you so so much little guy."

I wiped the tears off my face. " Lucas I promise you that I will watch over your sister Harper, and I will take care of your mommy, I'm not going to go anywhere buddy okay." I closed my eye's and just sat there listening to the quiet breaths of my little angel in the bed above me, her breathing reassured me that she was alive and within my reach. I don't know how long I sat there but I felt soft warm fingers graze mine, I opened my eyes to see Alice sitting beside me.

" She's beautiful Edward."

" Yes she is."

" Is that." She pointed to the picture lying in my lap

" Yes, this is Lucas, Bella said this is right before he took his last breath, look at his eyes so bright, God it's killing me Alice how… how do I go on knowing he's dead and I did not have the chance to meet him." I whispered not wanting to wake up Harper.

" I don't know Edward he's not my son, but he is a part of this family and it breaks my heart. You have a beautiful little girl who wants to know her daddy, and you have a beautiful, strong women who needs you just as much as you need her Edward love them both let them love you back." She pulled me to a standing position. " We should let her get a goodnights sleep, big day tomorrow, are you ready?"

" I'm ready to be whatever they both need me to be, if that is just a father and a friend that will be enough for me."

" I don't think you will have to worry about that." She leaned down and kissed my little girl on the cheek. " I'll leave you to say goodnight."

" Thank you Alice, you always seem to know when I need to talk."

" Your welcome, and I told you so."

" Told me what." I kissed Harper and walked with Alice out of the room.

" That you were going to find love soon, oh and Bella is in her room she said for you to just go to her room."

I nodded and walked down the opposite way Alice was walking, I counted three doors, Bella was laying on her stomach on her bed with her lap top, she was still in her jeans and her T-shirt from earlier. I could not help but notice the curve of her ass. I felt my pants get tighter in the crotch.

Dumb ass your not some horny teenage boy. I cleared my throat. Bella looked up and shut her laptop. " Sorry am I interrupting anything." I asked leaning on the doorframe, not knowing if I should enter her room or not.

" Come in, no just catching up on some work." She sat up and patted the bed for me to sit down. " Do you want to see the pictures, or just talk."

I know if I stay in her room I highly doubt we will be looking at pictures. Especially with the way she is looking in those jeans. Jeans that I would not mind peeling off her right now. I need to take things slowly this time around. So as badly as I would like to stay in her room I can't risk it, there is so much more at stake this time around.

" Actually I'm kind of tired." I should not be lying to her. " I really should have taken some pain medicine by now but it's weird I'm not feeling any kind of pain, I don't know if it's the high I am on or what."

" Oh… so how did you crash."

" Um I misjudged my speed on a jump and lost control of the bike."

" Did it hurt… wait that was a dumb question."

I chuckled. " It's not dumb yeah I was out of it for a few minutes."

" I'm sorry." She got up and set her laptop down on the side table by the bed.

" Well I guess I'll show you were you will be sleeping." She walked to the door waiting on me

" Yeah…. Okay." I stood up. I grabbed her hand placing soft, tender kisses across her knuckles. She sighed. " I want to do this right this time around, I thought I lost you and now I have you back, I want this to work Bella for all three of us."

I looked into her eyes pleading with her to understand. " Edward, I want that too, so much when my memory came back to me I would dream about you and my heart ached like there was this gaping hole." She paused and took a breath turning away from me. She turned back around and looked up into my eyes biting her lip, I reached out and released that luscious pink flesh from its torture from her teeth. I wanted to just stand there and kiss her all night.

" You had my heart, I've never given it to anyone else. Seeing the picture of you knowing you were real and so close I felt the pieces coming back together. I have to tell you I was so afraid that you would be so angry and would want nothing to do with me or Harper, that fear kept me from calling you that night. Rose was so mad at me but she risked her relationship with Emmett for me. She knew that I needed to call you when I was ready, she just pushed me in the right direction."

" Well I'm glad she did."

" Me too." She led me out the door and down to doors to where I would be staying " Jasper put your suitcase in here for you hope that's okay. I thought you would want to be close to Harper so Emmett took the guest room downstairs with the two twin beds, I have a feeling the reason why he took it was because Rose is down there, I highly doubt he'll be sleeping in his room." She started laughing.

" You are probably spot on with that comment beautiful." I caressed her cheek, she was more beautiful then I remember her being.

" Well goodnight Edward, I set my alarm for six I want to be up before Harper gets up if you want I can come wake you up, I am hoping she follows her routine so I can wake her up and bring her out to the family room. I talked to your parents, they said that you should be the first one to meet her and they don't want to overwhelm her. So can you meet me out by the Christmas tree by 7:30."

" I'll set my alarm on my phone, I'll be there love."

She just nodded and turned to walk out of the room. " Sweet Dreams Bella."

" Sweet dreams Edward."

I opened my suitcase pulling out my basketball shorts and my white v-neck shirt. I usually sleep in the buff but I don't think that would be a good idea considering there is a five-year-old one door down and the love of my existence a few doors down as well. I walked into the ensuite I turned the shower on and peeled off my clothes looking in the mirror there were red circles around my eyes from all the crying I did, I really looked like hell.

I slipped under the hot stream of water, it felt like washing all the bad away, a new start. I was given a second chance and I was going to do everything in my power to not screw it up this time. Alice is right I have a beautiful daughter and a beautiful woman who both need me. I slipped out of the shower drying off I put on my clothes and slipped under the covers. I set the alarm on my phone for six I closed my eyes willing sleep to come but it never did.

* * *

A/N: hope you liked it whats next for these two can they make it work? how will Harper take the news? do you think she'll take to Edward, will they be one big happy family? guess you'll just have to keep reading this little story of mine to find out.


	12. Chapter 11 a night to remember

A/N: Music really helps me to write and so lately I have been listening to a lot of David grey, Matt Nathanson and Matt Kearney some of the the songs that really hit me:

David Grey: This year's love, You're the world to me

Matt Nathanson: come on get higher and car crash

Matt Kearney: closer to love, ships in the night

I hope you guys like this chapter it's a little shorter then the other chapters but it needed to stop where I ended it.

Lyrics in this chapter are the property of their owners as is the characters of Edward and Bella I'm just playing in my little world with them

* * *

so many years,

can leave behind,

regretfully until its time,

to realize that moment

when your turn around,

I'm coming home to breath again, to start again.

I'm coming home from all the places I have been.

with nothing but a voice within

that calls me

calls me home

Shannon Labrie

Calls me home

Having to walk out of the guest room and leave Edward was pure torture, when he walked into the house I thought I would die, my dream Edward was nothing in comparison to the real deal, when he walked into the family room I felt an instant pull towards him.

I touched my fingers to my lips remembering where they were just a few short hours before now. I still can't believe I went and kissed him like I did out in the driveway. He was questioning me about Jasper and I just needed to let him know there had been no one else in my life. Believe me Rose tried hard to get me to go out, she would set me up with what she considered good guys, but the dates were always boring. I did most of the talking, which always led to me telling them about Harper making them uncomfortable. The dates would always end with them saying I'll call you again sometime but those sometimes never came. Eventually I gave up and decided I would rather spend my Friday and Saturday nights watching Disney movies with Harper, she was much better company and I always ended up getting a kiss goodnight and a bear hug, how could you pass that up.

Grabbing my yoga pants and my cream thermal shirt off the lounge chair I make my way into the bathroom to run through my nightly routine of brushing my teeth and washing and applying moisturizer to my face. Wouldn't want to get wrinkles or suffer the wrath of Rose. I made the mistake once of telling her that I would put Harper to bed and just climb into mine not bothering to wash the dirt off my pores she was at my house the next night basket in hand with all sorts of cleaners and cream's.

With my face all clean I head out into my room, stopping in front of the French doors to watch the new falling snow. Huge white flakes hit the balcony landing on the already few feet that have fallen over the last few days. Deciding against my better judgement I open the doors, the cool breeze instantly chilling me to the bone. I reach my hand out through the doors catching a snowflake on my hand, slowly to not drop it I bring it in through the doors to inspect the beautiful white crystal in my hand. I notice how the light from the fireplace makes it shimmer, and that is has a very delicate points. It melts the instant my hands get closer to the hearth and soon its nothing but a small drop of water in my hand. Reaching out through the doors again I catch another one, this snowflake has a different design then the first one, no delicate points, this one is round and comes together in the middle with three straight lines like a spiders web. I brought it by the fire and once again it melted into water just like the first one.

Closing the doors I slide down and sit on the floor starring out into the night. The lit fireplace warming the room back up from the cold breeze that had blown into the room. My mind is a jumble mess of thoughts. I'm blown away with how I am feeling concerning Edward, my body craves him, my heart feel's whole again but my mind is telling me to be cautious, take your time it's telling me. I don't want to listen to it, but I need to think about Harper, she is going to be so happy that Edward is here, but how confused is she going to be? How much do we tell her? I'm worried about how she is going to react; will they take to each other? And what about the rest of the family I hope she will be okay getting to know a whole set of new people? Will this overwhelm her? She's only five how much can she take? I'm glad she will be getting a real true grandma and grandpa, I know she has Charlie but he's never around she sees him about one week out of the year and It's my biggest beef and a constant fight Charlie and I have. I just wish he could put a little more effort in taking time for us.

I just hope Edward is not lying and wants to be a part of Harper's and my life, I don't know think I could handle watching him walk out on us.

" I know what you are thinking, but there is no way I could ever walk away now, not after holding that precious angel in my arms, it would not matter if she was a demon child I would be here. I love her too much already."

I look away from the snow to a Greek God standing in my doorway wearing a pair of gray basketball shorts and a white v-neck T-shirt I notice the chest hair poking out from the v in his shirt just asking for my fingers to play with it. Good lord I think I just wet myself, if I knew he was going to be standing in my doorway looking amazingly hot as fuck I would have put on the defcon panties.

" Hi." I say ashamed that I'm leaking in the nether regions as my daughter's father stands at my door.

" Hi yourself, nice blush by the way." He chuckles and pushes himself off the door jam. " Is it okay if I come in." He asks as he stands there starring at me waiting for me answer.

" Yeah… Um… sure." I stand up folding my arms over my chest hoping to god the fire warmed me up enough that I'm not sporting any RT at the moment, but just in case I don't want Edward seeing it if its there. Its embarrassing enough to be standing here with no bra on in a flimsy shirt and some yoga pants, not my best look that's for sure.

" You have nothing to be embarrassed about, you look beautiful Bella." He was standing in front of me now, whispering in my ear. Trying to pry my arms away from my chest.

I plopped down on the chaise lounge grabbing the blanket and covering myself, Edward sat down right next to me. " Couldn't sleep?" I asked since it was one in the morning and here I was wide-awake also.

" Not really, I had to check on her, you know make sure she was still breathing."

" I use to do that every night especially at first, the last few months she has been coming into my bed around this time, I usually get a foot or elbow to the back its great confirmation the princess is alive and well." We both laughed.

" Does she have nightmares?" Edward asked.

" Yes and no… I think a lot of it has to do with the girls in her class at school." I looked down ashamed, like it was my fault this was happening."

" What do you mean?" by the sound of Edward's tone I knew I needed to tell him what was going on, he was not going to like it."

"Just some of the girls wont play with Harper at recess or let her join them in their club, they wont even invite her to play or parties."

" And why? What are you not telling me Bella."

I got up and shut the door just incase Edward blew a gasket, I wouldn't want Harper to wake up to us yelling at each other.

" I've tried everything, talking to the principal, the girls mom's, the counselors at the school but Edward these girls are pure evil."

" Bella why, just fucking tell me why."

Edward was up pacing now.

"They won't let her play with them because she doesn't have a daddy."

" What!" he yelled I was grateful that I closed the door. " They are like five years old what the hell have these parents been teaching their kids."

" I know Edward look I really have tried everything, short of pulling her out and home schooling her, there really is nothing else I can do until next year when I'm putting her in private school."

" Pull her out and home school then, she does not deserve to be treated like that, and why would you subject her to that Bella?"

" Are you questioning how I parent." I knew this would happen.

He sat back down and sighed. " Sorry that's not what I meant."

" Sure sounded like it."

" Look sorry, it's just…. Ugh… I want to rip their pretty little heads off… sorry that was uncalled for."

" No trust me, I've dreamt about doing that, then turning around and doing the same to the moms." I laughed cause really I've pictured it so many times in my head its pretty comical, the ugly little blondes and brunettes head lying on the floor of the classroom, their mothers over styled hairdo's lying next to them.

" Its just I don't want to just pull her out she really is doing so well in school despite this hiccup, and she has a couple friends that she really likes its just this one little group of evil mongers."

" Well maybe now that I will be around things will change and she can be part of their group, if not then I maybe I should pay a visit to the school."

I know he said he was ready but really how ready is he to be a father. " Are you sure you are ready for this next chapter, cause I'm giving you a fair warning the weeknight's are pretty boring as are the weekends, most nights its just homework, dinner, bath and if there is time a movie then bed. Where I go Harper goes, so if we go out to eat it's to pizza places, or burger Joints, no fancy swanky restaurants…. Not that she misbehaves its just picky little eater's make it impossible to go to places like that if you know what I mean." I need him to understand that having a child changes everything about your life, its not just pick up and go anymore.

Edward was looking at me like I grew a second head. " No Bella I don't know…. But I would like to be given the chance to experience it."

I pushed the blanket off me and stood up and started pacing. After seeing all those pictures of him the ones where he was walking out of some bar or night club with a blonde wrapped in his arms leads me to believe he has no clue how much his life is about to change.

" I just want to make sure you understand Edward… I mean I'm not going to stop you from going out, and having fun… It's just that I don't do those kind of things and just want you to know what a typical night is like with a five year old."

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me down next to him on the chaise. " Bella look at Me." he pulled my chin towards him, I looked up into his stunning green eyes.

Edward smiled that crooked smile, the one that makes you melt like a Hershey kiss that has just been placed in the middle of a warm peanut butter cookie. Why am I thinking about cookies right now?

" Hey, I know that I have been a playboy." How does he always know what I am thinking?

"Not my words my sisters, but look for the longest time after I thought you were dead." He stopped, and brushed his fingers across my cheek, sending shivers through out my body.

I sat quietly waiting for him to continue. " The only women I looked at were my mom and sister, anytime I saw someone with brown eyes or hair I would double over in pain."

" Is that why you only date blondes." I whispered. I could see him cringe.

" Bella look, my past is just that its past, I want to move forward, I want to make this work, I lost you once I am not going to do it again, I cant loose you it will kill me."

Tears were streaming down my face. I just nodded. I had no words.

" Please don't cry, I know I was not faithful to you and I hate myself for just throwing our love away like that and I will do anything to make that up to you."

" God Edward you thought I was dead, and If I was…. I would have wanted you to move on, be happy, it's just I'm not like those girls you know the ones you went out with."

" You are right, your not like those other girls." My heart sank.

He grabbed my hand " Bella, you are better than any one of those girls and you are the mother of my children that holds a candle over anyone of those skanks any day my love.

Hearing him call me his love made my heart swell, but what if he realizes I'm not what he wants, that what he really wants is someone that can just pick up and go out to bars and night clubs.

" You'll get bored." I whispered.

" Why are you so afraid?" He pleaded with me.

I stood up and went over to the French doors, the snow had stop falling and with the full moon it was a beautiful winter wonderland outside. I felt Edward behind me; he put his arms around me. " That's a beautiful site, I have not seen snow like that since I left Chicago. His lips ghosted over my ear. God why am I putty in this mans arms?

" I just don't want you to be disappointed."

" Bella can I be the one to decide that please. Just let me in, let me love you god knows you deserve it after everything you have been through, all this time doing everything on your own, you have me now you cant scare me off beautiful." He spun me around in his arms. " Please." He pleaded.

I closed my eyes; I can't deny my body's reaction to this man anymore it's like a slow fire burn and it feels oh so good to be wrapped up in his arms. I could feel the last pieces of my broken heart fall into place, he made me whole. All I could do was nod my head as I tucked it under his chin; I wrapped my arms around his waist and breathed in his delicious scent.

I don't know how long we were standing in front of the doors wrapped up in each other's arms, Edward moved us back over by the fireplace and sat us down on the chair.

" I could feel you shivering, are you cold baby." He grabbed the blanket and placed it over me.

" Yeah, thank you." I lied. I was perfectly fine in his arms, don't really want him knowing how much he was effecting my body though.

" Can I ask you something Bella?" His fingers were playing with the edge of the blanket.

" Of course you can ask me anything Edward." I crossed my legs and sat up straighter. Waiting on him to ask me what he wanted to know.

" Why did you mom leave your dad?"

That's not what I expected him to ask. Questions about Harper, maybe Lucas but not this.

" You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

" It's not that I just thought maybe you were going to ask about Harper or Lucas, it just caught me off guard that's all."

" I have a million questions about my kids Bella, I just want to know why your mom left your dad. I know little about your father other than he was after my father for the crimes he committed and now I know he lied to me about you to try and keep you away from me, why?

" My mother wrote me a letter and asked that I not read it till her ashes were scattered. Charlie gave it to me in the hospital the day they were releasing me, in the letter she said that she felt trapped in the small town she had grown up in. My father on the other hand was perfectly content there and did not want to leave, when my mother found out she was pregnant she knew she had to leave. She thought she was doing me a favor by getting out of Forks in the long run she said she regretted not telling my father about me."

" I just don't understand why he would keep me away Bella, I just cant wrap my head around it, I think what hurts the most about this whole situation is that he was not given the chance with you and he took that chance away from me."

" I know, I can't give you those answers Edward, Charlie will have to give them to you and I know that's not what you want to hear but it's the best I can do."

" So where do you and Harper live." Edward must have sensed my discomfort with the conversation.

" Changing topics huh."

He just shrugged his shoulders.

" We live in Bel air, on Stone canyon drive, You."

" Like to slum it with the rich huh." He raised his eyebrows at me.

" No... I just found a wonderful home and I liked the school district."

" Sure whatever you say."

" Where do you live in LA?"

Edward looked like a deer caught in the headlights. " Holmby hills." He whispered.

"What was that I couldn't hear you."

" Holmby hills." He smiled.

Arrogant bastard calling me out on living in Bel air. " Oh really mister I live with Hugh Hefner and Aaron Spelling."

" Ok for starters Aaron Spelling is dead, and secondly I do not live in the Playboy mansion." He laughed.

" You are an ass." I playfully shoved him in the chest. " You know what I mean, you rip on me for living in snobby Bel air and yet come to find out you live in the Platinum triangle yourself."

" I'm wounded. You called me an ass."

" Oh get over it." We both chuckled.

I yawned; I really needed some sleep if I was going to be able to function tomorrow and cook Christmas Eve dinner.

" Shit Bella what time is it? Edward asked. I got up and walked over to the nightstand picking up my phone to check the time.

" God it's two thirty." I plopped down on the bed yawning again.

" I'll let you get some sleep, big day tomorrow huh." Edward walked to the door. " Guess I'll see you in a few hours." He had his hand on the doorknob ready to open the door.

" Stay." I whispered. Oh my, did I just say that.

" I can't, I mean Harper could come in and how would we explain that, I…. Bella what are you asking."

My Body was saying stay my mind was agreeing with Edward what about Harper. " Stay, she probably wont come in, like I said earlier she usually is in here by now, think snowboarding today wore her out." Looks like my body won.

" Are you sure." He asked again.

" Very." I pulled down the covers and climbed in patting the bed next to me.

" God I have dreamt what I would be like to wake up with you next to me for the last five years, are you saying I finally get to have this dream come true." Edward stood by the side of the bed.

" Yes Edward, now get your ass under the covers I need my beauty sleep."

" Yes ma'am." Edward saluted me and climbed into bed.

I flipped off the lights and pulled the covers over me. " Goodnight Edward."

" Goodnight beautiful, can I try one thing."

I nodded.

" Um was that a yes."

" God yes Edward."

" Okay." He leaned in and placed his soft lips on mine giving me one of the shortest but sweetest kisses ever.

" Sweet dreams my love."

Edward rolled over to his side and just like that he was softly snoring, I lay awake listening to his deep breathing until my eyes finally succumbed to sleep.

The insistent beeping of an alarm woke me up, but I could not move to turn it off, I was being weighed down by something heavy, and warm. The first thing I notice when I get my eyes to open is the faint outline of a black dragon on a pale shoulder my eyes roam further down and I notice the pale skin of the side of a mans chest and hip. Right away my mind floods with memories of asking Edward to stay the night but when he got in my bed he was wearing a T-shirt, what the hell did we do last night. I check myself out, I'm fully clothed phew and other than feeling tingly down there from seeing Edward wrapped all over me I don't think we did anything other than sleep. I try and lift his arm to no avail so that I can twist to shut off the alarm.

" Edward." I whisper trying to get him to wake up. It doesn't work.

I shake him. " Edward wake up I need to turn off the alarm."

" Mmmmm Bella." He grabs on to me tighter."

This calls for drastic measures; I lick my finger and put it in his ear. Yes girls I just gave Edward Cullen a wet wily get over it. But I needed him off me stat; my bladder was about to explode.

" What the fuck." Edward sat straight up in bed. " Did you just do what I think you did." he wiped at hie ear.

" Yeah sorry you wouldn't wake up and I needed to turn off the alarm on my phone, you kind of had me pinned to the bed."

" Oh sorry, Pay back's a bitch you know."

Edward was in my bed looking like he just woke up having the best sex of his life. Seeing his tattoos in a print ad were one thing, seeing them in person was causing Niagara Falls in my yoga pants. I needed to get out of this bed fast before I embarrass myself. I just smiled at him hoping that I could pull of a sexy smirk. I grabbed my phone and turned off the alarm and climbed out of bed.

" Where do you think you are going?"

" Need a shower and I really need to pee. Nice tats by the way." I sashayed my way into the bathroom shutting the door behind me leaving a very sexy man in my bed. I grabbed onto the counter to keep my knees from buckling. That sexy ass man is going to be the death of me, but oh what a way to go, death by Edward Cullen.

I heard a knock on the door. " Good morning to you too sunshine."

" Morning rockstar I'll be in the kitchen in thirty minutes are you going to join me."

" You bet that sweet ass of yours, have a nice shower beautiful." I heard him chuckle and close the bedroom door.

I let go of the counter and turned on the shower, taking care of business while the water warmed up, slipping under the hot water I closed my eyes. I think that was the best three and half-hours of sleep I have ever gotten.

I turned off the shower and dried off; I slipped on my black skinny jeans and threw on a white long sleeve shirt. I pulled my red cable nit cardigan on and threw my hair up into a braid. I put on a little bit of mascara and lip gloss and sat down on the bed to slip on some black ankle socks. Taking a deep breath I got up off the bed and headed out of the room.

Here goes nothing.

* * *

A/N: well what did you think? next chapter will be Bella's POV again and Edward finally meets his daughter


	13. Chapter 12 meeting her daddy

A/N: so here we go the start of something beautiful I hope

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns twilight but this Daddyward belongs to me and I will try and not let you down with the epic hottness that only Edward as a father can bring.

* * *

I could not stop my legs from shaking, what a way to wake up, wrapped up in Edward's warm arms his naked torso up against me. His body heat was like being wrapped up in an electric blanket and I welcomed every minute of it. I knew both he and I wanted to take things slowly but it was going to be torture. I defiantly felt the effects of his morning wood against my thigh and it ignited something in me that had been buried along those train tracks and had yet to resurface until last night. Now don't get me wrong I knew how to get myself off thanks to Rose and her introduction to a little thing called the hummingbird or, as we like to call it the perfect boyfriend. But like Rose always says, "it's only a replacement for the real thing when there is not a good dick in sight."

I cracked another egg and poured the yoke and whites into the kitchen aide, I needed to get the sugar cookie dough together and into the fridge to chill, it was Harper's and my tradition to make sugar cookies on Christmas eve to leave out for Santa. Another tradition was a crepe breakfast with strawberry glaze and a white chocolate sauce drizzled on top, bacon and hashbrowns on the side Harper's favorite, once I get the cookie dough done the egg and flour mixture for the crepe's would be next.

The cookie dough was mixing in the kitchen aid, luckily most of the ingredients for the crepes were already out on the counter. I just needed the pan. I had called and given Sue the plans for the meals for the week and she made sure the necessary pots and pans were here to use. I bent down to the bottom cabinet where Sue had said the crepe pan would be and rummaged around.

" Morning." I jumped and hit my head on the counter.

" Shit that's going to leave a mark." I stood looking into the eyes of Edward's mother Esme. " Sorry about the language." I could feel my face going up in flames from embarrassment, don't want Harper's grandmother thinking I teach her bad language.

" No need to apologize I was the one that scared you, so sorry for that." She yawned and rubbed her eyes, short of looking like she had just woken up she looked perfect in a pair of skinny kaki's and a chambray shirt she paired that with a thin brown belt around her waist and some navy blue ballet flats. She was perfection standing there in the kitchen and I felt homely standing across the counter from her.

" You want a cup of coffee, we have a plethora of flavors." I asked turning my back away from her and walking over the coffee maker.

" Oh god that sounds heavenly, I don't think I slept a wink last night Carlisle had to drag me to bed five times I was up pacing all night."

" Well come and pick your poison I'm a French vanilla kind of gal." I pulled open the cabinet that housed the coffee blends.

" Maybe I will try a French Vanilla that sounds pretty nice on a snowy Christmas morning."

I grabbed my favorite Gloria Jeans French vanilla and stuck it in the Keurig coffee maker and grabbed a white mug out of the cabinet.

" We need one of those, hate throwing away so much coffee. Carlisle is the only one that usually drinks it but after last night I defiantly need a cup."

The coffee was finished brewing and I handed her the cup. " Thank you Bella."

Why did I feel that was for more than the coffee?

" God that coffee smells so good." Alice came into the kitchen rubbing her eyes followed by a very grumpy looking Rose in her light blue silk Robe. She had her glasses on which tells me she was too tired to even realize she was wearing them and it shocked the hell out of me Rose never lets anyone see her in her glasses. I caught her once in them one morning when I had brought her some Gatorade when she had the stomach flu, she told me if I ever tell anyone she would ram a stick so far up my ass I would not be able get it out. I asked why she just didn't just get lasik done she screeched and said she was so afraid they would laser her eyeball right off she could never go through with it I just laughed fierce Rose afraid of a little laser.

I gave Rose a pointed look letting her know I knew she had slept with Emmett last night. " You're wrong, I did nothing of the sort." She flipped her perfect blonde hair over her shoulder. She walked over to the coffee maker pulling out her praline pecan pack she put it in the coffee maker and grabbed a mug out for her and Alice. " Pick you flavor girl, god knows we are going to need the caffeine today." They both giggled.

Alice let out a huge squeal. " Oh my God you have a coffee flavor called jazzed up this is so perfect."

I mouthed what's that about to Rose.

" Tell you later sweets right now I need to savor this awesomeness in this here cup of mine." She plopped herself down on a barstool.

Alice grabbed her cup and plopped down next to Rose, Esme and I were standing on the other side of the island.

" So what are you making this morning." Esme peered into the kitchen aid.

" It's a tradition I started a few years ago with Harper, Christmas Eve morning starts with crepes and then after we have cleaned that mess up we make another one making sugar cookies. That's what's in the mixer right now I need to get the dough in the fridge to set up so we can roll them out later."

I set my mug down and grabbed the dough out of the bowl and rolled it into a big ball, covered it saran wrap and put it in the fridge. I grabbed the bowl and stuck it in the sink.

" So Rose." I started as I grabbed the red mixing bowl for the crepe batter off the counter. " If you were not up all night banging Dr. Cullen what were you doing." I smiled waiting on her response.

She choked on her coffee. " God you make that sound like I was banging the old man."

" Who's calling me old." Carlisle walked into the kitchen.

" You better not be banging my dad." Emmett walked in behind Carlisle; Rose grabbed her glasses and started pulling them off.

" Leave them on babe, had my parents and sister not been in this room I would have bent you over this counter and taken you to places you never dreamed of and fulfilled one of my all time fantasies." He planted a kiss on her lips.

" Emmett please your father and I are standing right here, I don't want to know what sick little fantasies you have up there in that big noggin you call a head." She smacked him on the back of his big head

" Ouch Ma, can you honestly stand there and say you did not try and ride dad's discostick last night, come on don't be bashful." Emmett smirked, Esme blushed, Carlisle was looking smug and knocked knuckles with Emmett, Alice and Rose were both bent over laughing and was standing there with my mouth hanging open.

" For the love of god, please stop talking about our parents having sex its gross." Edward was leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen looking all kinds of sexy, he had a black zip up hoodie that said fox racing on and a pair of light denim jeans that were hanging low on his hips.

" Morning." I mumbled, and went back to mixing up the crepe batter trying hard to not blush.

" Come on Edward, what is it with this younger generation thinking we don't have sex, I mean you guys did not invent it and plus we were having sex way before you guys were born so get over it already." Esme took a sip of her coffee. " Oh and Edward I saw you coming out of Bella's room this morning so I don't want to hear anything out of your mouth young man." Edward stood there gaping at his mother and I made an escape to the walk in pantry pretending I needed something in there.

" Busted." Emmett's booming voice had me turning red from embarrassment so glad I made an escape.

" Mom did you ever know that you're my hero and everything I would like to be." Emmett tried to sing.

" Emmett." I raised my voice so he could here me in the pantry.

" Yes Bellabee."

Nice he was already nicknaming me. " Who sings that song?" I asked trying to play like I was oblivious as to whom sings it.

" I think it was Bette Middler why?" Emmett

" Maybe you should let her sing it from now on." My little remark had everyone except Emmett laughing.

" God that's my girl not afraid to take on the big stupid Ogre." Did I just heat him right did Edward just say his girl.

I came out of the Pantry and everyone was smiling at me. " What?" I said and set the bar of white chocolate down on the counter.

" Nothing." They all said and acted like nothing happened Edward was standing over at the coffeepot looking at it like it was going to bite him.

" The packets are up in the cabinet above you, you just stick it in and ta da coffee." I said as I walked over to help him.

" Morning beautiful, welcome to my crazy ass family." He whispered in my ear as I opened the cabinet for him.

" They are great it was a nice change than talking to a five year old all morning don't get me wrong I love her to death but having to talk about what Disney princess is the best and the newest littlest pet shop toys she wants gets kind of old. Its nice to interact with adults every once in a while."

" Well maybe she can talk my ear off today and you can have a break." He placed his lips near my ears and I felt like I was going fall over, his wonderful scent enveloped me.

" Think I'll take you up on that offer." I got his coffee ready for him and handed him the mug.

" Speaking of little five year olds I think I need to wake up sleeping beauty, if I don't she will be up all night and I still have a ton of wrapping to do when she goes down for bed tonight."

" Ooh a wrapping party can I help I love to wrap presents." Alice was jumping up and down.

" Of course you can, I need all the help I can get, I'm pretty sure I have all of Charlie's presents to wrap as well."

" Speaking of presents Bella, I know this was sprung on us last minute and we are totally fine with that but a little birdy told me last night that Harper really wanted the newest littlest pet shop house and some walkable pets to go with it. Rose said she was afraid to ask you cause you said you were ready to throw them away." Alice was rocking from one foot to the other.

" Okay first off I would never throw away her toys it was said in the heat of passion, those little animals are evil with their big heads and little bodies they hurt like hell when you step on them barefoot almost as bad as Lego's."

" Oh my god I know huh, I walked into Emmett's room when he was like 9 it was dark and I stepped on a whole pile of Lego's. I think I flew the F bomb a few times and then picked up the offending Lego's and threw them against the wall."

" That was you, you said the dog ruined my Lego castle I spent so long on that." Emmett was pouting " I cant believe you lied to me, you are no longer my hero." He crossed his arms over his chest.

" Trust me Emmett when you knock up goldilocks over there with your sperm you will learn that sometimes you just have to lie to your kids." I patted him on the shoulders. Emmet's jaw dropped and I just smirked.

" Anyway I was hoping we could go out and get those for Harper today, Rose and I were up all night and we found one here at the general store, we just wanted to give Harper something from us. I know it's not much but we will make up all the Christmas's and birthday we have missed once we get home and I can do some proper shopping." Alice said, so that's why they looked so wiped out.

" How much did you have to pay big Al to come in on Christmas Eve and hold it for you? " I asked Rose. Al was a family friend.

Rose was looking sheepish. "I told him I would let him advertise in the next few magazines for free."

" You what, Rose seriously for a twenty dollar toy, you get thousands of dollars for those ads." I shook my head.

" Bella, I kind of made her don't get be mad at her please."

" It's fine Alice I'm not mad at her, but you guys just being here is the best present she could ever get, thank you for caring about her that much."

" Of course, how could we not she is part of our family Bella, and so are you." Esme came over and hugged me.

" Okay I really need to go wake her up." I turned towards Edward, do you mind waiting by the tree, I'm going to break tradition and let her unwrap a present this morning instead of tonight."

He nodded his head. " Okay give me about fifteen minutes, if the rest of you want you can wait in the kitchen and then I'll introduce you after she meets Edward."

" That's fine dear do you need any help in here with breakfast?" Esme asked.

" Um yeah you guys can start the bacon and hashbrowns, Rose can show you where everything is."

" You okay?" Edward asked

" Nervous as hell but yeah I think I'll be okay." He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

" I need her just as much as I need you, I'm not going to go anywhere, I'll be by the tree waiting for both of my girls."

I gasped and he pulled me into his arms and gave me a hug. That's the second time this morning he has referred to me as his girl. Wonder if he even knows he's saying it.

" Bella I know once again we are or I should say I am moving things along fast but, you have been my girl since I touched you in that train station. There has been no one else to stake that claim, I know I have done things that I am very ashamed of, I hate myself for all the mistakes that I have made but I want this to work, I want you in my life. I know there is so much we need to talk about but."

I rose up on my tiptoes and placed my lips against the soft warmth of his mouth. After 3 short pecks and a few moans from the both of us I pulled back. " Shh, yes we need to talk… but Edward even before when I was dreaming of you in my sleep I felt this electric connection to you. When you walked in the door last night it was there again pulling me to you, last night sleeping by your side I felt so alive. In your arms is where I want to be. Right now its just me you and Harper okay lets just focus on that okay."

He kissed the top of my head. " Go get my girl I can't wait any longer." He released me but kept a hold of my hands giving them a reassuring squeeze.

" Okay." I slipped my hands out of his and slowly walked down the hall towards Harper's room. Pausing in the doorway my heart was beating out of my chest. I don't know why I was so nervous its everything she has asked for and I know she will be excited and happy. Taking a deep breath I slipped into her bed and played with her hair curling it around my fingers and kissed the top of her cute little forehead.

" Morning baby girl time to wake up." I whispered in her ear, she stirred and her little eyelids fluttered open and then staring back at me were the same eyes I was looking into in the family room. Those beautiful green eyes she inherited from her daddy. It took all my will power not to break down and cry. I needed to pull my shit together for the sake of not giving anything away.

" Morning mommy." She wrapped her arms around my neck and proceeded to give me one of her signature bear hugs cutting off my oxygen supply.

I squeezed her back. " Okay little one mommy cant breath." I gasped out and the most wonderful sound pierced my ears, her little giggle, oh how I love hearing my child laugh. I'm hoping we have more of that today.

" So my princess today's special do you know why?" I asked. Knowing her answer before she said it.

She nodded her cute little head; her curls bouncing up and down like a slinky. " Santa comes tonight right."

" That's right." I scooped her off the bed and into my arms. " What else happens today remember traditions princess, can you think of one."

" Sugar cookies, we make sugar cookies." She said as she played with my locket around my neck.

" That's right. The dough is chilling in the fridge right now, what else can you think of another one." I walk us into the bathroom and set her down so she could take care of her business.

She pushed her little tights down and plopped on the potty, I walked into the closet and pulled out some jeans, her red cable knit sweater and black turtleneck, I placed them on the counter and waited for her to answer.

" I thought of one mommy." She said as she flushed the toilet and started getting dressed. " We have yummy strawberry crepes for breakfast."

" Yes we do." I help her get the turtleneck over her head, and handed her the sweater she pulled it on then her jeans. She climbed up on the stool and I proceeded to brush out her hair. " Ponytail or braid " I asked her.

" How about both can you do that mommy, you know how all the girls have the braid on the side that goes into the ponytail. Can you put a red ribbon in my hair."

" Let me see what I can do okay. While I'm doing you hair think of some more traditions." I grabbed the squirt bottle and started a French braid at the top of her head."

" Oh I got another one mommy we have a yummy dinner of ham and cheesy potatoes and then your bestest apple pie for desert."

" Okay little one bestest is not a word but yes we do have all of that yummy food." I got the braid done and asked her to hold onto it for me as I got the rest of her hair up in the ponytail adding the braid.

" Oh mommy its beautiful thank you." She jumped off the stool and into my arms.

" Okay we need to add the ribbon." I placed her back onto the stool and grabbed a ribbon out of the drawer wrapping it around the elastic in her hair and tying it into a perfect bow. " All done, go grab some socks and your slippers okay." I swatted her cute little bum.

" Mommy I thought of another tradition." She called from the closet.

" What's that angel." I grabbed the brush and squirt bottle and placed them back in the drawer and wiped down the counter.

She came out of the closet holding her black fuzzy slippers." Can you help me mommy I can't get my sock on right." I scooped her up and set her on the counter, the girl and her socks if the line at the toe is not just right she has a meltdown.

" All you need to do is grab the heel baby and twist." I showed her how to fix her socks. I placed her black slipper on her feet. " So what was the tradition you thought of?" I asked her hoping it was the one I wanted her to remember.

" I get to open a present tonight, right."

Okay here we go I was going to break tradition Edward was waiting for us, a present she gets to have early. " Well usually that is what we do angel but today I thought we might break that tradition and let you open up one this morning before breakfast, would you like to do that?"

Her little eyes bugged out of her head, and she nodded her head, she clapped her little hands. " Yay, I love you mommy, you're the bestest mommy in the world."

I gave her a pointed look for using bestest again, and gave her a hug. " I'll let that one slide since you just said I was the best mommy in the world."

She just giggled into my neck and I set her back down on the ground. "Okay so here is the deal I'm going to blind fold you can I do that."

She looked terrified. " I'll carry you out to the family room, I just don't want you peaking okay."

" Okay." She quietly whispered.

I grabbed the red bandana off her bear actually it was Lucas's bear and tied it around her head. " Okay can you see anything."

She raised her hands " Nope." She said popping the P.

I giggled and picked her up and headed out of her room. " Okay this present is really special." I said as I rounded the corner and walked into the family room. Locking eyes with Edward, he looked tense and I smiled putting my fingers to my lips to let him know to be quiet.

He nodded his head and I set Harper down and knelt next to her to whisper in her ear. " I'm going to take the blindfold off now okay.

She nodded " I'm ready mommy." I looked at Edward, seeing tears already forming in his eyes set me off fresh tears falling down my face.

I turned her to face me as I slid the ends of the bandana through the knot and it slid from her face.

" Mommy why are you crying." She hugged me.

" Oh Baby these are happy tears." She reached up and wiped a tear that was running down my cheek. " I want you to turn around and look over by the tree princess." I whispered to her.

She looked at me with her wide green eyes and then turned slowly around, and then everything happened in fast motion. She looked over at Edward then back to me then back to Edward and then took off running as fast as her little legs could carry her in her big fuzzy slippers she was crying daddy the whole way to him. Edward bent down as she reached him and he scooped her up in his arms, they were clinging to each other. Edward was crying, as was I.

" Oh daddy I love you so much thank you for coming, I love you, I love you, I love you."

My angel was peppering his neck with little kisses and it was the most beautiful sight seeing Edward crying and holding our daughter. " Yes my angel I'm you daddy and I love you so so much baby girl." He planted kisses in her hair, on her forehead and her cute little cheeks. Edward motioned for me to come and join the hug but I was rooted to this spot here on the rug I could not move.

" Princess I think mommy is stuck should we go to her so we she can join our hug fest."

They both looked at me and started giggling " Yes let's go get mommy, she needs a hug she is the bestest in the world."

Edward laughed " Yes she is." Edward slowly swaggered his way over to me; it was the hottest strut ever. Edward holding our daughter, wearing a sexy smirk and walking as slowly as he can to me, turning me on with every step he takes. He's going to be the death of me.

I closed my eyes trying to get my hormones under control, if I watch his slow descent anymore I would end up a puddle here on this Persian rug. I felt Edward sidle up to me and scoop me up into a huge three way hug.

" This is the bestest Christmas ever." Harper kissed my head. " I love you mommy thank you."

" Welcome baby girl, it is the best Christmas ever, and guess what." Edward released me to my feet but kept a hand wrapped around my waist.

" What?"

" Well you're in your daddy's arms finally but there are some other people we need to introduce you too."

" Who." she looked around the room, not seeing anybody.

" They are in the kitchen getting breakfast ready, do you want to meet them." Edward asked her.

" Who are they?" She asked.

" My mom and dad… and my brother and sister." Edward placed her on his hip so he could see her face.

" I have a grandma and another grandpa." Edward nodded.

" Yes and an aunt and uncle and they are all so excited to meet you, lets go see them, I'm surprised grandma Esme has not came to find us."

" Esme." Harper sounded out.

" That's right and grandpas name is Carlisle, and your aunts name is Alice and your uncles name is Emmett.

She tried them all out only messing up on Carlisle. " Okay lets go see them."

This was turning out to be the best Christmas ever, I had everyone, okay not everyone Charlie was out wandering in the amazon and my mother was in heaven with Lucas, but I had my daughter and her father, along with his family here in our home.

* * *

A/N : hope you guys liked it, more daddyward in the next chapter I just felt like this was a good place to stop without it turning into a novel

leave a review please so I know how much daddyward turns you on.


End file.
